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Add my kid to the list of recently relapsed g f gs
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 621773" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>To be honest I don't blame myself for difficult child's gambling issues at all. Even though I think that in his case there wasn't so much choice involved in how he developed it. There is so very clear connection in time between something very devastating and horrible happening to difficult child and him starting to gamble, and doing it so heavily and compulsively from almost get go. For him it was just way to cope and could had been many other things either. And someone with his neurology, especially at that age, he simply didn't have a chance not to become addicted. Choices come to picture more after he got caught. It is a choice to use those tools he has been given to battle the urges, to use those technological and other help (like moving his money to the account he doesn't have immediate access and so on.) Those are real choices for him and he has been doing fairly well with them these past three years after he was caught. He did slip couple times soon after the fact and this was third one.</p><p></p><p>However, when he did developed that addiction, it is something he has to be mindful rest of his life especially in harder times. His brains kn ow it as a soothing activity that takes time and impossible to handle feelings away. So he has to make lots of choices and keep himself in check on all times. In fact, if I'm totally honest, I'm even secretly bit happy he did slip now and of course that it ended to such a spectacular failure. I believe it helps him to keep in mind that this is not something he screwed up as a kid, but something he has to take serious also in future. In his lifestyle gambling, betting, trips to casinos etc. are always there. And he has to have a clear picture that he can't do those things like his friends.</p><p></p><p>What I do feel some guilt for, is maybe not actually giving him half of his genes (I mean, I happen to think it is rather wonderful thing he exists), but not taking better care not model some perfectionist and control freak behaviours to my kids. And not trying to work harder to help difficult child get over his perfectionism and loosen up a bit, when he was still very young and I noticed those tendencies. In fact while I didn't actively encourage those behaviours and models of thinking, I was secretly little happy at times that he was so driven. He had so many obstacles to get over from early on and that drive did help in that. But it certainly is a double edged sword and it hurts to see that level of self-hatred and shame in him.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 621773, member: 14557"] To be honest I don't blame myself for difficult child's gambling issues at all. Even though I think that in his case there wasn't so much choice involved in how he developed it. There is so very clear connection in time between something very devastating and horrible happening to difficult child and him starting to gamble, and doing it so heavily and compulsively from almost get go. For him it was just way to cope and could had been many other things either. And someone with his neurology, especially at that age, he simply didn't have a chance not to become addicted. Choices come to picture more after he got caught. It is a choice to use those tools he has been given to battle the urges, to use those technological and other help (like moving his money to the account he doesn't have immediate access and so on.) Those are real choices for him and he has been doing fairly well with them these past three years after he was caught. He did slip couple times soon after the fact and this was third one. However, when he did developed that addiction, it is something he has to be mindful rest of his life especially in harder times. His brains kn ow it as a soothing activity that takes time and impossible to handle feelings away. So he has to make lots of choices and keep himself in check on all times. In fact, if I'm totally honest, I'm even secretly bit happy he did slip now and of course that it ended to such a spectacular failure. I believe it helps him to keep in mind that this is not something he screwed up as a kid, but something he has to take serious also in future. In his lifestyle gambling, betting, trips to casinos etc. are always there. And he has to have a clear picture that he can't do those things like his friends. What I do feel some guilt for, is maybe not actually giving him half of his genes (I mean, I happen to think it is rather wonderful thing he exists), but not taking better care not model some perfectionist and control freak behaviours to my kids. And not trying to work harder to help difficult child get over his perfectionism and loosen up a bit, when he was still very young and I noticed those tendencies. In fact while I didn't actively encourage those behaviours and models of thinking, I was secretly little happy at times that he was so driven. He had so many obstacles to get over from early on and that drive did help in that. But it certainly is a double edged sword and it hurts to see that level of self-hatred and shame in him. [/QUOTE]
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