Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Adult son back in jail for the nth time
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 679594" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hi Detaching, GOOD name......no you are not on the wrong forum, you landed in the right place. So sorry for all you have been through and for what is happening now. You have thought this out well. As a grandma also, I know how difficult this is and how conflicting feelings can take over.</p><p>I am sorry for your troubles with your son. It is good that you have stood up and not allowed him to run over your life. </p><p></p><p>It is not you fault, none of it, and he is an adult. Even if mental illness runs in your family, you cannot predetermine or control genetics.</p><p></p><p>HE can choose to accept his illness and need for medication. </p><p></p><p>Meth is a horrible drug. It does horrible things to our kids. How devastating for you and son that he was able to function and pay restitution, start a business, then backslide. But, on the upswing, it shows that he is capable. It also reaffirms detachment, because he did all this without funds from you. Here is a good article on detachment that helps me stay the course....</p><p></p><p><a href="http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/" target="_blank">http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/</a></p><p></p><p>So now, the issue for you is pregnant girlfriend and your grandchild. This is a tough one, for sure.</p><p> You know Detaching, I have three grands by my daughter. I love them dearly, but have not seen them for five months now (daughter is "<em>punishing us".</em>)</p><p>We have been in and out, over around and through the woods with issues with the kids and grands. It has been a rough ride to say the least. Heartbreaking. Well, I will tell you, that through the years of craziness, CPS involvement, etc., etc. in the long run the objective of the system is <em>reunification of the family</em>. They are the parents. </p><p>They need to learn how to care for their children, their responsibility. </p><p></p><p>I know, there is that desperate voice in the back of the mind and heart "How the heck are they going to do that, they can't even care for themselves?"</p><p>Still and then, it is their responsibility.</p><p>We stepped in when the kids were babies, when CPS called. It may sound cruel, but looking back, I would have said no. What will make the kids see their job, if we step in to rescue? It was too comfortable for them, too easy. Their kids were with their parents, they could and did continue on their destructive path.....</p><p></p><p>You are wise to look at your options and understand what you can, and cannot do. It doesn't make the ache of the situation any less. </p><p></p><p> If you suspect the girlfriend is using while pregnant, I suggest calling 211, to see what support you can get for the unborn child, if you choose to get involved this way. If she is found to be using while pregnant, at least in our State, there are measures taken to stop it. </p><p></p><p>I am so sorry for the pain of this. I know it is hard. You sound very strong and understand your limitations. Keep posting and sharing, it really helps. Your story helps others on the same journey, in different places on the path. I am sorry for your need to be here, but very glad you have found us. </p><p>You are not alone, others will come along and reply. </p><p>Weekends can be a bit slow. But we are here for you.</p><p></p><p>Welcome to the forum.</p><p></p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 679594, member: 19522"] Hi Detaching, GOOD name......no you are not on the wrong forum, you landed in the right place. So sorry for all you have been through and for what is happening now. You have thought this out well. As a grandma also, I know how difficult this is and how conflicting feelings can take over. I am sorry for your troubles with your son. It is good that you have stood up and not allowed him to run over your life. It is not you fault, none of it, and he is an adult. Even if mental illness runs in your family, you cannot predetermine or control genetics. HE can choose to accept his illness and need for medication. Meth is a horrible drug. It does horrible things to our kids. How devastating for you and son that he was able to function and pay restitution, start a business, then backslide. But, on the upswing, it shows that he is capable. It also reaffirms detachment, because he did all this without funds from you. Here is a good article on detachment that helps me stay the course.... [URL]http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/[/URL] So now, the issue for you is pregnant girlfriend and your grandchild. This is a tough one, for sure. You know Detaching, I have three grands by my daughter. I love them dearly, but have not seen them for five months now (daughter is "[I]punishing us".[/I]) We have been in and out, over around and through the woods with issues with the kids and grands. It has been a rough ride to say the least. Heartbreaking. Well, I will tell you, that through the years of craziness, CPS involvement, etc., etc. in the long run the objective of the system is [I]reunification of the family[/I]. They are the parents. They need to learn how to care for their children, their responsibility. I know, there is that desperate voice in the back of the mind and heart "How the heck are they going to do that, they can't even care for themselves?" Still and then, it is their responsibility. We stepped in when the kids were babies, when CPS called. It may sound cruel, but looking back, I would have said no. What will make the kids see their job, if we step in to rescue? It was too comfortable for them, too easy. Their kids were with their parents, they could and did continue on their destructive path..... You are wise to look at your options and understand what you can, and cannot do. It doesn't make the ache of the situation any less. If you suspect the girlfriend is using while pregnant, I suggest calling 211, to see what support you can get for the unborn child, if you choose to get involved this way. If she is found to be using while pregnant, at least in our State, there are measures taken to stop it. I am so sorry for the pain of this. I know it is hard. You sound very strong and understand your limitations. Keep posting and sharing, it really helps. Your story helps others on the same journey, in different places on the path. I am sorry for your need to be here, but very glad you have found us. You are not alone, others will come along and reply. Weekends can be a bit slow. But we are here for you. Welcome to the forum. (((HUGS))) leafy [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Adult son back in jail for the nth time
Top