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Absolute hell, she punched me in the face!!!!
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 217424" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Shawna, </p><p> </p><p>HUGE HUGE HUGS girl- wow you and your family have certainly been through an awful lot. It seems when things like this happen to us that no one could possibly understand or have EVER gone through anything like this. I can...in spades. So can a bunch of others whom I am sure will come along and give you sage advice. </p><p> </p><p>When you are in a tornado it's very hard to see anything else but the whirling dervish. There's not a lot of room for reason, or understanding. We just want it to stop. What you're fortunate for is that it can, but you have to have a plan and be committed to sticking to it. These children and their disabilities are not something you can deal with on a daily basis without some sort of support system. You came here, so that tells me you're at least OPEN to talking about how to help everyone - daughter that you love included. </p><p> </p><p>So you may ask - PLAN? HOW in the HECK can ANYONE plan for something like this? Well, you can't obviously predict what your daughters moods are going to be, BUT you CAN have a battle plan in place and you, and husband who are the head of the house can guide the other children and your sister into action. You need to have a lot of open communication and everyone that is AN ADULT already know what to do IF: </p><p>If she comes home pounding on the door - what is the consequence</p><p>If she brings a boy home and is making out in the hall - what is the consequence? </p><p>If she comes unglued in front of the children - what is the plan to get her stable? Do you talk to her, do a therapeutic hold, call the police? Or do you allow her to continually run your household, freak out the kids and escalate into more physical violence? </p><p>You had NO plan other......than to call 911. And there is no shame in that EXCEPT - the police have LESS of a clue that you do about what to do with a mentally ill person....unless they have gone through CIT (Crisis intervention training) they don't GET what is going on in your house - most would belive she is on drugs....drinking....whatever and to their credit that's all they COULD assume without proper training. </p><p> </p><p>I think today what you can do is file a petition of incorrigibility with your family court. It may get her placed in front of the same judge that said - OH I see - I did X and you did NOTHING - so here's the next PLAN.....</p><p>I didn't see anything that said what the NEXT step was for her - what were the consequences if she violated her probation? Why weren't those written down for you to SHOW an officer? I think I'd start there. </p><p> </p><p>And it is absolutely the sickest thing to have to deal with our kids when they are raging and fighting whatever it is that propells them. Lack of self control is evident - but HOW does that change? You love them always but like them seldom and THAT weighs heavy on a Mother's heart, and a families stability. </p><p> </p><p>You all (EVERYONE OF YOU) need to be in some type of therapy or family therapy to ge a plan together. IF sissy does X - HERES where brother goes, HERE is what MOM says, HERE is what DAD does, here's what Auntie does and says.....not everyone wanting to pound this kid into poo (which is the most obvious emotion) but you have to be able to GRAB this tornado and say NOPE - I KNOW HOW TO DEesCALATE this situation - and get training for everyone AND therapy for the PTSD that you are all suffering from at enormous proportions. </p><p> </p><p>I now know that HOW I say something is WAY more important than what I say and how to SAY that in conversation while your kid is having a gigantic fit? TAKES A LOT OF PRACTICE....but it can be done. It's like a nurse at an auto wreck....literally - the rest of us have no idea what to do, so we may do the wrong thing. A person who has had training in helping knows EXACTLY what to do and how to do it to lessen the possibility of worse things happening. I'm not a nurse - so if there is a traffic accident - I can only DO WHAT I KNOW TO DO - maybe keep pressure on a wound or NOT move someone - or pull them from a burning car....but a nurse or EMT ? They go into a "mindset" and know what is best. </p><p> </p><p>You have to get training like that - and be prepared, and prepare yourself with lessons on walking away - ignoring things, (and yes I know you ignore a LOT) and knowing what her triggers are and how to point HER in the direction of help - maybe she'll take it - maybe she won't. You can not live your kids' life for them or make their choices for them to most degrees. </p><p> </p><p>As far as prosecuting her for punching you in the face? Well if the cops said they can't? I'd be calling someone's captain or the judge that ALLOWED her to come home and DID NOT order her into some type of rehab program or Group home. </p><p> </p><p>I'm sorry you are having to go through this at all - I love my son with ALL my heart. With him in our home? It is utter chaos. WIth him out of the home? (and I've already had the 2 days where I cried for even thinking this) It's a lot easier on me, the dogs, even the rats are calmer. And I hate to think that way - but even Dude knows it's better. He doesn't WANT to argue, but he's learning he can't have his way in MY home. If he wants things to be HIS way? He can go find his own home.....and I'll support him in that - but he's finding out life is a LOT tougher on you when your parents pull the financial strings and let you dangle on your own merit. Tough love was harder on me that it was on him - but you need to detach from her or you're going to explode. </p><p> </p><p>If you need something to help you calm down your nerves? GO TO THE DOCTOR.....dont' wait until you have a gaping ulcer - you're all under a ton of stress...and now not knowing where she is will be even nore stress...you're going to ABSOLUTELY need a professional to talk to about this. </p><p> </p><p>And......get a plan - </p><p> </p><p>Hugs </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 217424, member: 4964"] Shawna, HUGE HUGE HUGS girl- wow you and your family have certainly been through an awful lot. It seems when things like this happen to us that no one could possibly understand or have EVER gone through anything like this. I can...in spades. So can a bunch of others whom I am sure will come along and give you sage advice. When you are in a tornado it's very hard to see anything else but the whirling dervish. There's not a lot of room for reason, or understanding. We just want it to stop. What you're fortunate for is that it can, but you have to have a plan and be committed to sticking to it. These children and their disabilities are not something you can deal with on a daily basis without some sort of support system. You came here, so that tells me you're at least OPEN to talking about how to help everyone - daughter that you love included. So you may ask - PLAN? HOW in the HECK can ANYONE plan for something like this? Well, you can't obviously predict what your daughters moods are going to be, BUT you CAN have a battle plan in place and you, and husband who are the head of the house can guide the other children and your sister into action. You need to have a lot of open communication and everyone that is AN ADULT already know what to do IF: If she comes home pounding on the door - what is the consequence If she brings a boy home and is making out in the hall - what is the consequence? If she comes unglued in front of the children - what is the plan to get her stable? Do you talk to her, do a therapeutic hold, call the police? Or do you allow her to continually run your household, freak out the kids and escalate into more physical violence? You had NO plan other......than to call 911. And there is no shame in that EXCEPT - the police have LESS of a clue that you do about what to do with a mentally ill person....unless they have gone through CIT (Crisis intervention training) they don't GET what is going on in your house - most would belive she is on drugs....drinking....whatever and to their credit that's all they COULD assume without proper training. I think today what you can do is file a petition of incorrigibility with your family court. It may get her placed in front of the same judge that said - OH I see - I did X and you did NOTHING - so here's the next PLAN..... I didn't see anything that said what the NEXT step was for her - what were the consequences if she violated her probation? Why weren't those written down for you to SHOW an officer? I think I'd start there. And it is absolutely the sickest thing to have to deal with our kids when they are raging and fighting whatever it is that propells them. Lack of self control is evident - but HOW does that change? You love them always but like them seldom and THAT weighs heavy on a Mother's heart, and a families stability. You all (EVERYONE OF YOU) need to be in some type of therapy or family therapy to ge a plan together. IF sissy does X - HERES where brother goes, HERE is what MOM says, HERE is what DAD does, here's what Auntie does and says.....not everyone wanting to pound this kid into poo (which is the most obvious emotion) but you have to be able to GRAB this tornado and say NOPE - I KNOW HOW TO DEesCALATE this situation - and get training for everyone AND therapy for the PTSD that you are all suffering from at enormous proportions. I now know that HOW I say something is WAY more important than what I say and how to SAY that in conversation while your kid is having a gigantic fit? TAKES A LOT OF PRACTICE....but it can be done. It's like a nurse at an auto wreck....literally - the rest of us have no idea what to do, so we may do the wrong thing. A person who has had training in helping knows EXACTLY what to do and how to do it to lessen the possibility of worse things happening. I'm not a nurse - so if there is a traffic accident - I can only DO WHAT I KNOW TO DO - maybe keep pressure on a wound or NOT move someone - or pull them from a burning car....but a nurse or EMT ? They go into a "mindset" and know what is best. You have to get training like that - and be prepared, and prepare yourself with lessons on walking away - ignoring things, (and yes I know you ignore a LOT) and knowing what her triggers are and how to point HER in the direction of help - maybe she'll take it - maybe she won't. You can not live your kids' life for them or make their choices for them to most degrees. As far as prosecuting her for punching you in the face? Well if the cops said they can't? I'd be calling someone's captain or the judge that ALLOWED her to come home and DID NOT order her into some type of rehab program or Group home. I'm sorry you are having to go through this at all - I love my son with ALL my heart. With him in our home? It is utter chaos. WIth him out of the home? (and I've already had the 2 days where I cried for even thinking this) It's a lot easier on me, the dogs, even the rats are calmer. And I hate to think that way - but even Dude knows it's better. He doesn't WANT to argue, but he's learning he can't have his way in MY home. If he wants things to be HIS way? He can go find his own home.....and I'll support him in that - but he's finding out life is a LOT tougher on you when your parents pull the financial strings and let you dangle on your own merit. Tough love was harder on me that it was on him - but you need to detach from her or you're going to explode. If you need something to help you calm down your nerves? GO TO THE DOCTOR.....dont' wait until you have a gaping ulcer - you're all under a ton of stress...and now not knowing where she is will be even nore stress...you're going to ABSOLUTELY need a professional to talk to about this. And......get a plan - Hugs Star [/QUOTE]
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Absolute hell, she punched me in the face!!!!
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