A wonderful afternoon spent with four addicts in recovery

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Kathy813, Jul 1, 2018.

  1. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    My daughter (sober for almost 2.5 years) is dating a man 6 months into recovery. I had doubts at first but have really grown to like him. He adores my daughter and is so good to her. He is turning 28 this week so we decided to have a cook-out and celebrate.

    My daughter also invited her closest friend that had been in sober living with her and has been sober a little longer than my daughter. In fact, this is the friend that presented my daughter's two-year "birthday" chip at the NA meeting I attended. The friend also brought her boyfriend who is also in recovery and has been sober for over two years.

    We had a wonderful time. As I sat there listening and laughing, I couldn't believe these four young people had been hard core addicts and alcoholics that are now sober and healthy. They all have full time jobs and are financially independent. They were so polite and wanted to help with getting lunch ready and cleaning up afterward.

    They were all brought up in the south and were incredibly well-mannered with "yes, ma'ams" and "yes, sirs" sprinkled in the conversation. My daughter later texted me thanking me for doing this for her boyfriend and said, "I love you so much, mom." This is the daughter that has called me every awful name in the book while in active addiction.

    I wanted to share this since I know that I once never believed that my daughter would be in long-term recovery. There is hope for all of our loved ones.

    ~Kathy

    ETA: I just reread my post and realized that I might have offended someone. I didn't mean that children brought up anywhere other than the south are not well-mannered or polite. I was raised in New York myself. It is just that southern children are taught from an early age to say "yes ma'am and no ma'am" to show respect for their elders and it becomes ingrained. So there were 30-somethings at my table saying yes ma'am and yes sir to my husband and myself. It took me a while to get used to when I first moved to the south thirty years ago but I really came to like it as a school teacher. Ironically, my own children don't always use it because I wasn't consistent with it when they were growing up. Different strokes for different folks.
     
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    Last edited: Jul 2, 2018
  2. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    Yes. When they are truly committed to a drug free life, they change 100 percent. It is no more baby steps. Its wonderful normality!!!

    Kathy, so happy for you.
     
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  3. Origami

    Origami Active Member

    This is so good to hear, Kathy! I think the message of hope is a good one, since it often seems to be non-existent with our troubled (addicted) children. My son, who is recovering from heroin addiction, is likewise so much easier to be around than before. I feel like his old personality has re-emerged from the darkness, and he seems so much happier and content with regular life. (I'm knocking on wood here, as I know it could always change.) He's made a good friend through his rehab facility, and they now work together full-time with a landscaping and home maintenance company.

    It's great that you like your daughter's boyfriend. I know it takes a worry from you knowing that he is good to her.
     
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  4. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Origami, I think you are right. We get our children back when they are no longer in active addiction. It was like the drugs had kidnapped them but the person we love was still in there waiting to be freed. Sadly, the only one that can free them is themselves. I am so glad to hear that your son is doing well.

    I still worry about how newly in recovery the boyfriend is but he is such a wonderful person that I am hoping and praying that he will be able to stay sober. I have talked with my daughter about my worries and she says that she understands that it is not her responsibility to keep him sober and that he is working the steps faithfully and has a sponsor that he turns to when he struggles. He lost an older brother to an overdose four years ago and just had to face the anniversary of the death last week. It was the first time he stayed sober on the anniversary of his brother's overdose. I called my daughter that night and she said the boyfriend was at a meeting with his sponsor. It does seem like he is really serious this time.

    But all any of us can do is stay cautiously optimistic.
     
  5. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Thanks Kathy for the words of hope. I remember when you were going through everything with y our daughter. Good to hear she is still sober and there is hope!!
     
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  6. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh yeah. We went to hell and back with her. I remember at the time reading replies from others whose children were in recovery and committed to sobriety and I never thought that would be me.

    It didn't happen by magic, though. It took a lot of therapy and changes in our (husband and me) behavior before my daughter started making changes in her behavior. We were totally enmeshed in co-dependency and couldn't see it until my therapist patiently got us there.
     
  7. EarthIsHard

    EarthIsHard Member

    Kathy, I bet you waited so long to hear your daughter say she loves you and is appreciative. So nice to hear she is doing so well!
     
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  8. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Yes, she tells me often that she loves me and that she is grateful for all that we have done for her. SWOT is right that they act like totally different people once they stop using and drinking. I like to say that I finally have my daughter back.
     
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  9. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    That's so great to hear, Kathy.

    I told the director of my son's program something very similar the other night at his graduation: "You've given us our son back!"

    It's so odd and so wonderful how addicts can be such absolute jerks, yet when they are in recovery they are such cool people!
     
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  10. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    It is funny that you said that, Albie. I was just thinking that yesterday. I think addicts/alcoholics in recovery are remarkably understanding people. They accept everyone and aren't judgmental at all. They are also very accepting of themselves and their flaws. They talked very openly yesterday about their stays in treatment centers and how they have changed. It was wonderful to listen to them talk.
     
  11. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Hi Kathy;

    I had such a rough few weeks with so much crazy going on in my life including a nail biter of a 36 hour visit from my son in rehab. Then I was sick.
    You post just recharged my heart. I am so very happy for you. What a delightful and happy post to share.

    I am so thrilled and encouraged by your experience. Thanks for coming back and posting.
     
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  12. Thank you for sharing your message of hope. My son is currently doing IOP after leaving inpatient AMA. He wants to drink so badly and to be honest I am quite scared at this moment. He hasn't made any contact today at all. (He lives across the US in a different state). This was his first weekend alone since doing IOP. They don't have meetings on the weekends. He was to go to AA meetings but I am not sure if he did. I know he said he wanted to use the other night after attending one.
    I so pray he will do sober living but at this time he is being resistant to it.
    Thank you again for the message of hope and that maybe one day we can have our children back.