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Adult son back in jail for the nth time
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<blockquote data-quote="detachingmother" data-source="post: 679721" data-attributes="member: 20063"><p>Child of Mine, that was a great analogy. I do feel like I am constantly putting out fires. With just Son, I have been able to detach, at least as much as was necessary for myself, and when it almost took me down in many ways (taking time of work, having to sacrifice other children's needs to help him, almost being evicted myself bc of his behavior, losing vehicles after he stole and wrecked them, etc--you know what some of us go through). </p><p></p><p>I feel like as soon as I meet grandgirl, I will be instantly attached, so I almost don't want to even do that...but I will, I'm sure I will not be able to disregard her, the new little princess on the way). I guess I will have to be ready for all that will come with it and learn what I will do or not do. My big "waffle". This is where my legs go weak.</p><p></p><p>My own daughter has a seizural disorder (schizencephaly---nothing to do with mental illness, just means "split brain"--she was born with a split in her right hemisphere). She lives independently and rarely needs mama for much. Thank GOD, but I need to keep close with her, she lives by me, and right now she's also having a few minor problems with her learning disability and medication control. We go to a doctor appointment all day, the day before my Son's court pretrial, but his issues area always so much crazier, it makes hers seem like a cake walk, and a much welcomed break from him. </p><p></p><p>Then, my gifted 17 yr old son, Mensa member and a young Toastmaster, and every other thing he was interested in who has a ton on his plate right now, needs me too, even though he is very independent as well. He's graduating this year. He has lots going on, events, plays he's in in the theater, odd competitions, etc, I need to be at and then help plan (Open House-College-etc). </p><p></p><p>These two are tired of oldest Son disrupting the lives of all of us. Although, they too sometimes enable him. Somehow though, they have been able to separate themselves quite successfully. I many ways we have all already grieved. </p><p></p><p>I too have separated myself. Booted him out countless times, but it was when I TRULY cut him off that he learned how to at least financially provide for himself. </p><p></p><p>I have to face the fact that he may not make it. I feel like I have to all over again, throw him to the "sharks", his own demonic sharks, sink or swim. It has to be done. I have to prepare for whatever he chooses. After all, it is his choice and only his choice. </p><p></p><p>Even sending in the jail shrink again, with a friends help, to get his medications going again, will probably be a waste, since he always quits. That, or he will "outwit" the shrink again.</p><p></p><p>On one hand, Son seeing me "push" him aside to focus on other kids, will make him worse. They all need things, and such very different attention, it's hard to keep up. I guess one day at a time, one thing at a time, and prioritize hopefully the best way to do it all. <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/cautious.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":cautious:" title="cautious :cautious:" data-shortname=":cautious:" /><img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite5" alt=":confused:" title="Confused :confused:" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":confused:" /></p><p></p><p>Terry J, Thank you for sharing your story. When my son was in his teens, I pressed charges on him too. I often wonder if letting him go to Juvie, rather than putting him in boot camp was a bad mistake. He was stealing my car, stealing my money and going into one of the worst cities in our country doing who knows what. But it got old, having my car impounded and trashed, and the cops bringing him home in the middle of the night. I thought if I gave him tough love then, it would prevent things from happening in his future, but I have to be honest here, I feel like I made the wrong choice there. He became much more angry, hostile, and started doing drugs. Anyway, bad habit of digressing....can't turn back time.</p><p></p><p>Good for your daughter. I often though I would've gotten my PhD. I was accepted into all three programs I applied for. I just have a B.S in Clinical with also a Cognitive concentration. Just couldn't do it, my kids had sacrificed enough, as I was older when I went back to school I like the story you shared about the person who murdered during a psychotic episode, well not liked what happened obviously, but like that you shared. During an internship I did an intake on a young woman who had killed her father for raping her. This poor girl went to prison for 10 years. Now that just infuriates me. Yup, this "system" is no good. Very sad. Your daughter must have a huge heart and be very patient and kind, bc that's what it takes to work in this field.<img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/likeit.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":likeit:" title="likeit :likeit:" data-shortname=":likeit:" /></p><p></p><p>Child of Mine, thanks for wondering. I did get a job offer, as I smiled and put all of Sons issues behind me for a moment, while inside I was crying. Not sure yet if I will take it, because I think I have another one on the line and still need to learn more about which will be the best fit. <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/cry.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":cry:" title="cry :cry:" data-shortname=":cry:" /> Interestingly enough, it involves working with adult foster care people, 11 people, 3 of whom have schizophrenia--all high functioning, and regulated and active in community. </p><p></p><p>Maybe this could work. My small business, which I have done the past 12 years and has nothing to do with mental health, just has not been working out due to new changes our current president made (long story I don't want to think about), and I need to work again, full time out in the world. It's not the clients I dislike working with, it's the damn system. Makes me crazy. lol.<img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/smiley_simmons.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":smiley_simmons:" title="smiley_simmons :smiley_simmons:" data-shortname=":smiley_simmons:" /></p><p></p><p>Just talked to psychotherapist friend, he's making call to psychiatrist to get medications to Son in jail. I hope this works. </p><p></p><p>There I go again, rambling on and on....sorry. I should read some other stories, and get out of my own head. <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/geek.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":geek:" title="geek :geek:" data-shortname=":geek:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="detachingmother, post: 679721, member: 20063"] Child of Mine, that was a great analogy. I do feel like I am constantly putting out fires. With just Son, I have been able to detach, at least as much as was necessary for myself, and when it almost took me down in many ways (taking time of work, having to sacrifice other children's needs to help him, almost being evicted myself bc of his behavior, losing vehicles after he stole and wrecked them, etc--you know what some of us go through). I feel like as soon as I meet grandgirl, I will be instantly attached, so I almost don't want to even do that...but I will, I'm sure I will not be able to disregard her, the new little princess on the way). I guess I will have to be ready for all that will come with it and learn what I will do or not do. My big "waffle". This is where my legs go weak. My own daughter has a seizural disorder (schizencephaly---nothing to do with mental illness, just means "split brain"--she was born with a split in her right hemisphere). She lives independently and rarely needs mama for much. Thank GOD, but I need to keep close with her, she lives by me, and right now she's also having a few minor problems with her learning disability and medication control. We go to a doctor appointment all day, the day before my Son's court pretrial, but his issues area always so much crazier, it makes hers seem like a cake walk, and a much welcomed break from him. Then, my gifted 17 yr old son, Mensa member and a young Toastmaster, and every other thing he was interested in who has a ton on his plate right now, needs me too, even though he is very independent as well. He's graduating this year. He has lots going on, events, plays he's in in the theater, odd competitions, etc, I need to be at and then help plan (Open House-College-etc). These two are tired of oldest Son disrupting the lives of all of us. Although, they too sometimes enable him. Somehow though, they have been able to separate themselves quite successfully. I many ways we have all already grieved. I too have separated myself. Booted him out countless times, but it was when I TRULY cut him off that he learned how to at least financially provide for himself. I have to face the fact that he may not make it. I feel like I have to all over again, throw him to the "sharks", his own demonic sharks, sink or swim. It has to be done. I have to prepare for whatever he chooses. After all, it is his choice and only his choice. Even sending in the jail shrink again, with a friends help, to get his medications going again, will probably be a waste, since he always quits. That, or he will "outwit" the shrink again. On one hand, Son seeing me "push" him aside to focus on other kids, will make him worse. They all need things, and such very different attention, it's hard to keep up. I guess one day at a time, one thing at a time, and prioritize hopefully the best way to do it all. :cautious::confused: Terry J, Thank you for sharing your story. When my son was in his teens, I pressed charges on him too. I often wonder if letting him go to Juvie, rather than putting him in boot camp was a bad mistake. He was stealing my car, stealing my money and going into one of the worst cities in our country doing who knows what. But it got old, having my car impounded and trashed, and the cops bringing him home in the middle of the night. I thought if I gave him tough love then, it would prevent things from happening in his future, but I have to be honest here, I feel like I made the wrong choice there. He became much more angry, hostile, and started doing drugs. Anyway, bad habit of digressing....can't turn back time. Good for your daughter. I often though I would've gotten my PhD. I was accepted into all three programs I applied for. I just have a B.S in Clinical with also a Cognitive concentration. Just couldn't do it, my kids had sacrificed enough, as I was older when I went back to school I like the story you shared about the person who murdered during a psychotic episode, well not liked what happened obviously, but like that you shared. During an internship I did an intake on a young woman who had killed her father for raping her. This poor girl went to prison for 10 years. Now that just infuriates me. Yup, this "system" is no good. Very sad. Your daughter must have a huge heart and be very patient and kind, bc that's what it takes to work in this field.:likeit: Child of Mine, thanks for wondering. I did get a job offer, as I smiled and put all of Sons issues behind me for a moment, while inside I was crying. Not sure yet if I will take it, because I think I have another one on the line and still need to learn more about which will be the best fit. :cry: Interestingly enough, it involves working with adult foster care people, 11 people, 3 of whom have schizophrenia--all high functioning, and regulated and active in community. Maybe this could work. My small business, which I have done the past 12 years and has nothing to do with mental health, just has not been working out due to new changes our current president made (long story I don't want to think about), and I need to work again, full time out in the world. It's not the clients I dislike working with, it's the damn system. Makes me crazy. lol.:smiley_simmons: Just talked to psychotherapist friend, he's making call to psychiatrist to get medications to Son in jail. I hope this works. There I go again, rambling on and on....sorry. I should read some other stories, and get out of my own head. :geek: [/QUOTE]
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Adult son back in jail for the nth time
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