M
ML
Guest
I have truly been an anchor of strength during the past several months. I've kept doing what had to be done each day. Commuting, working, extra curricular activities, homework (summer tutor), house cleaning, cooking... all of it getting done just by me. I had to learn that there's only me that I can count on. That's not sad in a self pitying kind of way either. I'm ok with having just me. I believe we all eventually come to that ultimately, though hopefully you get several decades of feeling like you're not " alone". Distractions, mates, etc. are nice and can bring true comfort. I just happen to have made the wrong choices enough times that I got to learn this truth for myself early. It's ok and I'm pretty much at peace with it.
But I am getting tired. I wish that husband would just leave. I cannot take his active drinking any more. He has no where to go and more often than not he's too drunk to drive anywhere. His kids don't want to come get him. I told him I can't save him. He wants to die sometimes. He's on tons of medications and about a half gallon of vodka some days so he's on the right path. I just don't want to watch.
How do I get him out?
I went to an alanon meeting yesterday. It was good and I'm sure they can help me regain myself but I still want him out.
Because I'm starting to stumble and the stress is taking its toll. I have to keep my mental health up for difficult child. I'm the only one he can truly count on.
I had xdh take difficult child last night and I had planned to call the cops but when I came home he had the AA book out and was in grovel mode. I told him I couldn't save him. He wanted me to just let him sit in the garage with the engine running so he sort of put me in rescue mode because of course I went out there, turned it off and brought him inside. Today, he went to work and feels like do do. Today he doesn't want to die. He asked if the sherriff would be waiting for him when he got home and I told him the sherriff would only come if he was drinking. He's planning on going to some meetings this week.
I feel trapped. I can't take his stuff on too.
I feel like a loser. I am starting to cry at work. That's not doing my reputation a whole lot of good. I wish I didn't care so much what people think.
ML
But I am getting tired. I wish that husband would just leave. I cannot take his active drinking any more. He has no where to go and more often than not he's too drunk to drive anywhere. His kids don't want to come get him. I told him I can't save him. He wants to die sometimes. He's on tons of medications and about a half gallon of vodka some days so he's on the right path. I just don't want to watch.
How do I get him out?
I went to an alanon meeting yesterday. It was good and I'm sure they can help me regain myself but I still want him out.
Because I'm starting to stumble and the stress is taking its toll. I have to keep my mental health up for difficult child. I'm the only one he can truly count on.
I had xdh take difficult child last night and I had planned to call the cops but when I came home he had the AA book out and was in grovel mode. I told him I couldn't save him. He wanted me to just let him sit in the garage with the engine running so he sort of put me in rescue mode because of course I went out there, turned it off and brought him inside. Today, he went to work and feels like do do. Today he doesn't want to die. He asked if the sherriff would be waiting for him when he got home and I told him the sherriff would only come if he was drinking. He's planning on going to some meetings this week.
I feel trapped. I can't take his stuff on too.
I feel like a loser. I am starting to cry at work. That's not doing my reputation a whole lot of good. I wish I didn't care so much what people think.
ML
