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Adult daughter stole entire life savings-Part 2
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<blockquote data-quote="jeanne in CA" data-source="post: 629921" data-attributes="member: 18036"><p>dstc- I think you have a point on the forgiveness issue. The forensic psychiatrist said something similar when he said that if she shows up at our door on her knees with the two tiny grandchildren in tow begging for our help, that I should reread every report I wrote for the police and the 30 plus page victim statement. At least I don't have to think about that now. </p><p> </p><p>The detective told me this morning (we communicate several times a week) that he felt he was getting close to calling her in for questioning and he would be meeting with the prosecutor within the next few days to see if he gets the go ahead to meet with either her or her and her husband both. He said he would tell her that we want absolutely no contact from her at all and if she does contact, depending on what it is, she can be prosecuted for that as well as the stuff he already will be talking to her about. We will see. </p><p> </p><p>As for her running, that is clearly a possibility but with no money and, if they take her passport, it could be tough. If she tries to take the little ones (2 and 3 months old) she would have to have money and a place to go I would assume. On the other hand, she may just be arrogant enough to think she can stick it out and pin the whole mess on us. </p><p> </p><p>Dammit Janet, that is exactly how I am feeling and don't know what to do with that. I guess it is easier to forgive is someone steals, repents, and then makes full restitution. It might even be easier if someone steals, sincerely repents, and cannot make full restitution for some legitimate reason. But, to steal our entire life savings of over $300,000, leave us thousands of dollars in debt, and devise and implement horrific cover-up schemes that nearly left me suicidal, is tougher, especially in the face of denial and more lies. </p><p> </p><p>Witzend, I'm no sure forgiving is easy in this case. Wish me luck.</p><p> </p><p>Helpangel, I so get the "saving face" and shame issue. These kinds of actions mark you and make others who know about them see you differently. I saw my sister-in-law (wife of the brother who lent me the $20,000) two days ago for the first time in over two years. She and I were friends from high school roughly a thousand years ago. I know from a couple different incidents that she had been angry with me and did not believe me when I told my brother that I was having such a terrible time paying him back. When she saw me now, she threw her arms around me and hugged me very tightly. I was in tears of course, but there were others around so I just smiled and pretended everything was okay. I know she knows the basic situation as I have told my brother all of that, and I know she feels very bad for us, but I cannot help still feel hurt. I am sure that will pass eventually. As you say, we need supportive people and should not cut them off. </p><p> </p><p>MWM- I am no familar with Dr. Hare's work but will make sure to read everything I can from now on. Thanks so much for the head's up. Based on what I have read I do believe she definitely fits the category. I believe it but i cannot process it right now just for my own sanity's sake. I am reading the book several of you recommended, The Sociopath Next Door, and I could have written much of it myself based on our experience with her. </p><p> </p><p>Seeking Strength, I totally get the scam you describe. Our situation was made worse by the fact she pretended to be such a perfect, kind, caring person all while doing such terrible things. It is not at all surprising that the bank would not pursue the $500 your son stole from you. Not one bank involved in our mess has stepped up to do one thing. Their attitude all along was that they don't</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="jeanne in CA, post: 629921, member: 18036"] dstc- I think you have a point on the forgiveness issue. The forensic psychiatrist said something similar when he said that if she shows up at our door on her knees with the two tiny grandchildren in tow begging for our help, that I should reread every report I wrote for the police and the 30 plus page victim statement. At least I don't have to think about that now. The detective told me this morning (we communicate several times a week) that he felt he was getting close to calling her in for questioning and he would be meeting with the prosecutor within the next few days to see if he gets the go ahead to meet with either her or her and her husband both. He said he would tell her that we want absolutely no contact from her at all and if she does contact, depending on what it is, she can be prosecuted for that as well as the stuff he already will be talking to her about. We will see. As for her running, that is clearly a possibility but with no money and, if they take her passport, it could be tough. If she tries to take the little ones (2 and 3 months old) she would have to have money and a place to go I would assume. On the other hand, she may just be arrogant enough to think she can stick it out and pin the whole mess on us. Dammit Janet, that is exactly how I am feeling and don't know what to do with that. I guess it is easier to forgive is someone steals, repents, and then makes full restitution. It might even be easier if someone steals, sincerely repents, and cannot make full restitution for some legitimate reason. But, to steal our entire life savings of over $300,000, leave us thousands of dollars in debt, and devise and implement horrific cover-up schemes that nearly left me suicidal, is tougher, especially in the face of denial and more lies. Witzend, I'm no sure forgiving is easy in this case. Wish me luck. Helpangel, I so get the "saving face" and shame issue. These kinds of actions mark you and make others who know about them see you differently. I saw my sister-in-law (wife of the brother who lent me the $20,000) two days ago for the first time in over two years. She and I were friends from high school roughly a thousand years ago. I know from a couple different incidents that she had been angry with me and did not believe me when I told my brother that I was having such a terrible time paying him back. When she saw me now, she threw her arms around me and hugged me very tightly. I was in tears of course, but there were others around so I just smiled and pretended everything was okay. I know she knows the basic situation as I have told my brother all of that, and I know she feels very bad for us, but I cannot help still feel hurt. I am sure that will pass eventually. As you say, we need supportive people and should not cut them off. MWM- I am no familar with Dr. Hare's work but will make sure to read everything I can from now on. Thanks so much for the head's up. Based on what I have read I do believe she definitely fits the category. I believe it but i cannot process it right now just for my own sanity's sake. I am reading the book several of you recommended, The Sociopath Next Door, and I could have written much of it myself based on our experience with her. Seeking Strength, I totally get the scam you describe. Our situation was made worse by the fact she pretended to be such a perfect, kind, caring person all while doing such terrible things. It is not at all surprising that the bank would not pursue the $500 your son stole from you. Not one bank involved in our mess has stepped up to do one thing. Their attitude all along was that they don't [/QUOTE]
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Adult daughter stole entire life savings-Part 2
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