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Adult son back in jail for the nth time
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<blockquote data-quote="detachingmother" data-source="post: 679957" data-attributes="member: 20063"><p>Savior no More. My heart goes out to you. It's good to hear you are getting some relief by reading. I am brand new here, but like you, no stranger to this mess we find ourselves in.</p><p></p><p>I feel for you and encourage you to write your story. It helps us greatly to put it out there. As I am learning writing also helps others. Thank you for letting me know my post did help you. </p><p></p><p>Just know for now, you are not alone.</p><p></p><p>I will clarify though,...I do offer commissary, but through a site his jail uses called icare.com. I only send a few things. I have sent books in the past, but only educational, or self help books. I actually just sent a few books. I noticed he does get something out of these types of books--they do help my Son and he likes to read. So, I send some here and there. I will also put some money in account to cover his medications, as well as some phone calls. So, I am not good at not helping him there, somewhat. I do NOT however put money in his account bc he wants me too or asks me too. I probably do it, bc I know he doesn't expect it. I only do what I want, when I want, on my own terms. </p><p></p><p><strong><em><u>With that said, I have gone weeks and months without talking to him. If you haven't done this yet, you should definitely do it now. At least for awhile. </u></em></strong></p><p></p><p>What I am good at is NOT letting him in my home, unless he is in active treatment, and unless he is respectful on all levels to myself and other family members. I also talk to him on the phone often as long as he's respectful.</p><p></p><p>Given your son's crime, he sadly, will most likely be there for quite some time.</p><p></p><p>I wouldn't talk to him until he stews at least for awhile. And, until you can calm down and be able to hold your ground firmly with him. And when you do talk to him, definitely command respect. OR, click, another week. That's my opinion. Meanwhile, that doesn't mean you can't contact the jail counselor to get the ball rolling on treatment, bc as you probably know, that takes forever in most jails. But again, just do what you want to do.</p><p></p><p>I know how hard it is though, because initially there will be all sorts of things to sort out. Court appointed attorney, court dates, etc. </p><p></p><p>All you need to know is that he's safe, your safe, society in general is safe. That's all you really need to know right now. I am not in the boat the of extreme no contact, but I am not against it either. For me, talking to son or any of my kids is a given, unless I am being disrespected. I've taught them always that I am only a phone call away.</p><p></p><p>You do whatever is right for you. Only you know your limits. But, in your son's case I'd wait at least a week. And don't spend more than you can afford on phone calls. That should be a given.</p><p></p><p>BIG HUGS to you Savior no more. We will never be able to just fix them, so all we can do is hope the try to fix themselves.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="detachingmother, post: 679957, member: 20063"] Savior no More. My heart goes out to you. It's good to hear you are getting some relief by reading. I am brand new here, but like you, no stranger to this mess we find ourselves in. I feel for you and encourage you to write your story. It helps us greatly to put it out there. As I am learning writing also helps others. Thank you for letting me know my post did help you. Just know for now, you are not alone. I will clarify though,...I do offer commissary, but through a site his jail uses called icare.com. I only send a few things. I have sent books in the past, but only educational, or self help books. I actually just sent a few books. I noticed he does get something out of these types of books--they do help my Son and he likes to read. So, I send some here and there. I will also put some money in account to cover his medications, as well as some phone calls. So, I am not good at not helping him there, somewhat. I do NOT however put money in his account bc he wants me too or asks me too. I probably do it, bc I know he doesn't expect it. I only do what I want, when I want, on my own terms. [B][I][U]With that said, I have gone weeks and months without talking to him. If you haven't done this yet, you should definitely do it now. At least for awhile. [/U][/I][/B] What I am good at is NOT letting him in my home, unless he is in active treatment, and unless he is respectful on all levels to myself and other family members. I also talk to him on the phone often as long as he's respectful. Given your son's crime, he sadly, will most likely be there for quite some time. I wouldn't talk to him until he stews at least for awhile. And, until you can calm down and be able to hold your ground firmly with him. And when you do talk to him, definitely command respect. OR, click, another week. That's my opinion. Meanwhile, that doesn't mean you can't contact the jail counselor to get the ball rolling on treatment, bc as you probably know, that takes forever in most jails. But again, just do what you want to do. I know how hard it is though, because initially there will be all sorts of things to sort out. Court appointed attorney, court dates, etc. All you need to know is that he's safe, your safe, society in general is safe. That's all you really need to know right now. I am not in the boat the of extreme no contact, but I am not against it either. For me, talking to son or any of my kids is a given, unless I am being disrespected. I've taught them always that I am only a phone call away. You do whatever is right for you. Only you know your limits. But, in your son's case I'd wait at least a week. And don't spend more than you can afford on phone calls. That should be a given. BIG HUGS to you Savior no more. We will never be able to just fix them, so all we can do is hope the try to fix themselves. [/QUOTE]
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Adult son back in jail for the nth time
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