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Adult son back in jail for the nth time
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<blockquote data-quote="detachingmother" data-source="post: 679597" data-attributes="member: 20063"><p>Thank you so much for your reply Leafy, so fast!</p><p></p><p>There is so much in your post that helps me find at least some relief, the main relief of not being alone. Thank you also for the link to the detachment article. I have been good at detachment before but yes, oh yes, now the playing field has changed with baby involved. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /> I'm waffling between wanting to be in her life, to wanting to not even start, because like you said, I know it will be one hell of a nightmare with having my heart ripped out when they "punish" me. They've already try the manipulating to get $, or I can't see baby, and if I don't do this or that, I won't see baby. I tell them tough, go ahead, keep baby from me. ANd, I mean it on one level, but I know it will be hard, always wondering if baby is being cared for properly.</p><p></p><p>girlfriend isn't a drug user, she's different in that way, but has a very explosive temper, which is of course one reason why I am so fearful for what kind of parenting they can be...she's gone to jail for punching my son in the face in the middle of a mall in front of shoppers and a security guard. She was mad that son was accusing her of "cheating" while deflecting that he was "high".</p><p></p><p>Sadly, she's gone to jail for beating a young woman up who looked at her wrong in a grocery store among other things...looking at her you wouldn't be able to guess she's so explosive. She looks so sweet UGHH. Neither of these two were raised this way, both come from God fearing affluent communities, but both prefer to spend time in what I call "the ghetto".</p><p></p><p>Thankfully, she's been seeing a therapist every week for 3 months now. So, while she's similar, I shouldn't have said she's the same. lol My son can push me into wanting to punch him too, but anyway, I digress...</p><p></p><p>Her father has a stalking PPO against my son, as she lives with her parents, and my son in his paranoid state crawls around in the snow, examining what he thinks are footprints to accuse her of cheating and having other men over. Yep, literally he tries to match footprints to guys he thinks she's cheating with....so, I'm sure when he gets out it will get worse. I have told them over and over again, the parents, his issues...tried to prevent them even getting pregnant, because I do NOT see this ending well. It's highly volatile. The list of what he does to try and catch her "cheating" is endless....stealing phone and going through it for days on end, ....etc. He even harrasses her from jail, calling and accusing her. I don't know why she even tries with him, other than they share the BI-polar diagnosis and enable each other. Its neither here nor there, but he has caught her cheating once....but, you know, he would not walk away. He much prefers the drama.</p><p></p><p>Unfortunately, him in jail is a good thing right now. I fear this will end with a documentary on "Snapped" or ID 20/20 with one or both of them killing the other. I've written a letter to the judge, as well, with complete honest thoughts of what the heck is going on with facts that back it all up, with mental health history included. There is no belief that my kid is a good kid doing bad things...I know he's not fit for society the way things are. I lost that delusion long ago. I only say this, bc I see this alot with other mother's....the denial. I've been stripped of all niceties in so many ways...</p><p></p><p>Right now, I'm doing everything I can to have him released into a long-term facility, Because I don't think he will do much time. For this latest crime, He drove his truck into a driveway of a home, stole a gas can and tried to steal gas, while high. Criminal activity and bad for sure, but no one was hurt, so he will problem do most 6 months. The sad part is he had a pocket full of money and could've went to a gas station if he wasn't so high that he didn't realize he was going to run out of gas. The jail is crowded, and so are the mental health facilities in our area, as they are most places...they always let him walk for non-violent crimes. But, I'm afraid with his girlfriend, it will become violent and someone will be hurt with no return. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" />---I could have bailed him out for $750 but refuse. And, now I'm refusing to pad his phone account, bc he's abusing the privilege, and I'm stopping commissary funding too, bc he trades his goods for phone calls to call and accuse girlfriend of cheating.</p><p></p><p>The other part of the story, is he has said, and so has she that they think the baby might not even be his, during anger fits of rage, so I also fear that if he's out of jail when she gives birth and it comes out the color of the guy he thinks she cheated with, someone will be hurt badly....so badly, my son knocks people out with one punch, other men, and I've seen him do three guys in under 30 seconds or so....make me cry so hard.</p><p></p><p>Right now with him in jail, they're both safe, and baby will be safe, but....hate to see what will happen down the road if he continues to refuse treatment.</p><p></p><p>Thank you again Leafy! I am going to go be productive for awhile in the world and try to not think.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="detachingmother, post: 679597, member: 20063"] Thank you so much for your reply Leafy, so fast! There is so much in your post that helps me find at least some relief, the main relief of not being alone. Thank you also for the link to the detachment article. I have been good at detachment before but yes, oh yes, now the playing field has changed with baby involved. :( I'm waffling between wanting to be in her life, to wanting to not even start, because like you said, I know it will be one hell of a nightmare with having my heart ripped out when they "punish" me. They've already try the manipulating to get $, or I can't see baby, and if I don't do this or that, I won't see baby. I tell them tough, go ahead, keep baby from me. ANd, I mean it on one level, but I know it will be hard, always wondering if baby is being cared for properly. girlfriend isn't a drug user, she's different in that way, but has a very explosive temper, which is of course one reason why I am so fearful for what kind of parenting they can be...she's gone to jail for punching my son in the face in the middle of a mall in front of shoppers and a security guard. She was mad that son was accusing her of "cheating" while deflecting that he was "high". Sadly, she's gone to jail for beating a young woman up who looked at her wrong in a grocery store among other things...looking at her you wouldn't be able to guess she's so explosive. She looks so sweet UGHH. Neither of these two were raised this way, both come from God fearing affluent communities, but both prefer to spend time in what I call "the ghetto". Thankfully, she's been seeing a therapist every week for 3 months now. So, while she's similar, I shouldn't have said she's the same. lol My son can push me into wanting to punch him too, but anyway, I digress... Her father has a stalking PPO against my son, as she lives with her parents, and my son in his paranoid state crawls around in the snow, examining what he thinks are footprints to accuse her of cheating and having other men over. Yep, literally he tries to match footprints to guys he thinks she's cheating with....so, I'm sure when he gets out it will get worse. I have told them over and over again, the parents, his issues...tried to prevent them even getting pregnant, because I do NOT see this ending well. It's highly volatile. The list of what he does to try and catch her "cheating" is endless....stealing phone and going through it for days on end, ....etc. He even harrasses her from jail, calling and accusing her. I don't know why she even tries with him, other than they share the BI-polar diagnosis and enable each other. Its neither here nor there, but he has caught her cheating once....but, you know, he would not walk away. He much prefers the drama. Unfortunately, him in jail is a good thing right now. I fear this will end with a documentary on "Snapped" or ID 20/20 with one or both of them killing the other. I've written a letter to the judge, as well, with complete honest thoughts of what the heck is going on with facts that back it all up, with mental health history included. There is no belief that my kid is a good kid doing bad things...I know he's not fit for society the way things are. I lost that delusion long ago. I only say this, bc I see this alot with other mother's....the denial. I've been stripped of all niceties in so many ways... Right now, I'm doing everything I can to have him released into a long-term facility, Because I don't think he will do much time. For this latest crime, He drove his truck into a driveway of a home, stole a gas can and tried to steal gas, while high. Criminal activity and bad for sure, but no one was hurt, so he will problem do most 6 months. The sad part is he had a pocket full of money and could've went to a gas station if he wasn't so high that he didn't realize he was going to run out of gas. The jail is crowded, and so are the mental health facilities in our area, as they are most places...they always let him walk for non-violent crimes. But, I'm afraid with his girlfriend, it will become violent and someone will be hurt with no return. :(---I could have bailed him out for $750 but refuse. And, now I'm refusing to pad his phone account, bc he's abusing the privilege, and I'm stopping commissary funding too, bc he trades his goods for phone calls to call and accuse girlfriend of cheating. The other part of the story, is he has said, and so has she that they think the baby might not even be his, during anger fits of rage, so I also fear that if he's out of jail when she gives birth and it comes out the color of the guy he thinks she cheated with, someone will be hurt badly....so badly, my son knocks people out with one punch, other men, and I've seen him do three guys in under 30 seconds or so....make me cry so hard. Right now with him in jail, they're both safe, and baby will be safe, but....hate to see what will happen down the road if he continues to refuse treatment. Thank you again Leafy! I am going to go be productive for awhile in the world and try to not think. [/QUOTE]
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Adult son back in jail for the nth time
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