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Adult daughter stole entire life savings-Part 2
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<blockquote data-quote="jeanne in CA" data-source="post: 630028" data-attributes="member: 18036"><p>Good morning, everyone. Thank you all so much for your messages. It is so sad yet so comforting to know that so many of us are dealing with similar issues that we never in our wildest imaginations thought we would be faced with.</p><p> </p><p>Helpangel, I never thought of the do not fly list and the flagged passport. Thank you for mentioning it. I will check with the detective and see what he can tell me about this. We do have a concern that she might try to take off once confronted by the police. I certainly understand why you would think drugs are a problem in our situation. However, I still feel pretty sure that there are no drugs involved because of the way I have proven so much of the stolen money was spent. The other thing that puts me in the 'no drugs involved category" is that our daughter is physically beautiful and I believe that she thinks too much of herself, the lifestyle she created with the stolen money, and the physical toll drugs take on ones appearance to ever get involved. </p><p> </p><p>MWM- I agree that everything she did was too cold and too calculated and too organized. She had to keep her head on her shoulders and her lies straight in order to do what she did. I firmly believe that money and deception are her game. I realize not that she has an "I win" attitude and will do anything to get what she wants, even if it means destroying the very people who love her. Thank you for the Psyche central website. I will check it out. </p><p> </p><p>Witzend- Thank you for the Desmond Tutu article as well. The whole forgiveness thing is not a major issue for me now because until she admits, feels remorse, attempts to change, etc. it doesn't feel too relevant. I don't expect her to do any of those things HONESTLY so we are left with who or what she is. On the other hand, I am absolutely not consumed with anger and hatred for her. For one thing that is not part of my make-up. For another, if she truly is simply a sociopath, being angry or hating her seems absolutely pointless to me. Its like holding her up to a standard of conduct or behavior that she is simply not going to attain. Once again, its like hating my cat because she's not a dog. I think in the long run I will simply have a very extended grieving process if my predictions that she will never change proof true. I am in no way ready to tackle that yet. </p><p> </p><p>Cedar- I know exactly how you feel when you think about "I thought s/he loved me." That has been one of the most difficult things to accept. I have come to believe that perhaps our daughter did love us sorta, kinda, in a way, but never like we have loved her and like she claimed she loved us. I believe at this point she is simply unable to feel those things like love, conscious, or remorse. That does not mean I pity her. I do not. She does not deserve pity. She deserves to be forcebly stopped and held accountable. Once that happens we will see what she else deserves. I too love Billy Joel and understand why you think of the lyrics to the song about being a fool for lesser things. While I understand it, I can't say I identify with the sentiments. I do not, and never have throughout this entire thing, felt like a fool. Mothers who do their absolute best to raise good citizens and who love their children with their whole hearts should never feel that way. I am so sorry for your heartache and for the heartache for our other comrades in arms. We are part of an army in which we simply got drafted. </p><p> </p><p>Tish and COM- the estate and will issues are part of our list of things to do in the near future. Such a mess. We definitely have put safeguards on our finances at this point. </p><p> </p><p>Now for the update. Yesterday, I received a very disturbing call from a detective for the sheriffs department where our daughter and son-in-law work. It seems our son-in-law has applied for a job with them and this was part of a background check. I was simply speechless at first until the detective told me that everything I told him would be confidential. I didn't have much choice but to give him a briefing on what has taken place, including the fact, that we still believe that our son-in-law has never been an active participant in any of the theft. The detective said that he has found out that there are serious financial problems there and it agreed with me that it is in all likely that our son-in-law has no idea what a financial mess he is in. I was just sick. I provided the name and contact number for our detective and also emphasized over and over that we did not want our son-in-law's professional future jeopardized by what our daugher has done to us. My husband is very very upset about the whole mess and the potential impact on our two tiny grandchildren. I have tried to reassure him that I do not believe that the babies have been impacted by the financial problems in that household because everything we saw of our daughter indicates she was a good mother and I firmly believe that our son-in-law is an excellent father. I do not believe for a moment that the babies are going hungry or unattended. It was really hard to get my husband settled down because he wants "to do something". I intend to report the call to our detective this morning and let him handle the situation. I also believe that once our son-in-law finds out what she has done we will be much more able to "do something" then by providing him with love, support, and child care while he works. I simply have to believe that eventually the right things will happen. Thats my story and I'm sticking to it for today at least.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="jeanne in CA, post: 630028, member: 18036"] Good morning, everyone. Thank you all so much for your messages. It is so sad yet so comforting to know that so many of us are dealing with similar issues that we never in our wildest imaginations thought we would be faced with. Helpangel, I never thought of the do not fly list and the flagged passport. Thank you for mentioning it. I will check with the detective and see what he can tell me about this. We do have a concern that she might try to take off once confronted by the police. I certainly understand why you would think drugs are a problem in our situation. However, I still feel pretty sure that there are no drugs involved because of the way I have proven so much of the stolen money was spent. The other thing that puts me in the 'no drugs involved category" is that our daughter is physically beautiful and I believe that she thinks too much of herself, the lifestyle she created with the stolen money, and the physical toll drugs take on ones appearance to ever get involved. MWM- I agree that everything she did was too cold and too calculated and too organized. She had to keep her head on her shoulders and her lies straight in order to do what she did. I firmly believe that money and deception are her game. I realize not that she has an "I win" attitude and will do anything to get what she wants, even if it means destroying the very people who love her. Thank you for the Psyche central website. I will check it out. Witzend- Thank you for the Desmond Tutu article as well. The whole forgiveness thing is not a major issue for me now because until she admits, feels remorse, attempts to change, etc. it doesn't feel too relevant. I don't expect her to do any of those things HONESTLY so we are left with who or what she is. On the other hand, I am absolutely not consumed with anger and hatred for her. For one thing that is not part of my make-up. For another, if she truly is simply a sociopath, being angry or hating her seems absolutely pointless to me. Its like holding her up to a standard of conduct or behavior that she is simply not going to attain. Once again, its like hating my cat because she's not a dog. I think in the long run I will simply have a very extended grieving process if my predictions that she will never change proof true. I am in no way ready to tackle that yet. Cedar- I know exactly how you feel when you think about "I thought s/he loved me." That has been one of the most difficult things to accept. I have come to believe that perhaps our daughter did love us sorta, kinda, in a way, but never like we have loved her and like she claimed she loved us. I believe at this point she is simply unable to feel those things like love, conscious, or remorse. That does not mean I pity her. I do not. She does not deserve pity. She deserves to be forcebly stopped and held accountable. Once that happens we will see what she else deserves. I too love Billy Joel and understand why you think of the lyrics to the song about being a fool for lesser things. While I understand it, I can't say I identify with the sentiments. I do not, and never have throughout this entire thing, felt like a fool. Mothers who do their absolute best to raise good citizens and who love their children with their whole hearts should never feel that way. I am so sorry for your heartache and for the heartache for our other comrades in arms. We are part of an army in which we simply got drafted. Tish and COM- the estate and will issues are part of our list of things to do in the near future. Such a mess. We definitely have put safeguards on our finances at this point. Now for the update. Yesterday, I received a very disturbing call from a detective for the sheriffs department where our daughter and son-in-law work. It seems our son-in-law has applied for a job with them and this was part of a background check. I was simply speechless at first until the detective told me that everything I told him would be confidential. I didn't have much choice but to give him a briefing on what has taken place, including the fact, that we still believe that our son-in-law has never been an active participant in any of the theft. The detective said that he has found out that there are serious financial problems there and it agreed with me that it is in all likely that our son-in-law has no idea what a financial mess he is in. I was just sick. I provided the name and contact number for our detective and also emphasized over and over that we did not want our son-in-law's professional future jeopardized by what our daugher has done to us. My husband is very very upset about the whole mess and the potential impact on our two tiny grandchildren. I have tried to reassure him that I do not believe that the babies have been impacted by the financial problems in that household because everything we saw of our daughter indicates she was a good mother and I firmly believe that our son-in-law is an excellent father. I do not believe for a moment that the babies are going hungry or unattended. It was really hard to get my husband settled down because he wants "to do something". I intend to report the call to our detective this morning and let him handle the situation. I also believe that once our son-in-law finds out what she has done we will be much more able to "do something" then by providing him with love, support, and child care while he works. I simply have to believe that eventually the right things will happen. Thats my story and I'm sticking to it for today at least. [/QUOTE]
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Adult daughter stole entire life savings-Part 2
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