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Adult daughter stole entire life savings
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 628444" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Jeanne,</p><p></p><p>That story is incredible. While I was reading it, I was feeling a lot of feelings. I cannot imagine the profound sense of "otherworldness" you must be still experiencing yourself. </p><p></p><p>I remember the surreal feeling I had when I read that my ex-husband, evidently a closet binge drinker for much of our marriage, wrote in outpatient rehab that he would at times, get up out of bed in the middle of the night, go to the kitchen, sit on a chair in the dark, and drink scotch out of a bottle until he passed out. </p><p></p><p>I never knew that. We were married for 29 years and slept in the same bed for all of those years. He did "fall asleep" on the couch a lot, and now I wonder just how much he wandered around the house, drinking, passing out, crawling to the couch, or whatever.</p><p></p><p>Also, he wrote in rehab about a weekend early in our marriage when our children were little. I was out of town on a women's church retreat. He said he stayed drunk the whole weekend while taking care of our two sons, who were preschool age and early elementary school age. </p><p></p><p>I never knew that. I had no idea.</p><p></p><p>It was like I had lived with someone who had two complete and separate lives. These are just two instances I knew about, from reading what he wrote in rehab. What about all of the other lies, the other times? What about all of the situations he didn't write down?</p><p></p><p>I really lived with a complete stranger. It still feels surreal to write this down, and we have been divorced since 2008. He is now in recovery and I truly hope he is doing well.</p><p></p><p>No wonder he hated himself. No wonder he had little self-esteem. No wonder he felt the need to lie, to wear a mask so no one could see who he really was. </p><p></p><p>That is the power of addiction, in his case. </p><p></p><p>I know your daughter is not an addict, but she very clearly has a very serious problem. It's hard to understand how her mind functions, and imagine the tremendous energy it takes to maintain all of those stories and deceptions over time.</p><p></p><p>I think difficult children like her and my son, who is a drug addict, "get off on" telling those lies, managing all of it, living on the ragged edge and seeing if they can pull it off. It's a high. An adrenaline rush. </p><p></p><p>Please know that even though I can't fully understand the depth of what you have experienced, and every story is different, there are elements here that are common, like I have described below.</p><p></p><p>I do know that my ex-husband's behaviors, that I learned about at the end of our marriage, made me call into question everything about myself: my judgment about people, my naivete, my acceptance of people at face value, and on and on. </p><p></p><p>It has been the "Dark Night of the Soul" trying to come to terms with this. And finally, I have to again, bow down to the complete power and insidiousness and deception of the 40-foot-tall monster called addiction. It is pure evil. </p><p></p><p>The only good thing I can see from it is that it ultimately drives people to God, and to their own powerlessness. And that can be a very good thing.</p><p></p><p>Warm hugs for you, Jeanne. We are here for you. Keep moving forward.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 628444, member: 17542"] Jeanne, That story is incredible. While I was reading it, I was feeling a lot of feelings. I cannot imagine the profound sense of "otherworldness" you must be still experiencing yourself. I remember the surreal feeling I had when I read that my ex-husband, evidently a closet binge drinker for much of our marriage, wrote in outpatient rehab that he would at times, get up out of bed in the middle of the night, go to the kitchen, sit on a chair in the dark, and drink scotch out of a bottle until he passed out. I never knew that. We were married for 29 years and slept in the same bed for all of those years. He did "fall asleep" on the couch a lot, and now I wonder just how much he wandered around the house, drinking, passing out, crawling to the couch, or whatever. Also, he wrote in rehab about a weekend early in our marriage when our children were little. I was out of town on a women's church retreat. He said he stayed drunk the whole weekend while taking care of our two sons, who were preschool age and early elementary school age. I never knew that. I had no idea. It was like I had lived with someone who had two complete and separate lives. These are just two instances I knew about, from reading what he wrote in rehab. What about all of the other lies, the other times? What about all of the situations he didn't write down? I really lived with a complete stranger. It still feels surreal to write this down, and we have been divorced since 2008. He is now in recovery and I truly hope he is doing well. No wonder he hated himself. No wonder he had little self-esteem. No wonder he felt the need to lie, to wear a mask so no one could see who he really was. That is the power of addiction, in his case. I know your daughter is not an addict, but she very clearly has a very serious problem. It's hard to understand how her mind functions, and imagine the tremendous energy it takes to maintain all of those stories and deceptions over time. I think difficult children like her and my son, who is a drug addict, "get off on" telling those lies, managing all of it, living on the ragged edge and seeing if they can pull it off. It's a high. An adrenaline rush. Please know that even though I can't fully understand the depth of what you have experienced, and every story is different, there are elements here that are common, like I have described below. I do know that my ex-husband's behaviors, that I learned about at the end of our marriage, made me call into question everything about myself: my judgment about people, my naivete, my acceptance of people at face value, and on and on. It has been the "Dark Night of the Soul" trying to come to terms with this. And finally, I have to again, bow down to the complete power and insidiousness and deception of the 40-foot-tall monster called addiction. It is pure evil. The only good thing I can see from it is that it ultimately drives people to God, and to their own powerlessness. And that can be a very good thing. Warm hugs for you, Jeanne. We are here for you. Keep moving forward. [/QUOTE]
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