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General Parenting
Absolute hell, she punched me in the face!!!!
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 217552" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Bran, </p><p> </p><p>It is NEVER okay to punch someone. In my home it's basically your funeral if you even raise a hand to me after my abusive marriage. So how in the world could I ask such a question of you? </p><p> </p><p>My thought which I could have explained a little better was that over the years - watching my son react to my reactions has taught me a lot. Was it ever okay that she hit you? No. My question was loosely based on - Did you provoke it by also being out of control, maybe you had accidentally hit HER with the door on accident, and she just reacted? If you were yelling, and escalating the situation and it was chaos - in her condition she may NOT have been able to consider alternative ways to handle the situation. </p><p> </p><p>I'm not blaming either because...I've been there. </p><p> </p><p>Today and right now it doesn't seem like you can ever being to heal. Your brain is chaotic, your house is better, and your heart is torn. Remember to tell yourself that you are ONLY human and that being a Mom does NOT mean you have every answer. Don't be too hard on yourself. Also - for the first few days you may not want to take those collect calls and just allow your daugther time to process what she's done. </p><p> </p><p>I always wondered in the back of my mind when Dude and I had a blow out argument - did he run away on his bike and feels bad for what HE said as well OR is he just riding his bike and laughing with friends as if it never happened and I'm the one left holding all the guilt. Part of me really wanted to know - the other part said I was better off NEVER knowing. </p><p> </p><p>In your daughters case? This has been taken OUT of your hands the day the judge assigned TASK.....so she has made these choices for herself. She sat in that courtroom and listened to the judge and the atty. and everyone else involved and she (ugh hate to say it) made her own choices with the boy in the hall and the yelling and screaming. I guess I have found myself in the same position trying to defend and amend. Trying to tell everyone that he CAN NOT control it - and the world says "Oh yes he can." Certainly couldn't have convinced me of that years ago before therapy. Now he's doing much better. - Really. Still has a temper....but uses tools he learned in Residential Treatment Center (RTC), hospital, Department of Juvenile Justice, therapy to calm himself.....now he'll say "LEave ME ALONE _ I NEED TO GO WALK." and .....we do. </p><p> </p><p>He comes back when he's able to talk and think. </p><p> </p><p>I will tell you this if it makes you feel any better. My son raised his hand to me ONE time. I blacked out. Lucky for him - he ran away. After being abused I do not know if -had he hit me - he would be around to tell anyone. Even the officer told him when they found him - "I can't believe you would raise your hand to woman. -let alone your mother....AND one that big." </p><p></p><p>So I applaud you for not hitting her back. I think you have a very good idea of what you want in life now - I hope you have the courage to go get it. And good for your son as well - I'm sure everyone in your house is tired of being controlled by your daughters behaviors.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 217552, member: 4964"] Bran, It is NEVER okay to punch someone. In my home it's basically your funeral if you even raise a hand to me after my abusive marriage. So how in the world could I ask such a question of you? My thought which I could have explained a little better was that over the years - watching my son react to my reactions has taught me a lot. Was it ever okay that she hit you? No. My question was loosely based on - Did you provoke it by also being out of control, maybe you had accidentally hit HER with the door on accident, and she just reacted? If you were yelling, and escalating the situation and it was chaos - in her condition she may NOT have been able to consider alternative ways to handle the situation. I'm not blaming either because...I've been there. Today and right now it doesn't seem like you can ever being to heal. Your brain is chaotic, your house is better, and your heart is torn. Remember to tell yourself that you are ONLY human and that being a Mom does NOT mean you have every answer. Don't be too hard on yourself. Also - for the first few days you may not want to take those collect calls and just allow your daugther time to process what she's done. I always wondered in the back of my mind when Dude and I had a blow out argument - did he run away on his bike and feels bad for what HE said as well OR is he just riding his bike and laughing with friends as if it never happened and I'm the one left holding all the guilt. Part of me really wanted to know - the other part said I was better off NEVER knowing. In your daughters case? This has been taken OUT of your hands the day the judge assigned TASK.....so she has made these choices for herself. She sat in that courtroom and listened to the judge and the atty. and everyone else involved and she (ugh hate to say it) made her own choices with the boy in the hall and the yelling and screaming. I guess I have found myself in the same position trying to defend and amend. Trying to tell everyone that he CAN NOT control it - and the world says "Oh yes he can." Certainly couldn't have convinced me of that years ago before therapy. Now he's doing much better. - Really. Still has a temper....but uses tools he learned in Residential Treatment Center (RTC), hospital, Department of Juvenile Justice, therapy to calm himself.....now he'll say "LEave ME ALONE _ I NEED TO GO WALK." and .....we do. He comes back when he's able to talk and think. I will tell you this if it makes you feel any better. My son raised his hand to me ONE time. I blacked out. Lucky for him - he ran away. After being abused I do not know if -had he hit me - he would be around to tell anyone. Even the officer told him when they found him - "I can't believe you would raise your hand to woman. -let alone your mother....AND one that big." So I applaud you for not hitting her back. I think you have a very good idea of what you want in life now - I hope you have the courage to go get it. And good for your son as well - I'm sure everyone in your house is tired of being controlled by your daughters behaviors. [/QUOTE]
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Absolute hell, she punched me in the face!!!!
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