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Substance Abuse
Adult son (22) ruining his life
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<blockquote data-quote="Signorina" data-source="post: 538249"><p>Hi!</p><p></p><p>My story is much like yours. Synopsis - My difficult child was a HS graduate with a bright future who went on a downward slide once he was away at college where he began earnestly drinking and using pot. Our offer to have him stay home his 2nd year & get back on track at Com College was scorned and he left last year against our wishes, without our financial support and subsequently failed out of school. Regardless - after being home for "Christmas Break" he decided he preferred to live in his college apartment, scraping by on p/t minimum wage rather than stay home & get his act together. He now has lost an entire year of education and has emptied all of his childhood savings accounts and has nothing to show for his 10 months "away at school." We've tried everything we can think of to get him back on track and allow him to save face. For a while - we thought that getting him back to school at any cost - was in our best interests because at least he would get an education. I later learned that placating him gave him the power in our relationship and he took full advantage. </p><p></p><p>I just want you to know that you are not alone. I came here 9 months ago, incredulous to find myself in this situation and certain that someone had the perfect answer that would solve my problem. Like most moms, I blamed myself for handling it wrong and was sure there was an answer somewhere that I just couldn't see. Sometimes, I still think I must be missing something - how can it be that I can't find a way to get him on the right path?</p><p></p><p>Z is right. Providing endless "soft landings" only prolongs the process. Our kids aren't like us. Most people are grateful for a second chance and take advantage of it and LEARN from mistakes. With my son, a second chance was the equivalent of lowering the bar. The 3rd, 4th, 5th+ chances just lowered it even further. Eventually I was scraping the ground trying to save him from himself. Each time we saved him, we started the clock over. Like your son, my son needs to hit bottom. Helping him and fixing the problems only prolongs and delays the process. It doesn't make sense to those of us who would relish a second chance. But that's the way it is with these kids. </p><p></p><p>I am so sorry that you are going through this but I am glad you found us. You are on the right track with offering love and rehab. Hang tough, keep posting - we are here for you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Signorina, post: 538249"] Hi! My story is much like yours. Synopsis - My difficult child was a HS graduate with a bright future who went on a downward slide once he was away at college where he began earnestly drinking and using pot. Our offer to have him stay home his 2nd year & get back on track at Com College was scorned and he left last year against our wishes, without our financial support and subsequently failed out of school. Regardless - after being home for "Christmas Break" he decided he preferred to live in his college apartment, scraping by on p/t minimum wage rather than stay home & get his act together. He now has lost an entire year of education and has emptied all of his childhood savings accounts and has nothing to show for his 10 months "away at school." We've tried everything we can think of to get him back on track and allow him to save face. For a while - we thought that getting him back to school at any cost - was in our best interests because at least he would get an education. I later learned that placating him gave him the power in our relationship and he took full advantage. I just want you to know that you are not alone. I came here 9 months ago, incredulous to find myself in this situation and certain that someone had the perfect answer that would solve my problem. Like most moms, I blamed myself for handling it wrong and was sure there was an answer somewhere that I just couldn't see. Sometimes, I still think I must be missing something - how can it be that I can't find a way to get him on the right path? Z is right. Providing endless "soft landings" only prolongs the process. Our kids aren't like us. Most people are grateful for a second chance and take advantage of it and LEARN from mistakes. With my son, a second chance was the equivalent of lowering the bar. The 3rd, 4th, 5th+ chances just lowered it even further. Eventually I was scraping the ground trying to save him from himself. Each time we saved him, we started the clock over. Like your son, my son needs to hit bottom. Helping him and fixing the problems only prolongs and delays the process. It doesn't make sense to those of us who would relish a second chance. But that's the way it is with these kids. I am so sorry that you are going through this but I am glad you found us. You are on the right track with offering love and rehab. Hang tough, keep posting - we are here for you. [/QUOTE]
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