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Adult daughter stole entire life savings
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 628506" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Jeanne, I know when I write things like you have above it is so helpful to me. It helps me process. Feel free to do what you need to do on this board to help yourself as well as others.</p><p></p><p>There is something so cold, so calculating, so distant and so reptilian (I see a snake just watching, not blinking, waiting to strike, <strong>enjoying </strong>the waiting, the writhing of the prospective victim) about your daughter listening to you and being a bystander to your confusion, upset, embarrassment, fear and running around trying to fix every single mess that she created. </p><p></p><p>You can't make this stuff up, it would be too hard to think of it. </p><p></p><p>Human beings continue to surprise---and shock----me. What we are capable of, at both ends of the spectrum. We are capable of the most profound kindness and generosity and also the most insidious meanness and lack of compassion for other people. I guess that is the full spectrum of being human.</p><p></p><p>Thankfully, most people are somewhere in the middle and we all have flashes of both greatness and meanness. When we see someone who premeditates and continues with behaviors like you describe, we can only conclude there is serious mental deficiency or illness present. There is something essential lacking. What else could we possibly conclude?</p><p></p><p>Where is the empathy? Where is the compassion? Where is the love? Where is the responsibility? Where is the kindness? Where is the gentleness? Where is the attachment? </p><p></p><p>These are profoundly human qualities and qualities that influence our behavior every day. We can't escape them, most of us, thankfully. </p><p></p><p>Jeanne, I am working to accept, and not deflect, deny or hide my head in the sand, about the truth of humanity. That the world is just plain made up of all kinds of people, and that is reality and that is part of life and actually, that is part of the natural order of things. I stop short of saying that God decrees this type of behavior and downright evil, because I do not think He does, but he does allow free will and the natural workings of the world. But I digress. </p><p></p><p>As I work to open my eyes to reality, it helps me continue to decide what kind of person I want to be. How I want to spend my time. How I want to spend my energy. </p><p></p><p>Love messes up the equation I am working toward. Life = messy, ugly, wonderful I am messy, ugly, wonderful. difficult child is messy, ugly, wonderful. I love difficult child and I want to accept all of him and quit <u><em><strong>struggling against</strong></em></u> who he is and how he behaves. To find a way for him to be in my life, and for that to work for me. </p><p></p><p>How does he fit within my life? I am learning to love him from a distance. That works better for me, today. I can take him in small doses, very small doses. I am leaving him alone for the most part, today, for myself. That has slowly changed over time. For a while I could not leave him alone, and I was completely enmeshed. I was like a person wrapped in fishing net (difficult child). When the net moved, I moved. Then, I slowly started disentangling myself from the net, but the motivation was for him. I started seeing that my over-involvement was not good for him. I still didn't really care about myself. I could only start doing what I thought would be better for him. He was so much more important than I was. </p><p></p><p>Today, I am just as important as he is. I can't change another person, place or thing. I just can't. I had lost myself in difficult child, and that wasn't the first time. I was always setting myself aside for someone else, to the point of ridiculousness. That is not a good way to be. It is not valuing myself and taking care of myself and learning my own limitations. It is a crazy combination of arrogance and low self-esteem.</p><p></p><p>I am learning to value myself, and I am learning how to life that new life, which is a much better, more balanced life. It is a much less reactive life, in all of my relationships. I am learning to say no. I am learning to set limits for myself and other people (boundaries). I am learning about peace, contentment, joy, serenity. I am living within myself, not through other people.</p><p></p><p>It is work I should have done a long, long time ago but where was the motivation? I did what I knew how to do, to survive, until that didn't work anymore. </p><p></p><p>Jeanne, thank you for opening up to us and for sharing here. You are helping me with your story. Blessings and hugs and strength for the journey ahead I wish for you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 628506, member: 17542"] Jeanne, I know when I write things like you have above it is so helpful to me. It helps me process. Feel free to do what you need to do on this board to help yourself as well as others. There is something so cold, so calculating, so distant and so reptilian (I see a snake just watching, not blinking, waiting to strike, [B]enjoying [/B]the waiting, the writhing of the prospective victim) about your daughter listening to you and being a bystander to your confusion, upset, embarrassment, fear and running around trying to fix every single mess that she created. You can't make this stuff up, it would be too hard to think of it. Human beings continue to surprise---and shock----me. What we are capable of, at both ends of the spectrum. We are capable of the most profound kindness and generosity and also the most insidious meanness and lack of compassion for other people. I guess that is the full spectrum of being human. Thankfully, most people are somewhere in the middle and we all have flashes of both greatness and meanness. When we see someone who premeditates and continues with behaviors like you describe, we can only conclude there is serious mental deficiency or illness present. There is something essential lacking. What else could we possibly conclude? Where is the empathy? Where is the compassion? Where is the love? Where is the responsibility? Where is the kindness? Where is the gentleness? Where is the attachment? These are profoundly human qualities and qualities that influence our behavior every day. We can't escape them, most of us, thankfully. Jeanne, I am working to accept, and not deflect, deny or hide my head in the sand, about the truth of humanity. That the world is just plain made up of all kinds of people, and that is reality and that is part of life and actually, that is part of the natural order of things. I stop short of saying that God decrees this type of behavior and downright evil, because I do not think He does, but he does allow free will and the natural workings of the world. But I digress. As I work to open my eyes to reality, it helps me continue to decide what kind of person I want to be. How I want to spend my time. How I want to spend my energy. Love messes up the equation I am working toward. Life = messy, ugly, wonderful I am messy, ugly, wonderful. difficult child is messy, ugly, wonderful. I love difficult child and I want to accept all of him and quit [U][I][B]struggling against[/B][/I][/U] who he is and how he behaves. To find a way for him to be in my life, and for that to work for me. How does he fit within my life? I am learning to love him from a distance. That works better for me, today. I can take him in small doses, very small doses. I am leaving him alone for the most part, today, for myself. That has slowly changed over time. For a while I could not leave him alone, and I was completely enmeshed. I was like a person wrapped in fishing net (difficult child). When the net moved, I moved. Then, I slowly started disentangling myself from the net, but the motivation was for him. I started seeing that my over-involvement was not good for him. I still didn't really care about myself. I could only start doing what I thought would be better for him. He was so much more important than I was. Today, I am just as important as he is. I can't change another person, place or thing. I just can't. I had lost myself in difficult child, and that wasn't the first time. I was always setting myself aside for someone else, to the point of ridiculousness. That is not a good way to be. It is not valuing myself and taking care of myself and learning my own limitations. It is a crazy combination of arrogance and low self-esteem. I am learning to value myself, and I am learning how to life that new life, which is a much better, more balanced life. It is a much less reactive life, in all of my relationships. I am learning to say no. I am learning to set limits for myself and other people (boundaries). I am learning about peace, contentment, joy, serenity. I am living within myself, not through other people. It is work I should have done a long, long time ago but where was the motivation? I did what I knew how to do, to survive, until that didn't work anymore. Jeanne, thank you for opening up to us and for sharing here. You are helping me with your story. Blessings and hugs and strength for the journey ahead I wish for you. [/QUOTE]
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