Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Adult daughter stole entire life savings-Part 2
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 629993" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>This was so very important to me this morning. I think we need to understand what it was that happened, and why it happened ~ how could this person not love us enough to victimize us this way? That's the thing that throws me into the FOG every time. </p><p></p><p>But...I thought you loved me.</p><p></p><p>For me, that always leads back to what I might have done, to who I might be, really ~ no matter who I think I am ~ for that person whose role it was to help or to love me, to have done what they chose, so coldbloodedly, to do to me over time, instead.</p><p></p><p>Over time.</p><p></p><p>That is a big thing, for me. I hear that in your posts too, Jeanne. These betrayals were not crimes of passion.</p><p></p><p>These horribly destructive things were done to us, over time.</p><p></p><p>I feel like a fool about that. I am always posting here about that Billy Joel song about having been a fool for lesser things.</p><p></p><p>I really did mean that. I kept stumbling over these really bad things that seemed to swoop in out of nowhere.</p><p></p><p>Clear blue sky.</p><p></p><p>BAM</p><p></p><p>Given that I am willing to take responsibility for pretty much anything that happens within a ten mile radius </p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>there are times when I feel like I must be this big dope, or someone who is stupid in some way that doesn't show up in other ways. How else could these things keep happening to me? Reading <em>The Sociopath Next Door</em> (which I just finished yesterday) clarified so much about that for me.</p><p></p><p>Just before <em>The Sociopath</em>, I read "<em>Keeping The Love You Find"</em> (Harville Hendrix). The value in that book is that he gives a concise description of how to determine your childhood woundings and trace how it is they affect your life as an adult, in your relationships.</p><p></p><p>Between the two, and especially here, in our discussion today, I am clearing so much that was toxic to me, so much that I didn't understand.</p><p></p><p>("GRRRRR!" Jeanne roars. "Cedar's hijacking my post, again! Oh, that Cedar." "Right you are, Jeanne." Cedar says, not even bothering to blush. "But I think this is all bound up together. Each of the things being discussed today addresses an individual layer of betrayal. That we can see it all at once like this means we can see how the layers fit together. Through doing that, we can see what it meant for us that these things have happened to us. With Witz' post, we can then <em>determine</em> to forgive. Which is about letting go, about getting out from under the terrible judgments we inflict <em>on ourselves</em>.")</p><p></p><p>Nancy was right, about the loss of face. I never thought about it like that. Because it happened, I assumed I had it coming. Assumed that, whatever I thought I was doing, whatever I thought was happening, I was mistaken.</p><p></p><p>How then, would it be possible to trust myself again about anything? And that, pretty much, is how my life has been. There are some things I simply stopped doing. Other things, things I could not avoid, I have done and then, waited with baited breath for the world to come crashing down.</p><p></p><p>The information in the Hendrix book was so helpful to me, Jeanne ~ especially in relation to the books/discussion on sociopathy, forgiveness, and loss of face. I remember your posting about nightmares, anxiety, and difficulty sleeping.</p><p></p><p>I think that happens to us when we force ourselves to cope during the day, when we force ourselves to remain rational while awake. It all comes out in our sleep...but you have nothing factual to understand what happened, how it could happen, why it would ever happen, to you.</p><p></p><p>Your own child.</p><p></p><p>The things discussed on this thread have been very helpful to me, in that regard.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Remember I posted about the therapist and counter-transference. I saw him because of the blame I was carrying around about what happened to my daughter. I was so unsure about what had happened to her, about what I had done to her to make her do what she was doing that I became afraid to parent, to have authority, even to advise my son on his clothing choices. It was at this time that whatever went wrong with the therapist happened.</p><p></p><p>So, I was pretty much devastated on every level.</p><p></p><p>One of the series of things I did at the worst of it was to go back to school. I became a Hospice volunteer. I took ballet classes. Each of these activities was demanding in their own way. When I had taken the degree, become effective as a Hospice volunteer, and learned to dance...I was a person who was more than the person who had been destroyed.</p><p></p><p>So...I lived.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>They do. We see ourselves differently, too. </p><p></p><p>I do.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I agree. From what I have seen with difficult child son, and how differently he behaves than difficult child daughter, I agree.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 629993, member: 17461"] This was so very important to me this morning. I think we need to understand what it was that happened, and why it happened ~ how could this person not love us enough to victimize us this way? That's the thing that throws me into the FOG every time. But...I thought you loved me. For me, that always leads back to what I might have done, to who I might be, really ~ no matter who I think I am ~ for that person whose role it was to help or to love me, to have done what they chose, so coldbloodedly, to do to me over time, instead. Over time. That is a big thing, for me. I hear that in your posts too, Jeanne. These betrayals were not crimes of passion. These horribly destructive things were done to us, over time. I feel like a fool about that. I am always posting here about that Billy Joel song about having been a fool for lesser things. I really did mean that. I kept stumbling over these really bad things that seemed to swoop in out of nowhere. Clear blue sky. BAM Given that I am willing to take responsibility for pretty much anything that happens within a ten mile radius :O) there are times when I feel like I must be this big dope, or someone who is stupid in some way that doesn't show up in other ways. How else could these things keep happening to me? Reading [I]The Sociopath Next Door[/I] (which I just finished yesterday) clarified so much about that for me. Just before [I]The Sociopath[/I], I read "[I]Keeping The Love You Find"[/I] (Harville Hendrix). The value in that book is that he gives a concise description of how to determine your childhood woundings and trace how it is they affect your life as an adult, in your relationships. Between the two, and especially here, in our discussion today, I am clearing so much that was toxic to me, so much that I didn't understand. ("GRRRRR!" Jeanne roars. "Cedar's hijacking my post, again! Oh, that Cedar." "Right you are, Jeanne." Cedar says, not even bothering to blush. "But I think this is all bound up together. Each of the things being discussed today addresses an individual layer of betrayal. That we can see it all at once like this means we can see how the layers fit together. Through doing that, we can see what it meant for us that these things have happened to us. With Witz' post, we can then [I]determine[/I] to forgive. Which is about letting go, about getting out from under the terrible judgments we inflict [I]on ourselves[/I].") Nancy was right, about the loss of face. I never thought about it like that. Because it happened, I assumed I had it coming. Assumed that, whatever I thought I was doing, whatever I thought was happening, I was mistaken. How then, would it be possible to trust myself again about anything? And that, pretty much, is how my life has been. There are some things I simply stopped doing. Other things, things I could not avoid, I have done and then, waited with baited breath for the world to come crashing down. The information in the Hendrix book was so helpful to me, Jeanne ~ especially in relation to the books/discussion on sociopathy, forgiveness, and loss of face. I remember your posting about nightmares, anxiety, and difficulty sleeping. I think that happens to us when we force ourselves to cope during the day, when we force ourselves to remain rational while awake. It all comes out in our sleep...but you have nothing factual to understand what happened, how it could happen, why it would ever happen, to you. Your own child. The things discussed on this thread have been very helpful to me, in that regard. Remember I posted about the therapist and counter-transference. I saw him because of the blame I was carrying around about what happened to my daughter. I was so unsure about what had happened to her, about what I had done to her to make her do what she was doing that I became afraid to parent, to have authority, even to advise my son on his clothing choices. It was at this time that whatever went wrong with the therapist happened. So, I was pretty much devastated on every level. One of the series of things I did at the worst of it was to go back to school. I became a Hospice volunteer. I took ballet classes. Each of these activities was demanding in their own way. When I had taken the degree, become effective as a Hospice volunteer, and learned to dance...I was a person who was more than the person who had been destroyed. So...I lived. They do. We see ourselves differently, too. I do. I agree. From what I have seen with difficult child son, and how differently he behaves than difficult child daughter, I agree. Cedar [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Adult daughter stole entire life savings-Part 2
Top