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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 287867" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Will they put in an IV to hydrate her? Just wondering if that might make her more rational.</p><p></p><p>I think no seatbelt in the wheelchair or restraints in the bed are ridiculous. It is harsh, but if they let her fall once, will they then be allowed to use restraints? I would be tempted to have them let her fall the one time, if it meant that then they could keep her safe.</p><p></p><p>It is hard on those who have never spent time with the elderly. I was blessed with grandparents who had me visit with-o my parents - every year! Even at 16 and 19 I was still excited to go visit them. I had my own apartment in hte assisted living place! And Gma's friends were a riot! I still crack up about being sent into the hall so they could read the xrated fortune cookies!!</p><p></p><p>I also was there when my other Gma was very ill, including a visit the last time she went into the hospital. She died less than 48 hours later. Same for my great Gma. She was taken to a nursing home at age 96 when she could no longer function in her own home alone. It was more of an assisted living place, but it horrified her. She still remembered when single teachers lived with a family or an elderly person and cared for them. That is what she wanted. She told us good-bye because she was ready to die. All but 2 of her kids died before her. She die less than 2 days after she went into the home. </p><p></p><p>Your husband NEEDS to be back on the medications. This is causing his brain not to process properly. Depression is nothing but a chemical problem in the brain. The trazodone will fix that. It also may help him sleep. If he won't go to the doctor then you should call the doctor and explain the situation. Maybe he can give a month or two of medications and then see husband somewhere in that time frame.</p><p></p><p>Do what you need to in order to get by. This is a tough time, but it is also a normal part of the life cycle. sister in law is right to insist her husband and son fly in at a moment's notice. And the airlines have special rates if you are flying for a medical emergency. They sometimes give you the discounted rates even if you don't book in advance, or else they cut the rate to close to that.</p><p></p><p>I am glad you are getting help to clean out mother in law's home. At least you don't have that burden alone. You need to insist easy child and Nichole help out some. Even if they are working. You have done some of this stuff when working, we all do. You still must squeeze in a couple of hours. It won't help the kids if you shield them from this. In the long run it will make it harder to handle when you are elderly.</p><p></p><p>I am hoping this draws to a close soon. NOT that I wish mother in law dead, but I wish her suffering to end soon.</p><p></p><p>The laws do seem strange for nursing homes. I know a friend of mine fought for 2 years after her Gma died to have some things changed here. She had a lawsuit against the nursing home because her gma was sent to the hospital for a "fall" and there were footprints in bruises all over her - head, front, back, even legs had some. They found out that the night staff hadn't had background checks and some had violent felonies on record!!!! Even serious jail time on record!!! SHE found this out with a simple check of the county records - and it didn't cost her a penny to find out.</p><p></p><p>So the nursing homes here now have to check backgrounds, and they ended up paying a lot in a wrongful death suit because her Gma died from the beating.</p><p></p><p>But also she fought for restraints because her Gma did fall a lot. They used bed rails, but there was a 5 inch gap between the mattress and the rails and she would get stuck in it, sometimes for hours. The staff argued that if they used restraints then they had to go in too often to give her drinks and take her to the bathroom!! Or to help her eat. But they had to help with those things anyway because she couldn't do them!</p><p></p><p>Here, when our neighbor (adopted Gpa) was in the nursing home the staff rarely even knew if visitors came. He didn't remember either. He was put on a mattress on the floor because he screamed non-stop in restraints.. And he couldn't even stand alone. It was NOT what his wife wanted, she was furious, but eventually she saw that it was for his safety. He had the mind of a 2yo, if that. Very very sad because he was BRILLIANT, but old age is not kind. </p><p></p><p>I hope they can make mother in law comfortable until she dies. And that you can get husband some much needed medications.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 287867, member: 1233"] Will they put in an IV to hydrate her? Just wondering if that might make her more rational. I think no seatbelt in the wheelchair or restraints in the bed are ridiculous. It is harsh, but if they let her fall once, will they then be allowed to use restraints? I would be tempted to have them let her fall the one time, if it meant that then they could keep her safe. It is hard on those who have never spent time with the elderly. I was blessed with grandparents who had me visit with-o my parents - every year! Even at 16 and 19 I was still excited to go visit them. I had my own apartment in hte assisted living place! And Gma's friends were a riot! I still crack up about being sent into the hall so they could read the xrated fortune cookies!! I also was there when my other Gma was very ill, including a visit the last time she went into the hospital. She died less than 48 hours later. Same for my great Gma. She was taken to a nursing home at age 96 when she could no longer function in her own home alone. It was more of an assisted living place, but it horrified her. She still remembered when single teachers lived with a family or an elderly person and cared for them. That is what she wanted. She told us good-bye because she was ready to die. All but 2 of her kids died before her. She die less than 2 days after she went into the home. Your husband NEEDS to be back on the medications. This is causing his brain not to process properly. Depression is nothing but a chemical problem in the brain. The trazodone will fix that. It also may help him sleep. If he won't go to the doctor then you should call the doctor and explain the situation. Maybe he can give a month or two of medications and then see husband somewhere in that time frame. Do what you need to in order to get by. This is a tough time, but it is also a normal part of the life cycle. sister in law is right to insist her husband and son fly in at a moment's notice. And the airlines have special rates if you are flying for a medical emergency. They sometimes give you the discounted rates even if you don't book in advance, or else they cut the rate to close to that. I am glad you are getting help to clean out mother in law's home. At least you don't have that burden alone. You need to insist easy child and Nichole help out some. Even if they are working. You have done some of this stuff when working, we all do. You still must squeeze in a couple of hours. It won't help the kids if you shield them from this. In the long run it will make it harder to handle when you are elderly. I am hoping this draws to a close soon. NOT that I wish mother in law dead, but I wish her suffering to end soon. The laws do seem strange for nursing homes. I know a friend of mine fought for 2 years after her Gma died to have some things changed here. She had a lawsuit against the nursing home because her gma was sent to the hospital for a "fall" and there were footprints in bruises all over her - head, front, back, even legs had some. They found out that the night staff hadn't had background checks and some had violent felonies on record!!!! Even serious jail time on record!!! SHE found this out with a simple check of the county records - and it didn't cost her a penny to find out. So the nursing homes here now have to check backgrounds, and they ended up paying a lot in a wrongful death suit because her Gma died from the beating. But also she fought for restraints because her Gma did fall a lot. They used bed rails, but there was a 5 inch gap between the mattress and the rails and she would get stuck in it, sometimes for hours. The staff argued that if they used restraints then they had to go in too often to give her drinks and take her to the bathroom!! Or to help her eat. But they had to help with those things anyway because she couldn't do them! Here, when our neighbor (adopted Gpa) was in the nursing home the staff rarely even knew if visitors came. He didn't remember either. He was put on a mattress on the floor because he screamed non-stop in restraints.. And he couldn't even stand alone. It was NOT what his wife wanted, she was furious, but eventually she saw that it was for his safety. He had the mind of a 2yo, if that. Very very sad because he was BRILLIANT, but old age is not kind. I hope they can make mother in law comfortable until she dies. And that you can get husband some much needed medications. [/QUOTE]
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