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Adult homeless son calling several times a day
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 690427" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Alaska, there is a link at the bottom of this post having to do with communicating with our sometimes so troubled adult children. It was helpful to me to have a ~ I don't know. Like a mentor for the mothering I wanted to do for my children, and for the mother I needed to be, for myself. </p><p></p><p>One of the things that happens when our children are so troubled is that we fall short of our expectations of ourselves as mothers. We take the actions that seem to be the right ones, but we feel awful about all of it, and about what has happened to our families. Having a model for how to address what is happening sincerely and yet, with respect and compassion for both our children and ourselves helped me very much. It's like I wasn't as lost, anymore. The kids won't like it, but once we have our feet on the ground, we can do what seems like the right thing without beating ourselves up over it.</p><p></p><p>I agree that meth is a bad one.</p><p></p><p>Another thing that helped me was to learn how whatever drug it is that our children are using affects brain chemistry. If you google those questions, research on this subject will come up for you. It isn't that the drug creates the high. It is that the drug wrings the brain of (for instance) dopamine. Under the influence of the drug, the brain is bathed in dopamine, and that creates the high. But the brain manufactured the dopamine in the first place. (I am using dopamine as an example.) Once the drug is out of the system, the brain is out of chemical balance. The person is miserable, and depressed. If they use the drug often enough, the brain begins destroying dopamine receptors in an effort to protect itself from the dangerously euphoric high created by too much dopamine. We cannot watch for predators when we are in a state of euphoria. That is why the brain does that. It is attempting to bring itself back into balance. </p><p></p><p>That is the circle of addiction as I understand it.</p><p></p><p>Our addicted children truly are not themselves anymore. Literally, they are not the person they were before they began using whatever drug it is. </p><p></p><p>Reading Darkwing Psyduck's posts here on P.E. and in S.A. forum was helpful to me in understanding how things look from our adult child's point of view. I think you would find comfort in reading his posts, too. I am so pleased for all of us that Darkwing posts here with us.</p><p></p><p>That was for you Darkwing, if you are reading along.</p><p></p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/hugs.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":hugs:" title="hugs :hugs:" data-shortname=":hugs:" /></p><p></p><p>Thank you.</p><p></p><p>For us, the question becomes how to parent our children, how to manage to love them somehow, when they are such jerks.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>The other very important piece for us is somehow managing to love and respect ourselves through this. That is very hard to do. For me, it is.</p><p></p><p>Holding you and yours in my thoughts this morning, Alaska. Please take a minute to check out the link at the bottom of this post. It's in my signature.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 690427, member: 17461"] Alaska, there is a link at the bottom of this post having to do with communicating with our sometimes so troubled adult children. It was helpful to me to have a ~ I don't know. Like a mentor for the mothering I wanted to do for my children, and for the mother I needed to be, for myself. One of the things that happens when our children are so troubled is that we fall short of our expectations of ourselves as mothers. We take the actions that seem to be the right ones, but we feel awful about all of it, and about what has happened to our families. Having a model for how to address what is happening sincerely and yet, with respect and compassion for both our children and ourselves helped me very much. It's like I wasn't as lost, anymore. The kids won't like it, but once we have our feet on the ground, we can do what seems like the right thing without beating ourselves up over it. I agree that meth is a bad one. Another thing that helped me was to learn how whatever drug it is that our children are using affects brain chemistry. If you google those questions, research on this subject will come up for you. It isn't that the drug creates the high. It is that the drug wrings the brain of (for instance) dopamine. Under the influence of the drug, the brain is bathed in dopamine, and that creates the high. But the brain manufactured the dopamine in the first place. (I am using dopamine as an example.) Once the drug is out of the system, the brain is out of chemical balance. The person is miserable, and depressed. If they use the drug often enough, the brain begins destroying dopamine receptors in an effort to protect itself from the dangerously euphoric high created by too much dopamine. We cannot watch for predators when we are in a state of euphoria. That is why the brain does that. It is attempting to bring itself back into balance. That is the circle of addiction as I understand it. Our addicted children truly are not themselves anymore. Literally, they are not the person they were before they began using whatever drug it is. Reading Darkwing Psyduck's posts here on P.E. and in S.A. forum was helpful to me in understanding how things look from our adult child's point of view. I think you would find comfort in reading his posts, too. I am so pleased for all of us that Darkwing posts here with us. That was for you Darkwing, if you are reading along. :hugs: Thank you. For us, the question becomes how to parent our children, how to manage to love them somehow, when they are such jerks. :O) The other very important piece for us is somehow managing to love and respect ourselves through this. That is very hard to do. For me, it is. Holding you and yours in my thoughts this morning, Alaska. Please take a minute to check out the link at the bottom of this post. It's in my signature. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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