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Adult daughter stole entire life savings
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<blockquote data-quote="jeanne in CA" data-source="post: 627389" data-attributes="member: 18036"><p>Geez, I wish I had found you guys a year ago.</p><p> </p><p>I hadn't thought about trying to contact our local politicians regarding attorneys who might be willing to take this on. I can do that for sure. The banks have all fallen behind their "policy" of how soon a claim can be filed in order for them to do anything with it. I did not discover the identity theft until some time afterwards although I reported it immediately upon discovery. Of course, part of the reason for not discovering it sooner was that she was producing fraudulent documents indicating that the accounts were fine. She even went so far as to produce buisness cards, and close to a hundred different false banker identities with whom I was in constant communication. I felt that as long as I had everything in writing I had proof that there were qualified, caring, bank representatives working on getting my account problems resolved. She had figured out how to send emails to me that looked like emails from US Bank, Wells Fargo bank, Citibank, etc. The detective told me it was absolutely "astounding".</p><p> </p><p>Although my husband has not been an active participant, at least he has not gotten in my way as I tear through every avenue possible trying to give the police every single detail I find out. The police have said multiple times that there was no way they would have been able to do it all and make sense of it all. </p><p>Each of the 23 reports I wrote and submitted is a case in and of itself. I had false documents from three major credit cards indicating that we had the zero balance we thought we did, when in reality, she had run up around $60,000 in debt and intercepted actual statements.</p><p> </p><p>As I mentioned, he lost his dad to cancer during this period and subsequent to that had a major falling out with his four brothers. His dad had left a mess in terms of his estate and my husband was the only one who was looking out for his stepmother after all her years and devotion to their dad. I will check out the workshop issue and see if he might go. If not, I am sure the book on "healing ground" would be helpful. We are both very determined to get through this no matter what it takes. </p><p> </p><p>"Childofmine" you spoke of your son's denial. I totally get that. Our daughter denied everything we confronted her with and swore she could prove she was telling the truth. I guess when one is a master liar and forger, one gets pretty confident. As far as enabling her, we did not in the usual sense of the word. Giving her money or loaning her money was never an issue because she never needed it and because she said she was working! Often she and I would be together and she would get calls from "work" that she needed to go in and cover someone else's shifts. It is truly remarkable. What did enable her, however, was my mental and emotional state which was so out of whack that all I could see were the problems and all I could do was work harder and harder to get them resolved. I welcomed her "help" so much and was enormously grateful. I was proud of her and touched by her "concern" for me. All of the accounts were in my name so it made it hard for my husband to help, but she could always get answers for me. </p><p> </p><p>I also understand why you thought at times that it might be better if your son were dead. I had that fleeting thought for about a half second until I realized that if my daughter died, her story ended there. As long as she is alive, there is hope she will become a decent person. Do I hold out hope? Not really. That is her decision, not mine, and I can't do a thing about her choices. </p><p> </p><p>Several of you speak about loving your child. I am ashamed to say, I can't actually say that. I know I absolutely adored her before I found out who she was. I was proud of who she had become, how devoted she was to her husband, her child, and her parents (especially me). I felt like finally all the things we taught her while she was growing up had taken hold and she was a beautiful person. Now, I just don't know. How does a mother love a child who has acted so callously over such an extended period of time? (at least four years!) Her actions were calculated to destroy us, yet I absolutely do not believe she hates us. Rather, I think she simply saw us as the means to her end. She has lost all her family including her parents, brother, and an entire loving cadre of aunts and uncles and cousins. Everyone is absolutely stunned and no one saw her for who she was. At this point the most loving thing she has done is not contact us and tell us lies about how she is sorry and wants to make it up to us. </p><p> </p><p>"dammitjanet", you make me laugh. I had the exact same experience with my husband. He was really upset about her getting into my accounts, but when I showed him how she had drained his as well, he blew a gasket. Not funny really, but kinda is. Then he took it personally! </p><p> </p><p>Several of you ask about our son-in-law and how he could not know. Here's what I know. We tried to contact him three times after we confronted her. Two texts and a phone call leaving a voice mail. We got no response. She knew of these however and is very capable of intercepting all three attempts. She is capable to telling him horrible lies about why we have dropped out of their lives so completely. After all, she had terrible parents and he just didn't know them like she did. In reality, I am sure he felt she was working and going to school as we did. We talked about it in terms of her work schedule, her hours, etc. He also did not know how much she was spending. How many husbands know what a $1500 purse looks like or whether or not it is a knockoff? How many husbands know that extensions cost $1200 at some places? My husband wouldn't know extensions from a step ladder. Also, I have figured out there were three ways she shopped. When she was alone, when no one would know what she bought. When she was with me, when I only saw that portion. And, when she and he were out together, when he only saw that portion. If one is determined, one can hide a lot of things. As for the trips, many of them were "business trips" that her company was paying for, or that she got "discounted tickets for." </p><p> </p><p>"Witzend", thanks so much for your input. You may be absolutely right, but for now, I am going to give our son-in-law the benefit of the doubt as are the detectives. He is a cop in a different town so at least I don't have to worry as much about them protecting their own. Since it is a different police department in a different town, the concern for any negative media coverage would not be as great I hope. As for the DA's office, I have made it clear to them that we are absolutely not going to back out of this. If it comes to light that he is somehow involved even to the extent that he suspected and did nothing, rest assured I will drag him into this mess. I appreciate your viewpoint as gleaned from your husband's experience on the Grand Jury. Clearly, I have no frame of reference for this stuff. </p><p> </p><p>Sorry this is so long, just so much to say. Thanks again.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="jeanne in CA, post: 627389, member: 18036"] Geez, I wish I had found you guys a year ago. I hadn't thought about trying to contact our local politicians regarding attorneys who might be willing to take this on. I can do that for sure. The banks have all fallen behind their "policy" of how soon a claim can be filed in order for them to do anything with it. I did not discover the identity theft until some time afterwards although I reported it immediately upon discovery. Of course, part of the reason for not discovering it sooner was that she was producing fraudulent documents indicating that the accounts were fine. She even went so far as to produce buisness cards, and close to a hundred different false banker identities with whom I was in constant communication. I felt that as long as I had everything in writing I had proof that there were qualified, caring, bank representatives working on getting my account problems resolved. She had figured out how to send emails to me that looked like emails from US Bank, Wells Fargo bank, Citibank, etc. The detective told me it was absolutely "astounding". Although my husband has not been an active participant, at least he has not gotten in my way as I tear through every avenue possible trying to give the police every single detail I find out. The police have said multiple times that there was no way they would have been able to do it all and make sense of it all. Each of the 23 reports I wrote and submitted is a case in and of itself. I had false documents from three major credit cards indicating that we had the zero balance we thought we did, when in reality, she had run up around $60,000 in debt and intercepted actual statements. As I mentioned, he lost his dad to cancer during this period and subsequent to that had a major falling out with his four brothers. His dad had left a mess in terms of his estate and my husband was the only one who was looking out for his stepmother after all her years and devotion to their dad. I will check out the workshop issue and see if he might go. If not, I am sure the book on "healing ground" would be helpful. We are both very determined to get through this no matter what it takes. "Childofmine" you spoke of your son's denial. I totally get that. Our daughter denied everything we confronted her with and swore she could prove she was telling the truth. I guess when one is a master liar and forger, one gets pretty confident. As far as enabling her, we did not in the usual sense of the word. Giving her money or loaning her money was never an issue because she never needed it and because she said she was working! Often she and I would be together and she would get calls from "work" that she needed to go in and cover someone else's shifts. It is truly remarkable. What did enable her, however, was my mental and emotional state which was so out of whack that all I could see were the problems and all I could do was work harder and harder to get them resolved. I welcomed her "help" so much and was enormously grateful. I was proud of her and touched by her "concern" for me. All of the accounts were in my name so it made it hard for my husband to help, but she could always get answers for me. I also understand why you thought at times that it might be better if your son were dead. I had that fleeting thought for about a half second until I realized that if my daughter died, her story ended there. As long as she is alive, there is hope she will become a decent person. Do I hold out hope? Not really. That is her decision, not mine, and I can't do a thing about her choices. Several of you speak about loving your child. I am ashamed to say, I can't actually say that. I know I absolutely adored her before I found out who she was. I was proud of who she had become, how devoted she was to her husband, her child, and her parents (especially me). I felt like finally all the things we taught her while she was growing up had taken hold and she was a beautiful person. Now, I just don't know. How does a mother love a child who has acted so callously over such an extended period of time? (at least four years!) Her actions were calculated to destroy us, yet I absolutely do not believe she hates us. Rather, I think she simply saw us as the means to her end. She has lost all her family including her parents, brother, and an entire loving cadre of aunts and uncles and cousins. Everyone is absolutely stunned and no one saw her for who she was. At this point the most loving thing she has done is not contact us and tell us lies about how she is sorry and wants to make it up to us. "dammitjanet", you make me laugh. I had the exact same experience with my husband. He was really upset about her getting into my accounts, but when I showed him how she had drained his as well, he blew a gasket. Not funny really, but kinda is. Then he took it personally! Several of you ask about our son-in-law and how he could not know. Here's what I know. We tried to contact him three times after we confronted her. Two texts and a phone call leaving a voice mail. We got no response. She knew of these however and is very capable of intercepting all three attempts. She is capable to telling him horrible lies about why we have dropped out of their lives so completely. After all, she had terrible parents and he just didn't know them like she did. In reality, I am sure he felt she was working and going to school as we did. We talked about it in terms of her work schedule, her hours, etc. He also did not know how much she was spending. How many husbands know what a $1500 purse looks like or whether or not it is a knockoff? How many husbands know that extensions cost $1200 at some places? My husband wouldn't know extensions from a step ladder. Also, I have figured out there were three ways she shopped. When she was alone, when no one would know what she bought. When she was with me, when I only saw that portion. And, when she and he were out together, when he only saw that portion. If one is determined, one can hide a lot of things. As for the trips, many of them were "business trips" that her company was paying for, or that she got "discounted tickets for." "Witzend", thanks so much for your input. You may be absolutely right, but for now, I am going to give our son-in-law the benefit of the doubt as are the detectives. He is a cop in a different town so at least I don't have to worry as much about them protecting their own. Since it is a different police department in a different town, the concern for any negative media coverage would not be as great I hope. As for the DA's office, I have made it clear to them that we are absolutely not going to back out of this. If it comes to light that he is somehow involved even to the extent that he suspected and did nothing, rest assured I will drag him into this mess. I appreciate your viewpoint as gleaned from your husband's experience on the Grand Jury. Clearly, I have no frame of reference for this stuff. Sorry this is so long, just so much to say. Thanks again. [/QUOTE]
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