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Adult daughter stole entire life savings
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<blockquote data-quote="jeanne in CA" data-source="post: 628502" data-attributes="member: 18036"><p><strong>COM- You are so right.</strong> There was and still is a sense of otherworldliness about the entire thing. Perhpas it is not so uncommon for people we love and feel close to to have an entirely separate life. I know I never suspected and I can certainly understand why you didn't with your ex.</p><p> </p><p>I totally agree with your theory that individuals like her and perhaps your son, do get off on all the lies they tell and the excitement of seeing firsthand the chaos they create. It reinforces their belief that they are the smartest ones in the room. Our daughter certainly has a serious problem but cannot fall back on any rationale like drug or alcohol abuse. She is way too clever and way to vain. Alcohol and drugs play havoc with ones personal appearance, and it is clear to me by discovering where she was spending the money she stole, that she was more interested in living a lifestyle that she felt others would envy. I still find it incredible that she gave up the peace of mind that a life of integrity brings. </p><p> </p><p>YOu are also correct in terms of how these situations make us question ourselves. I think for me it was easier however because once I discovered the truth, I found that her actions were so egregious that there was no way her dad or I could have possibly blamed ourselves for that. No parent is perfect, but there was no way we werer taking that on. On the other hand, I find my doubts now are more of the nature of, what kind of judge of character am I since I totally missed that one? Aren't good mothers supposed to have good instincts? God knows I don't have an answer for that.</p><p> </p><p>Last night I posted the Macys story. If you will indulge me a bit longer, I have another angle that she constantly played and that nearly had me suicidal. </p><p> </p><p><strong>The Stop Payments</strong>- Between July 3, 2012 and 10/30/12- our daughter accessed my bank account without my authorization to put stop payments on 22 checks I wrote to pay bills during that period of time. Each of those checks has a story. Here are a few examples: </p><p> </p><p><em>On July 3, I was in PA at our house. My brother came to the house to discuss the $20,000 loan he had given us and the problems we continued to have as we attempted to pay him back. (NOTE: In this instance, as in many others, our daughterhad stolen the money and fabricated statements showing that the money was still there---in addition to inventing non-existent banking officials who “made calls” and “sent emails” to “validate” her assertions.) Up until that date my brother had never agreed to take monthly payments, but that day I once again explained how hard I was working on getting my money from the various financial institutions where I had funds so I could repay him but was meeting dead ends everywhere. I finally got my brother to start letting me pay him monthly installments so I could at least begin paying the loan down until I got my funds freed up. I wrote him a check for $1000. I told our daughter happy I was that at least I could start paying him monthly and told her about the check I wrote him. The check bounced and my brother was furious with me. This was not the first check I had written him over the past few years that had been returned NSF. After that, he would not take any more personal checks from me. I found out in 2013 that she had put a stop payment on that check. </em></p><p><em>· I wrote three checks for our homeowners insurance and home warranty for the house in PA, three checks for water, gas, and garbage for that house, and checks for telephone and electric service for the house in Sacramento. I wrote a check for our auto insurance and I wrote three checks to Wal-Mart for groceries. She put stop payment on all twelve checks. I had to then start the long, painful process of cleaning up the mess created by twelve bounced checks.</em></p><p><em>· I was in PA in the fall of 2012 for a couple of weeks and my daugher and granddaughter were going to join me a few days after I arrived. On my way to the airport my van broke down. Luckily I was near a car repair shop. I called my cousin to come and pick me up and take me to the airport to get Andrea and Kennedy. The repair place had the van ready in two days. When I picked it up, I asked the owner to please take my out-of-state check for the $269.32 repair bill. I had no credit or debit card by that time. He finally agreed. Three days I get a call from him saying that the check was returned by the bank. I was mortified and apologized profusely. My daughter said she would “put it on her credit card and I could pay here.” She gave me the information. They said that card didn’t work. She gave me information for another card. They said that card didn’t work either. She left to return to CA and said she “would take care of that from there.” She called me a day later and said she had “taken care of it and I could reimburse her when I returned to CA.” In the meantime, I was in tears talking to the owner of the repair place twice a day and he was convinced I was simply scamming him. He said they still had no payment and that he was now going to report me to the state police. By that time, I had scraped together almost enough cash to pay him that way but had a flight back to CA. I promised him that if he did not report me to the state police I would have my cousin take him the cash by the end of the week. He reluctantly agreed. My cousin delivered the cash. After discovering the identity theft, I learned that she had placed a stop payment on the check to the repair shop. </em></p><p><em>· I had made a purchase at Big Lots and paid with a check. The check bounced twice, because she had put a stop payment on it. Finally, Big Lots sent it to collections agency. I called them and apologized profusely and promised them payment immediately. I sent them a check for the original purchase and the fees and fines that had accrued by that time. After discovering the identity theft, I learned that she had put a stop payment on that check as well. I then contacted the collection agency and send them payment in full. </em></p><p> </p><p>I realize some people might wonder how I could be so stupid in not suspecting her. Well, at the time, I felt I had no reason to suspect her at all. I was receiving regular letters and emails from my bank telling me they were working on my account problems and that they were getting things straightened out. The correspondence was coming from higher and higher up the chain of command and each was expressing his/her frustration with how long my problems had continued. The emails, statements, and letters all had letterhead etc. and looked totally legitimate. The police are still trying to figure how she forged such realistic documents. </p><p> </p><p>I am so sorry for these long posts. I will try to curtail them from now own. </p><p> </p><p>COM- once again, I think you profoundly for your kindness and support. </p><p>Dammitjanet- I see the similarities in the outrageous stories. Let's hope our situation has a better outcome.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="jeanne in CA, post: 628502, member: 18036"] [B]COM- You are so right.[/B] There was and still is a sense of otherworldliness about the entire thing. Perhpas it is not so uncommon for people we love and feel close to to have an entirely separate life. I know I never suspected and I can certainly understand why you didn't with your ex. I totally agree with your theory that individuals like her and perhaps your son, do get off on all the lies they tell and the excitement of seeing firsthand the chaos they create. It reinforces their belief that they are the smartest ones in the room. Our daughter certainly has a serious problem but cannot fall back on any rationale like drug or alcohol abuse. She is way too clever and way to vain. Alcohol and drugs play havoc with ones personal appearance, and it is clear to me by discovering where she was spending the money she stole, that she was more interested in living a lifestyle that she felt others would envy. I still find it incredible that she gave up the peace of mind that a life of integrity brings. YOu are also correct in terms of how these situations make us question ourselves. I think for me it was easier however because once I discovered the truth, I found that her actions were so egregious that there was no way her dad or I could have possibly blamed ourselves for that. No parent is perfect, but there was no way we werer taking that on. On the other hand, I find my doubts now are more of the nature of, what kind of judge of character am I since I totally missed that one? Aren't good mothers supposed to have good instincts? God knows I don't have an answer for that. Last night I posted the Macys story. If you will indulge me a bit longer, I have another angle that she constantly played and that nearly had me suicidal. [B]The Stop Payments[/B]- Between July 3, 2012 and 10/30/12- our daughter accessed my bank account without my authorization to put stop payments on 22 checks I wrote to pay bills during that period of time. Each of those checks has a story. Here are a few examples: [I]On July 3, I was in PA at our house. My brother came to the house to discuss the $20,000 loan he had given us and the problems we continued to have as we attempted to pay him back. (NOTE: In this instance, as in many others, our daughterhad stolen the money and fabricated statements showing that the money was still there---in addition to inventing non-existent banking officials who “made calls” and “sent emails” to “validate” her assertions.) Up until that date my brother had never agreed to take monthly payments, but that day I once again explained how hard I was working on getting my money from the various financial institutions where I had funds so I could repay him but was meeting dead ends everywhere. I finally got my brother to start letting me pay him monthly installments so I could at least begin paying the loan down until I got my funds freed up. I wrote him a check for $1000. I told our daughter happy I was that at least I could start paying him monthly and told her about the check I wrote him. The check bounced and my brother was furious with me. This was not the first check I had written him over the past few years that had been returned NSF. After that, he would not take any more personal checks from me. I found out in 2013 that she had put a stop payment on that check. · I wrote three checks for our homeowners insurance and home warranty for the house in PA, three checks for water, gas, and garbage for that house, and checks for telephone and electric service for the house in Sacramento. I wrote a check for our auto insurance and I wrote three checks to Wal-Mart for groceries. She put stop payment on all twelve checks. I had to then start the long, painful process of cleaning up the mess created by twelve bounced checks. · I was in PA in the fall of 2012 for a couple of weeks and my daugher and granddaughter were going to join me a few days after I arrived. On my way to the airport my van broke down. Luckily I was near a car repair shop. I called my cousin to come and pick me up and take me to the airport to get Andrea and Kennedy. The repair place had the van ready in two days. When I picked it up, I asked the owner to please take my out-of-state check for the $269.32 repair bill. I had no credit or debit card by that time. He finally agreed. Three days I get a call from him saying that the check was returned by the bank. I was mortified and apologized profusely. My daughter said she would “put it on her credit card and I could pay here.” She gave me the information. They said that card didn’t work. She gave me information for another card. They said that card didn’t work either. She left to return to CA and said she “would take care of that from there.” She called me a day later and said she had “taken care of it and I could reimburse her when I returned to CA.” In the meantime, I was in tears talking to the owner of the repair place twice a day and he was convinced I was simply scamming him. He said they still had no payment and that he was now going to report me to the state police. By that time, I had scraped together almost enough cash to pay him that way but had a flight back to CA. I promised him that if he did not report me to the state police I would have my cousin take him the cash by the end of the week. He reluctantly agreed. My cousin delivered the cash. After discovering the identity theft, I learned that she had placed a stop payment on the check to the repair shop. · I had made a purchase at Big Lots and paid with a check. The check bounced twice, because she had put a stop payment on it. Finally, Big Lots sent it to collections agency. I called them and apologized profusely and promised them payment immediately. I sent them a check for the original purchase and the fees and fines that had accrued by that time. After discovering the identity theft, I learned that she had put a stop payment on that check as well. I then contacted the collection agency and send them payment in full. [/I] I realize some people might wonder how I could be so stupid in not suspecting her. Well, at the time, I felt I had no reason to suspect her at all. I was receiving regular letters and emails from my bank telling me they were working on my account problems and that they were getting things straightened out. The correspondence was coming from higher and higher up the chain of command and each was expressing his/her frustration with how long my problems had continued. The emails, statements, and letters all had letterhead etc. and looked totally legitimate. The police are still trying to figure how she forged such realistic documents. I am so sorry for these long posts. I will try to curtail them from now own. COM- once again, I think you profoundly for your kindness and support. Dammitjanet- I see the similarities in the outrageous stories. Let's hope our situation has a better outcome. [/QUOTE]
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