As I contemplate the IEP process and all it implies, I realize that the first step is acceptance for manster. Though I have come to it myself, I realize the impact that the journey for me has had on him. Let me explain. I began to sense something was different about him when he was fairly young. As many of you know, I came to motherhood late, after going through infertility for 13 years and this is my miracle child. I brought a lot of emotion into our relationship from the beginning. As I began to do a lot of internet research on symptoms and went from thinking he had ADHD to bipolar and finally to the realization that the spectrum fit best, he watched. He saw that I was obsessive about understanding what was going on and I'm sure he got the message "something is wrong with me". It kills me now to think of the damage I caused him in the name of love and motherhood. I'm disgusted with myself actually. Now that I understand and have found unconditional acceptance I have to convey it to him. The idea of Special Education upsets him. He says "you think I'm stupid, why do you want to put me with "those" kids". And he's stuck on it, no matter how much I try to convince him otherwise, he has it in his head that "those kids" have something wrong with them and how can I put him in that category. So now I have to help him come to love and accept himself. I hope you all can help me with that. Any ideas or direction that might help me guide him along the path to acceptance and gaining self confidence. To help me undo the wreckage that ignorance begets. I have come so far. I totally get it now. He is a gift, a truly unique precious, amazing, insightful being who brings me incredible joy. I wouldn't change a thing accept for the pain being different brings. ATnd yet again, I wouldn't even change the pain because pain brings about opportunities for enlightenment. So I keep telling myself every day, I am experiencing enlightenment. Thank you for letting me write about this. I'm sorry that I haven't been more supportive or available lately. Seems to be my mantra. I will try to do better. I hate to just take all the time and give nothing in return.