Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Adopted runaway teenager with personalty disorder
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 541205" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Well, what I learned is that WE think we are giving them a better life. We adopted several times, once a six year old from Hong Kong and once an eleven year old out of foster care. We found that our infant adopted kids bonded to us very well, but our older kids did not think we were doing them any favors. From their point of view, they had been on their own most of their lives, nobody ever cared about them before, and the only person on earth he could count on was himself. This is actually common, especially in older adopted children and is called Reactive Attachment Disorder. They are already too damaged to bond to a family or even want to be loved so they act out and feel crazy and drive US crazy.</p><p></p><p>I am sure there are exceptions, but I am in a very active adoptive parent group. I don't k now of any children adopted older who are really doing very well. There must be some, but I don't know of any. </p><p></p><p>Because of your child's age, I really recommend letting her know that you are there for her, but detaching from her behavior. You didn't cause it. She was already a damaged child before you got her. Love does not fix people who don't even know what it is. by the way, is she from Eastern Europe? I swear I hear more horror stories from that part of the world than anywhere else. One wonders what those kids go through before they are adopted by us! Have you ever taken her to a therapist that understands attachment issues? That would probably be the most appropriate. She is acting like a typical unattached, angry child...</p><p></p><p>My adopted child from Hong Kong never attached to us and we haven't seen him for six years now, and he is such an angry person that we don't want to see him anymore. And he doesn't want to see us. We are not his family, in his mind. The child we adopted at age eleven was dangerous to others and he was removed for the safety of our other kids, pets, and community. </p><p></p><p>You may want to post on Parent Emeritus, which is a forum for parents of adult children or you may want to find an adoption site to post on. You will find a lot of company.</p><p></p><p>I am so sorry that you are going through this. I thought, at one time, that all kids needed was a chance and love, and it still boggles my mind that some kids don't even want to be loved...that they don't understand love and that it scares them. </p><p></p><p>Be sure to take care of YOURSELF. You meant well and you did do a good thing. This child is now in a country where she can achieve. But the next step is up to her. (((Big huggles!!!!!!)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 541205, member: 1550"] Well, what I learned is that WE think we are giving them a better life. We adopted several times, once a six year old from Hong Kong and once an eleven year old out of foster care. We found that our infant adopted kids bonded to us very well, but our older kids did not think we were doing them any favors. From their point of view, they had been on their own most of their lives, nobody ever cared about them before, and the only person on earth he could count on was himself. This is actually common, especially in older adopted children and is called Reactive Attachment Disorder. They are already too damaged to bond to a family or even want to be loved so they act out and feel crazy and drive US crazy. I am sure there are exceptions, but I am in a very active adoptive parent group. I don't k now of any children adopted older who are really doing very well. There must be some, but I don't know of any. Because of your child's age, I really recommend letting her know that you are there for her, but detaching from her behavior. You didn't cause it. She was already a damaged child before you got her. Love does not fix people who don't even know what it is. by the way, is she from Eastern Europe? I swear I hear more horror stories from that part of the world than anywhere else. One wonders what those kids go through before they are adopted by us! Have you ever taken her to a therapist that understands attachment issues? That would probably be the most appropriate. She is acting like a typical unattached, angry child... My adopted child from Hong Kong never attached to us and we haven't seen him for six years now, and he is such an angry person that we don't want to see him anymore. And he doesn't want to see us. We are not his family, in his mind. The child we adopted at age eleven was dangerous to others and he was removed for the safety of our other kids, pets, and community. You may want to post on Parent Emeritus, which is a forum for parents of adult children or you may want to find an adoption site to post on. You will find a lot of company. I am so sorry that you are going through this. I thought, at one time, that all kids needed was a chance and love, and it still boggles my mind that some kids don't even want to be loved...that they don't understand love and that it scares them. Be sure to take care of YOURSELF. You meant well and you did do a good thing. This child is now in a country where she can achieve. But the next step is up to her. (((Big huggles!!!!!!))) [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Adopted runaway teenager with personalty disorder
Top