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Adult daughter stole entire life savings
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<blockquote data-quote="jeanne in CA" data-source="post: 627662" data-attributes="member: 18036"><p>Your responses have been so helpful and I thank you all once again. Regarding who to tell what, I definitely have a better, more concrete plan thanks to you all.</p><p> </p><p>"Busywend", the tax issue was huge for us. Yes, we paid taxes on all of the money (much of it was retirement funds)she stole and have just gotten that sorted out. We had to file amendments for four years to both state and federal agencies. Got a little bit back for three years but lost thousands for the fourth year because it was out of the limit for filing amendments. That was what gave us the foundation to begin repaying my brother. </p><p> </p><p>"Upallnight", this was definitely her full time job, it takes enormous time and effort to steal, cover-up, and then spend several entire days a week with me while her husband works. She always wanted to spend time with me and I was touched that she did. We took care of the baby, worked around her house, and went out to lunch like what I thought were normal mother/daughter things. Nothing <em>normal </em>about it. I too, have had the thoughts that we may be lucky to be alive. I struggle with not knowing how far a person like that would go to achieve her ends. She took so much more than money. Her actions have fundamentally changed who we are.</p><p> </p><p>"childofmine", several months after we cut off ties with our daughter, our son-in-law's parents emailed us asking if they could call us to discuss why the break. Since we had already told our son-in-law via a telephone message and two detailed texts, we were not sure what they had been told. We discussed the situation with the detective investigating the case and he did not want us to do anything that would jeopardize the investigation. By confiding in sister in law's parents, we would have definitely done that by giving her a head's up on what was coming. I really struggled with that because they were very good people. Luckily they live in Canada so she has limited access to them. </p><p> </p><p>As for getting a good therapist, I have made a couple of attempts. A couple of years ago I started seeing an excellent Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) for the simple reason that we had all these financial problems that I could not get resolved and I was truly at a point of extreme dispair. Therapy was totally new for me. He focused mostly on trying to get me to take care of myself which was fine but I didn't need meditation, I needed answers! Poor guy, he didn't have them. Once I discovered the id theft and who was responsible, our talks took a different turn. Mostly, I was just reporting the news about what I was finding out and he just sat there with his mouth open. I then switched to a psychiatrist who has extensive experience in forensic psychiatry because I wanted to know more about why this had taken place and how to handle it. He is excellent but has very limited time. Our last meeting was 6 weeks ago, because of his schedule, and I have to admit he spent most of the time with his mouth open. Everyone is just stunned at how pervasive and comprehensive her actions were. I go again next week so we will see. </p><p> </p><p>"Cedar" I think you are correct, I have not hit bottom yet emotionally because I have been, and continue to be focused on uncovering every detail I can. I figure that even if the criminal justice system cannot hold her accountable for every single act, I will know and be better able to make decisions. </p><p> </p><p>As always, thank you all for your wisdom and insight.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="jeanne in CA, post: 627662, member: 18036"] Your responses have been so helpful and I thank you all once again. Regarding who to tell what, I definitely have a better, more concrete plan thanks to you all. "Busywend", the tax issue was huge for us. Yes, we paid taxes on all of the money (much of it was retirement funds)she stole and have just gotten that sorted out. We had to file amendments for four years to both state and federal agencies. Got a little bit back for three years but lost thousands for the fourth year because it was out of the limit for filing amendments. That was what gave us the foundation to begin repaying my brother. "Upallnight", this was definitely her full time job, it takes enormous time and effort to steal, cover-up, and then spend several entire days a week with me while her husband works. She always wanted to spend time with me and I was touched that she did. We took care of the baby, worked around her house, and went out to lunch like what I thought were normal mother/daughter things. Nothing [I]normal [/I]about it. I too, have had the thoughts that we may be lucky to be alive. I struggle with not knowing how far a person like that would go to achieve her ends. She took so much more than money. Her actions have fundamentally changed who we are. "childofmine", several months after we cut off ties with our daughter, our son-in-law's parents emailed us asking if they could call us to discuss why the break. Since we had already told our son-in-law via a telephone message and two detailed texts, we were not sure what they had been told. We discussed the situation with the detective investigating the case and he did not want us to do anything that would jeopardize the investigation. By confiding in sister in law's parents, we would have definitely done that by giving her a head's up on what was coming. I really struggled with that because they were very good people. Luckily they live in Canada so she has limited access to them. As for getting a good therapist, I have made a couple of attempts. A couple of years ago I started seeing an excellent Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) for the simple reason that we had all these financial problems that I could not get resolved and I was truly at a point of extreme dispair. Therapy was totally new for me. He focused mostly on trying to get me to take care of myself which was fine but I didn't need meditation, I needed answers! Poor guy, he didn't have them. Once I discovered the id theft and who was responsible, our talks took a different turn. Mostly, I was just reporting the news about what I was finding out and he just sat there with his mouth open. I then switched to a psychiatrist who has extensive experience in forensic psychiatry because I wanted to know more about why this had taken place and how to handle it. He is excellent but has very limited time. Our last meeting was 6 weeks ago, because of his schedule, and I have to admit he spent most of the time with his mouth open. Everyone is just stunned at how pervasive and comprehensive her actions were. I go again next week so we will see. "Cedar" I think you are correct, I have not hit bottom yet emotionally because I have been, and continue to be focused on uncovering every detail I can. I figure that even if the criminal justice system cannot hold her accountable for every single act, I will know and be better able to make decisions. As always, thank you all for your wisdom and insight. [/QUOTE]
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