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Abusive teen
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 711379" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I am very sorry you are living this way. I truly understand and have been there. My son beat the living heck out of me many times also. Mostly to get to his little sister, the object of his rage, but he had to get through me to get to her, and he had no problem with that. I had to make the heartbreaking decision to have him not live with us when he was 14 It literally broke me into pieces in every way.</p><p></p><p>My husband and I are married, but my husband really wasn't involved as much. He worked long hours and my son behaved more around my husband. Plus my husband is afraid of anger and hid when my son went off. My husband is afraid he would lose his temper and truly harm my son, which actually could happen. Sadly my son felt that he was then allowed to do what he wanted to me, and boy was he strong for his age. Like you we did psychiatric hospitals and then I reached my limit. </p><p></p><p>When my son was 14 I realized that someone was going to end up dead if I didn't make a drastic change. As the adult, it was my job to prevent that. I think you are in that position also. I had the added responsibility of 2 children younger than my difficult child who were targets of the violence that had to be protected. </p><p></p><p>I did manage to find a program that would take my son. It sounded amazing. We ended up not taking that route. My father had just retired from teaching junior high and he wanted a chance to try to help my son himself. My mother had also just retired, and my son would have both of them at home full time to parent him. He was not ever violent with my mother. My father taught some of the most violent children his school district had to offer, so I wasn't so much worried about him as he dealt with Crips and Bloods on a daily basis. He spent his career dealing with difficult junior high students, so I figured he had as good a chance as anyone.</p><p></p><p>One positive thing bout letting my parents have my son was that they gave me a sincere apology for thinking I had overstated his problems for years. They had NO CLUE what they were getting into. Another is that my son had NO CLUE how truly terrifying his grandmother can be. He thought we respected her because she was older than we were. Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha. </p><p></p><p>I am honestly not sure exactly what turned my son around, except for my father not EVER letting him get away with being violent and making him do hours of yardwork each time he exploded or had a fit. My dad would work with him so he couldn't slack off, and I do mean HOURS of work. I do think having him away from his siblings helped (shortly after my youngest child was born, a psychiatrist told us it would be best for my oldest child to be the only child in the household. We had 3 kids!!) but it was not the only thing that helped. </p><p></p><p>I can say that now my son is a great big brother, and a loving son to both my husband and myself. He holds a fulltime job and supports himself. We are very proud of him and have rebuilt our relationship. </p><p></p><p>Your son needs more help than you can give him. Spanking NEVER works and only IDIOTS think it works. It has been scientifically proven to create more violent children. Give up on worrying if that would have helped. </p><p></p><p>I found the program that I was going to send my son to by making a ton of phone calls. It was hard. i got a notebook and called a pastor I knew. I asked if he knew of any programs for boys who couldn't live at home because they needed help. He didn't. I asked if he knew of anyone who might. He gave me 2 names and phone numbers. I called those and asked them the same thing. Each person I called got a BRIEF version of our story, and I did cry sometimes as I told it. Not for effect, but because it was hard to tell, hard to admit to a stranger, hard to say out loud again and again. But each person got me one step closer to help, and I was willing to do that to get what my child needed. </p><p></p><p>If you don't know a pastor, call the school counselor. Call the local Domestic Violence Shelter. Heck, I went to the Domestic Violence Shelter for help. At first they were not sure what to do with me. They got me to an intake person who admitted it was DV, but not the type they had seen before. They came up with a program just for me. This was after my son was out of our house. I needed some counseling because I was pretty messed up. I couldn't be good for my kids until I dealt with being abused.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 711379, member: 1233"] I am very sorry you are living this way. I truly understand and have been there. My son beat the living heck out of me many times also. Mostly to get to his little sister, the object of his rage, but he had to get through me to get to her, and he had no problem with that. I had to make the heartbreaking decision to have him not live with us when he was 14 It literally broke me into pieces in every way. My husband and I are married, but my husband really wasn't involved as much. He worked long hours and my son behaved more around my husband. Plus my husband is afraid of anger and hid when my son went off. My husband is afraid he would lose his temper and truly harm my son, which actually could happen. Sadly my son felt that he was then allowed to do what he wanted to me, and boy was he strong for his age. Like you we did psychiatric hospitals and then I reached my limit. When my son was 14 I realized that someone was going to end up dead if I didn't make a drastic change. As the adult, it was my job to prevent that. I think you are in that position also. I had the added responsibility of 2 children younger than my difficult child who were targets of the violence that had to be protected. I did manage to find a program that would take my son. It sounded amazing. We ended up not taking that route. My father had just retired from teaching junior high and he wanted a chance to try to help my son himself. My mother had also just retired, and my son would have both of them at home full time to parent him. He was not ever violent with my mother. My father taught some of the most violent children his school district had to offer, so I wasn't so much worried about him as he dealt with Crips and Bloods on a daily basis. He spent his career dealing with difficult junior high students, so I figured he had as good a chance as anyone. One positive thing bout letting my parents have my son was that they gave me a sincere apology for thinking I had overstated his problems for years. They had NO CLUE what they were getting into. Another is that my son had NO CLUE how truly terrifying his grandmother can be. He thought we respected her because she was older than we were. Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha. I am honestly not sure exactly what turned my son around, except for my father not EVER letting him get away with being violent and making him do hours of yardwork each time he exploded or had a fit. My dad would work with him so he couldn't slack off, and I do mean HOURS of work. I do think having him away from his siblings helped (shortly after my youngest child was born, a psychiatrist told us it would be best for my oldest child to be the only child in the household. We had 3 kids!!) but it was not the only thing that helped. I can say that now my son is a great big brother, and a loving son to both my husband and myself. He holds a fulltime job and supports himself. We are very proud of him and have rebuilt our relationship. Your son needs more help than you can give him. Spanking NEVER works and only IDIOTS think it works. It has been scientifically proven to create more violent children. Give up on worrying if that would have helped. I found the program that I was going to send my son to by making a ton of phone calls. It was hard. i got a notebook and called a pastor I knew. I asked if he knew of any programs for boys who couldn't live at home because they needed help. He didn't. I asked if he knew of anyone who might. He gave me 2 names and phone numbers. I called those and asked them the same thing. Each person I called got a BRIEF version of our story, and I did cry sometimes as I told it. Not for effect, but because it was hard to tell, hard to admit to a stranger, hard to say out loud again and again. But each person got me one step closer to help, and I was willing to do that to get what my child needed. If you don't know a pastor, call the school counselor. Call the local Domestic Violence Shelter. Heck, I went to the Domestic Violence Shelter for help. At first they were not sure what to do with me. They got me to an intake person who admitted it was DV, but not the type they had seen before. They came up with a program just for me. This was after my son was out of our house. I needed some counseling because I was pretty messed up. I couldn't be good for my kids until I dealt with being abused. [/QUOTE]
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