My 10 year old daughter has ODD (Oppositional Defiant disorder). We have struggled for years with her. She's been under the care of a psychiatrist and a therapist for years. She's on medications. Nothing helps. She's extremely abusive towards her 4 year old brother and my husband and I. We can't discipline her anymore because she becomes completely violent. We can't even ask her to pick up her stuff, or make her bed without her becoming violent. She tells me to go f*** myself. Screams at the top of her lungs. Lies about anything and everything. We can't trust her. I'm tired and I'm sad because I feel like all my love for her is draining. I'm scared of leaving her and my 4 year old in a room without me or my husband because she pushes him hits his head or bites him. I've called police and bewell to my home numerous times. No one does anything. She's been taken to the hospital but they won't admit her into the psychiatric ward. They just send her home. I feel like we are unsafe. I feel like she will kill one of us one day. What do I do? We are tired and done.
Need help, my husband and i cant take anymore!
- Thread starter brose93
- Start date
brose ~ I think it's a very good idea for now that you are not allowing your daughter to be alone with your son.
As kate mentioned I too think it's time for a second opinion. She's young and there's a lot you have control over still that you won't have in a few years. Has she had a complete neuro psychological exam done? I think it was Copa who has mentioned here in the past there are children's hospitals where it would be best to get her with a team who can really delve into what is going on with your daughter.
As kate mentioned I too think it's time for a second opinion. She's young and there's a lot you have control over still that you won't have in a few years. Has she had a complete neuro psychological exam done? I think it was Copa who has mentioned here in the past there are children's hospitals where it would be best to get her with a team who can really delve into what is going on with your daughter.
She's seen 4 different psychiatrists over the past couple of years now and 3 different therapists.
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
The Child Development Department at a regional children's hospital. First for a thorough neuropsychological exam, then a team with child psychiatrist, social worker, pediatrician, etc.
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
As you are aware this is a serious safety issue, that falls within the purview of Child Protective Services who could at some point place your 4-year-old out of your home. I would go to a Family Law attorney to explore your options.
My son had seen 2 psychiatrists who even with the knowledge of the strong family history on his dad's side were totally inadequate for him. In his case the 3rd was the charm, well for his childhood anyway. As far as therapists go, if someone has a biological brain disorder, which I suspect your daughter does, therapy will not help until the right medications/dosages are discovered. To add more confusion, the more drastic the behaviors are does not equate to higher dosages of medication, sometimes lower is more appropriate.
I hope you are able to find the help you need soon.
We are here....
mindinggaps
Member
@brose93 I'm an adult who was diagnosed with ODD and had very similar symptoms to your daughter for periods of my youth. I am currently living a healthy and happy life so there is hope and you must not give up. It is however a critical time for your daugther and I strongly agree with a couple points raised by @Deni D
She is still at a stage where proper intervention can totally transform her life. If she has been diagnosed by a psychiatrist but does not have a treatment plan which is working, it's an excellent idea to seek a second or even third opinion. The reality is that medication is an absolutely essential part of managing ODD and she will likely need to remain medicated for life. However, building effective treatment plans for ODD and related issues is notoriously difficult even for many qualified psychiatrists. This is because ODD often requires many classes of medications (antidepressants, mood stabilizers, stimulants, atypical anti-psychotics, anxiolytics) to target the various symptoms - anger, violence, rage, compulsive lying, poor impulse control, etc. I have been medicated since 4 years old and continue to require occasional adjustments to fine tune the cocktail.
Again @Deni D is spot on - therapy will not help until the right medications are implemented and it may not necessarily be the case that increasing dosages will give the desired response. I would suggest focusing on her medications right now and trying to find some level of stability through that. You mentioned that she has tried medication. Is she currently medicated? Do you know what she is on and what her dosages are? I think finding a psychiatrist who can help build a coherent treatment plan is really your best hope here.
She is still at a stage where proper intervention can totally transform her life. If she has been diagnosed by a psychiatrist but does not have a treatment plan which is working, it's an excellent idea to seek a second or even third opinion. The reality is that medication is an absolutely essential part of managing ODD and she will likely need to remain medicated for life. However, building effective treatment plans for ODD and related issues is notoriously difficult even for many qualified psychiatrists. This is because ODD often requires many classes of medications (antidepressants, mood stabilizers, stimulants, atypical anti-psychotics, anxiolytics) to target the various symptoms - anger, violence, rage, compulsive lying, poor impulse control, etc. I have been medicated since 4 years old and continue to require occasional adjustments to fine tune the cocktail.
Again @Deni D is spot on - therapy will not help until the right medications are implemented and it may not necessarily be the case that increasing dosages will give the desired response. I would suggest focusing on her medications right now and trying to find some level of stability through that. You mentioned that she has tried medication. Is she currently medicated? Do you know what she is on and what her dosages are? I think finding a psychiatrist who can help build a coherent treatment plan is really your best hope here.
I agree with the 2nd opinion, but it seems you've gone down that route. There is no one medication that is for ODD alone, but is she at least on something that sedates her such as Seroquel or Clonidine? Are there any concurrent diagnoses? It sounds incredibly frustrating and I find it difficult to understand why she wouldn't be admitted to a psychiatric hospital during a time she is at harm to others or even outright threatens to harm another and has the history to back that up. It seems she meets criteria. Did the psychiatric hospital offer partial hospitalization. My child who sounds less serious than yours in certain ways has been admitted to inpatient.
As for the comment that your 4yo might be taken from you, I disagree and this is not a helpful statement while you are going through this. Unless you or another adult are harming your 4yo and/or do nothing to treat the 10yo (which you state you are), so long as you aren't leaving the 4yo alone in the house with the 10yo as the babysitter, I doubt CPS would have a case. Though anything is possible, that is doubtful.
Aside from examing the medications more closely, getting a inpatient admit, parent coaching with an emphasis on behavior managent would be very helpful for all involved and you could try in home counseling if that is available. I really like The Total Transformation Program by Lehman and we are doing it ourselves to deal with- the ODD in our house and find it useful for the non ODD kid as well. If you are consistent with it, it can help you regain your power and not let a 10yo keep control of the family (trust me I know what this is like and truly a challenge). Even if you don't do the program, I think he has great advice on his web site that costs nothing and that is Empowering Parents. Also, I do believe you can do more with inisisting action be taken with the police, especially if she destroys property or significantly injures someone, but you should double check the laws in your state.
As for the comment that your 4yo might be taken from you, I disagree and this is not a helpful statement while you are going through this. Unless you or another adult are harming your 4yo and/or do nothing to treat the 10yo (which you state you are), so long as you aren't leaving the 4yo alone in the house with the 10yo as the babysitter, I doubt CPS would have a case. Though anything is possible, that is doubtful.
Aside from examing the medications more closely, getting a inpatient admit, parent coaching with an emphasis on behavior managent would be very helpful for all involved and you could try in home counseling if that is available. I really like The Total Transformation Program by Lehman and we are doing it ourselves to deal with- the ODD in our house and find it useful for the non ODD kid as well. If you are consistent with it, it can help you regain your power and not let a 10yo keep control of the family (trust me I know what this is like and truly a challenge). Even if you don't do the program, I think he has great advice on his web site that costs nothing and that is Empowering Parents. Also, I do believe you can do more with inisisting action be taken with the police, especially if she destroys property or significantly injures someone, but you should double check the laws in your state.
mindinggaps
Member
Really excellent advice from @paperblue! I'm also wondering what diagnosis are listed alongside the ODD and am curious why the hospital has not accepted the psychiatric emergency. Typically any time there is risk to the patient or others they will accept them in hospital.
Fully agree that as a bare minimum you'll need a medication which can sedate the anger/rage. There are a lot of options here - Seroquel, Clonidine, Risperdal, Abilify, Zyprexa, etc. There's unfortunately no way to know what's going to work best and you may need to experiment here. I'm personally a massive fan of Seroquel. It's an extremely calming and sedating medication and it doesn't take much to dramatically curb impulsive rage and anger.
Fully agree that as a bare minimum you'll need a medication which can sedate the anger/rage. There are a lot of options here - Seroquel, Clonidine, Risperdal, Abilify, Zyprexa, etc. There's unfortunately no way to know what's going to work best and you may need to experiment here. I'm personally a massive fan of Seroquel. It's an extremely calming and sedating medication and it doesn't take much to dramatically curb impulsive rage and anger.
