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Adult daughter lying and hiding things
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<blockquote data-quote="Enmeshedmom" data-source="post: 732634" data-attributes="member: 22547"><p>I have found myself completely enmeshed with my 20 year old son, I was 20 when he was born and gave up every part of myself to be his mom. I thought that was what being a parent was all about, I had no healthy examples to go by being raised in an extremely co-dependent/alcoholic household. It was my job to fiercely protect and mold this tiny human into the perfect child and eventually adult. But he is an individual, his own person and he doesn’t know what he doesn’t know yet and he does not want me to tell him. He wants to figure that out on his own. I fought that for a looong time, he should take it from me because I know best... or do I? It’s really hard to sit back and watch as he falters and makes what I consider big mistakes but I have no other choice. What I was doing was obsessing over his every move trying to pry into his personal life so that I could save him if I saw signs of trouble. I started attending alanon and making a point to take care of myself first and I have seen a big improvement in myself. Trying to change him had torn me up and I believe eventually would have cost me my marriage and probably estrangement from my son. I consider myself lucky that he is as stubborn and headstrong as he is because if I would have gotten everything I thought I needed to feel secure and safe he would not be living freely the life he wants for himself. And that is not what I want for him. The best thing we can do is be there for them when they ask for our advice or just need to vent. It’s going to take awhile before my son trusts me enough to do that because I went to far being overly intrusive and giving my opinion when he didn’t ask for it, so now I can just be patient. Good luck to you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Enmeshedmom, post: 732634, member: 22547"] I have found myself completely enmeshed with my 20 year old son, I was 20 when he was born and gave up every part of myself to be his mom. I thought that was what being a parent was all about, I had no healthy examples to go by being raised in an extremely co-dependent/alcoholic household. It was my job to fiercely protect and mold this tiny human into the perfect child and eventually adult. But he is an individual, his own person and he doesn’t know what he doesn’t know yet and he does not want me to tell him. He wants to figure that out on his own. I fought that for a looong time, he should take it from me because I know best... or do I? It’s really hard to sit back and watch as he falters and makes what I consider big mistakes but I have no other choice. What I was doing was obsessing over his every move trying to pry into his personal life so that I could save him if I saw signs of trouble. I started attending alanon and making a point to take care of myself first and I have seen a big improvement in myself. Trying to change him had torn me up and I believe eventually would have cost me my marriage and probably estrangement from my son. I consider myself lucky that he is as stubborn and headstrong as he is because if I would have gotten everything I thought I needed to feel secure and safe he would not be living freely the life he wants for himself. And that is not what I want for him. The best thing we can do is be there for them when they ask for our advice or just need to vent. It’s going to take awhile before my son trusts me enough to do that because I went to far being overly intrusive and giving my opinion when he didn’t ask for it, so now I can just be patient. Good luck to you. [/QUOTE]
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Adult daughter lying and hiding things
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