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abused on mother's day
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<blockquote data-quote="Running_for_the_shelter" data-source="post: 426600" data-attributes="member: 2960"><p>Hey, lady! Your son has serious issues but that doesn't mean you're a bad parent or person. You said " He has a lot of anger inside and is really hard to live with. Makes me feel worthless as a mom." You might want to see what kind of help you can get for yourself. It's wearing on a person to deal with angry child (mine had a lot of choice things to say to me today, like "NOT Happy Mother's Day!" and "I wish you didn't exist!") and you need tools to make yourself impervious to it emotionally. I don't cry when my son says his mean stuff. It's not real, in a way -- it's his illness, defect, condition, whatever word you want to use. Viktor Frankl said that the last of all human freedoms was the ability to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances. I remind myself of this -- that I can choose to be happy regardless of the chaos, disrespect etc. </p><p></p><p>But don't get me wrong -- you shouldn't have to have this behavior around in the first place. Frankly, though, "consequences" in the usual sense aren't going to do jack in my house. When my son gets angry, he doesn't even have rational thought. He used to lose all of his language skills, so I actually consider the hateful words to be progress. [Picking that attitude!] All I can do is try to intervene and help teach him some tools to increase the practically non-existent space between stimulus and response and to be able to use that space to make a good choice. I don't expect this to happen for about another five years. I believe this because my son is very much like me and I was about 15 before it all fell into place and I could actually make a reasonably good facsimile of a "normal" person most of the time. </p><p></p><p>Your situation is not the same, though. Your son is threatening people with metal bats. He is seeing cell phones that aren't there and possibly hearing a voice you don't hear. This is a place far beyond where "consequences" like taking away privileges is going to do anything. The sooner he is seen by qualified professionals, the better. And get more than one opinion! And please see what you can do for yourself -- you're not a "worthless mom" because your child didn't develop in the usual way.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there, lady. You have friends here.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Running_for_the_shelter, post: 426600, member: 2960"] Hey, lady! Your son has serious issues but that doesn't mean you're a bad parent or person. You said " He has a lot of anger inside and is really hard to live with. Makes me feel worthless as a mom." You might want to see what kind of help you can get for yourself. It's wearing on a person to deal with angry child (mine had a lot of choice things to say to me today, like "NOT Happy Mother's Day!" and "I wish you didn't exist!") and you need tools to make yourself impervious to it emotionally. I don't cry when my son says his mean stuff. It's not real, in a way -- it's his illness, defect, condition, whatever word you want to use. Viktor Frankl said that the last of all human freedoms was the ability to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances. I remind myself of this -- that I can choose to be happy regardless of the chaos, disrespect etc. But don't get me wrong -- you shouldn't have to have this behavior around in the first place. Frankly, though, "consequences" in the usual sense aren't going to do jack in my house. When my son gets angry, he doesn't even have rational thought. He used to lose all of his language skills, so I actually consider the hateful words to be progress. [Picking that attitude!] All I can do is try to intervene and help teach him some tools to increase the practically non-existent space between stimulus and response and to be able to use that space to make a good choice. I don't expect this to happen for about another five years. I believe this because my son is very much like me and I was about 15 before it all fell into place and I could actually make a reasonably good facsimile of a "normal" person most of the time. Your situation is not the same, though. Your son is threatening people with metal bats. He is seeing cell phones that aren't there and possibly hearing a voice you don't hear. This is a place far beyond where "consequences" like taking away privileges is going to do anything. The sooner he is seen by qualified professionals, the better. And get more than one opinion! And please see what you can do for yourself -- you're not a "worthless mom" because your child didn't develop in the usual way. Hang in there, lady. You have friends here. [/QUOTE]
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