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Parent Emeritus
Adult Son ReLapsed
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 735902" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Welcome. I'm sorry you're struggling with your son's behaviors. At 33, it seems the time has come for him to be accountable for his actions and suffer the consequences of his choices. Often they are not aware of how much their choices impact us, especially if substance abuse is involved. So, we have to take care of ourselves as the priority, which can get sticky with our own "good parent" expectations, guilt, fears for their safety and well being ......and not knowing what to do. If you instinctively sense that now is the time to set boundaries, then it may be prudent for you to get yourselves some support in whatever fashion feels right to you because it can be tough to tell our kids no, to set limits and boundaries.....and to change patterned, old, unhealthy behaviors.</p><p></p><p>It may be helpful for you to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. </p><p></p><p>It's painful when those we love go off the rails for whatever reason......it's very difficult for us parents who are on the sidelines, often powerless to stop the train wreck right in front of us......although we try and try and try, it rarely works.....they are the ones who have to commit to change and if they don't, nothing changes. Therefore, it is us who do the heavy lifting of change. And, that involves boundaries and stellar self care. </p><p></p><p>Hang in there, you're not alone, we've been or are in your shoes....keep posting, it helps.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 735902, member: 13542"] Welcome. I'm sorry you're struggling with your son's behaviors. At 33, it seems the time has come for him to be accountable for his actions and suffer the consequences of his choices. Often they are not aware of how much their choices impact us, especially if substance abuse is involved. So, we have to take care of ourselves as the priority, which can get sticky with our own "good parent" expectations, guilt, fears for their safety and well being ......and not knowing what to do. If you instinctively sense that now is the time to set boundaries, then it may be prudent for you to get yourselves some support in whatever fashion feels right to you because it can be tough to tell our kids no, to set limits and boundaries.....and to change patterned, old, unhealthy behaviors. It may be helpful for you to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. It's painful when those we love go off the rails for whatever reason......it's very difficult for us parents who are on the sidelines, often powerless to stop the train wreck right in front of us......although we try and try and try, it rarely works.....they are the ones who have to commit to change and if they don't, nothing changes. Therefore, it is us who do the heavy lifting of change. And, that involves boundaries and stellar self care. Hang in there, you're not alone, we've been or are in your shoes....keep posting, it helps. [/QUOTE]
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