Let me start by saying I never wish to live into my 90's. Never. Maybe not even the 80's, but since I know many elderly who still have a pretty high quality of life in their 80's....I'll set the bar at 90. (like I'm gonna make it anywhere near that lol) mother in law at 94 is deteriorating at an alarming rate, most especially from the family's point of view. Those of us with experience in medicine.....it's not surprising, however it is hitting other family members, most especially the sons really hard. Having spent alot of my childhood hanging out in nursing homes and being raised by my grandmother......the issues of the elderly do not phase me. Add in that I worked in nursing homes as a young adult which gave me the medical view of the same issues. I can walk into a nursing home and greet each patient as if I've known them my entire life. It bothers husband because actually this is what I automatically do to any paitent I encounter to and from mother in law's room. It makes husband uncomfortable enough just to visit his mother, let alone have me standing in the hall making chit chat with residents we don't even know. But that's the way I am, and have always been. So, I find myself forgetting how difficult this is on husband. For me it's a normal progression of life. For him......well, let's just say he hasn't been fun to live with lately. mother in law has been moved to her 3rd room in 24 hrs in the nursing home. She is a very high fall risk. This last move is to a room directly across from the nurses' station. New laws prevent the nursing home from restraining her to prevent her getting out of bed or the wheelchair in her cofused state. I've decided our country and it's laws are taking a nose dive off the deep end. I can't possibly count the number of nursing homes I've spent huge amounts of time in over the course of my life. They ranged from bad to supreme in patient care. And not once, not a single time did I ever see a patient restrained when it was NOT necessary for the patient's safety. Granted to outsiders some of the restraint devices appear to be harsh. But they were designed for patient comfort, so the patient couldn't remove them, and to protect the patient. They were not designed to make a fashion statement. The first thing I noticed was there were no guard rails on mother in law's bed when she arrived at the nursing home via ambulance. Medic was as disgusted with that as I was. Evidently it's perfectly fine for a confused patient to fall, but having bed rails to prevent them getting out of the bed is considered entrapment. Nursing home had to get special orders from dr ego to move mother in law to a room where the bed had gaurd rails. They have what reminds me of a tumbling pad on the floor next to her bed in case she should get up and fall to help keep injury to a minimum. They had to call me this morning for special permission to move her to yet another room directly across from the nurses station because she won't stop trying to get out of bed or the wheelchair. This is so they can keep a close eye on her.........because retaining her to either bed or wheelchair is considered entrapment. They can't even give her a seat belt for the wheelchair until she falls. I'm sorry. But these laws.........are wrong in so many different ways. I am having trouble believing that someone managed to get them passed. It doesn't matter that I've given the nursing home permission to restrain mother in law as needed because I understand the need to do so is there. This is ridiculous. Hospitals can have guard rails on their beds and it is not considered entrapment. It's standard safety. easy child told me they are allowed to restrain with their own judgement up to 24 hours without a doctor order, after that they need a written order. Yet that is not entrapment. I think the world has gone crazy. mother in law is still not eating/drinking. I did managed to get her to eat a bite of cookie yesterday. I'll try again today when we go to sign paperwork. I had to cut our visit short yesterday because mother in law would not stop trying to go from bed to wheelchair.....and she wasn't waiting for anyone to help her. husband and I parked the wheelchair across the room in hopes she wouldn't attempt to walk that far to get to it. But evidently, they were still having issues after we left. Watching his mother in this condition is killing husband. Having to face and accept the fact that she is willing herself to die....... He's never had to deal with anything like this before. He gets mad at me because I behave as if it is nothing out of the ordinary, and while it makes me sad, I also have seen it before and can accept it. I'm sure I seem like a cold fish to him right now. Nothing I can do to change it. Sister in law is bumping up her visit to arrive on saturday. We'll be emptying the house as well as her apartment at assisted living. mother in law won't be leaving the nursing home. In truth, she's stated to me repeatedly that she doesn't want to leave. Sister in law has informed her husband and son that they are to be available to fly up here on a moments notice should mother in law's condition warrent it. She is not going to have her husband feeling miserable for the rest of his life because he didn't try to see his mother before she passed. So now........I've got to kill myself cleaning again. Not just because sister in law and neice are coming, but because I've got to have room for mother in law's furniture ect that is coming here. And thanks to the past week, my house is trashed again. Nichole can't help because she's working 10 hr days. Just my luck of course. Nope. I don't want to live to be 90. I don't want to hang around once my quality of life deteriorates to basically nothing. Any family heirlooms will be passed on to who they're going to long before I reach that point, so nothing will really have to be sorted thru after I'm gone. Just chuck what they don't want in the trash. Two weeks, and the worst of it, emptying the house, should be over. I'm counting the days. It's not going to be easy by a long shot. And sister in law is also hoping to give me a break from mother in law during that time. I think she forgets just how much stuff mother in law has. lol But I'll gladly take the break. I may have to drag husband back to the doctor to get back on the trazadone soon. The man is driving me nuts. While he's being good about helping me with his Mom..........he's being vicious with everyone else.