Advice---Help!!!

[everywoman]

Sorry I've been absent. With my new life, after leaving husband, I have had to make some changes---and one of those has been working extra---I am teaching several homebound students after school and working athletic events to just keep my head above water financially---once the divorce is final, hopefully I'll be able to slow down as I'm still paying out over $400 a month for his insurances and cell phone!

Anyway--what I'm seeking advice on is pretty complicated---but here goes.

Most of you know I'm in a small town. I teach at the local school. My supervisor was my teacher in school, and I have the utmost respect for her. I have been teaching beside her for 24 years---and she is not only my mentor, but is also my friend. She has been very good to me. She was supportive with husband's addiction issues and has been supportive since I chose to leave the marriage.

For years she has been telling me her husband---who is a long time family friend,--thinks I'm beautiful. It's always been a joke between the two of us.

Yesterday I left my last homebound student and had a message on my voicemail. It was the husband. And something in the message--although it was very vague---just gave me the creeps. I thought about ignoring it, but then I thought maybe he needed some ideas for Christmas for his wife or needed to talk to me about her health as she has been ill lately.

I called back and he asked if he could have a picture of me---and the way he said it, well, I know what kind of picture he was requesting. I told him no, implicitly no, and then the conversation was over.

Now, I have known this man since I was born--he is close to my father's age. His mother was my grandmother's best friend. And I have had only 4 or 5 conversations with him in my life---and those were when his wife was around. I have never flirted with him at all---not even innocently. I am not, nor have I ever been a loose woman---never gave him any reason to think I would do something like that.

I am at a loss of what to do. Do I tell her he called? I don't even know how he could have gotten my cell # unless he got it from her phone. I am at a loss here of what I should do.

 

[hearts and roses]

You know, many men seem to think two things about newly divorced women: One is that they are incredibly lonely and in need of some physical attention...and two is that they are loose.

I'm so sorry this man put you in such an awkward position. I have two thoughts on the matter:

1) Do you think the wife knows and is okay with it perhaps?
2) I think you could wait a bit and see if he makes any other advances. If not, then chalk it up to pure stupidity and ignorance on his part. If so, then tell him in no uncertain terms that if he contacts you again without his wife's knowledge or speaks to outside of his wife's presence, he will leave you no alternative other than to speak directly to his wife and share his request.

Only you know best how your friend would receive such information. Granted, you don't know him that well, so it would seem strange to me that your friend would share your cell with him casually. Creepy. I'm anxious to hear how this plays out.

 

[Fran]

He sounds creepy. I watch way too much of Criminal Minds to ever have any interaction with him again.

 

[AnnieO]

EW - your post made my skin just crawl. Beautiful is one thing. What it sounded like was a whole 'nother ball of wax entirely.

But - I would say this. If it never happens again, chalk it up to stupidity as H&R said. At the same time - I would not put yourself in any kind of situation where you are alone in a room with him. Ever.

Does it again? Tell your friend. Tell her honestly. That it's bugging you and maybe it's "harmless" but it doesn't feel like it.

Sigh. Why do so many people do this kind of stuff?!

 

[HaoZi]

Are you absolutely certain what kind of picture he meant, in no uncertain terms? Is it possible he was just looking for a flattering (but decent) picture of you to create a collage for his wife or to show to some single guys your age he knows to try to shove you back in the dating pool? Getting burnt by divorce can give you a good streak of paranoia (been there done that. twice). I would ignore it unless he asks again, and then be certain exactly what he's asking for and why, and if you are correct, tell him you also need a signed permission slip from his wife along with his written request.

 

[Mattsmom277]

Yuck. I too hate these types of situations. Awkward!!!!

I agree to let it go and avoid avoid avoid this guy. And if he does reach out to you again, I agree with telling him enough or you are going to have to speak to the wife. I bet anything he'll lay off after hearing that but I hope he already got the message loud and clear. ugh! So sorry you're in this spot!

 

[DammitJanet]

I agree with ignoring it now. Given the mans approximate age, it may be that he is ..okay, I will be delicate here and say slipping. One of the first signs of entering dementia or early alzheimers is actually a bit of hypersexuality. My grandmother was a HUGE flirt with anything in pants...lol. Embarrassed me to no end. She even came on to her minister!

You say this man is your fathers age which I guess would be late 60s or mid 70's? Bout right timing.

 

[nvts]

Not being a jerk here, but could this be a neurological issue? These kinds of "out of character" behaviors can often indicate that there could be a tumor or some form of dementia going on. I'd keep my ears open with the wife and see if she's occasionally mentioning "strange" things that he's doing and then consider speaking up and discuss whether or not she should investigate a heath-care issue with his doctor.

Just a thought! Otherwise, I'd be pretty ticked myself!

Beth

 

[Hound dog]

Your best bet? Ignore it for now. Although I admit it's a bit weird.........most definitely risky on his part as he has no clue if you'd go to his wife with this info. But still...........no harm no foul. I'd keep it mum for now. He asked you turned him down. Now if he keeps it up it will be time to have a sit down chat with the wife.......with evidence in hand, cuz you'll probably need it.

Nichole had her really good paying sitting job for this young couple with a baby boy. Due to working hours, she came into contact with the husband far more often than she ever did the wife. He was always nice to her. Then she up and gets this test on her cell "Will you do me" Being ridiculously naive even for 21 (in some areas she really is lol) Nichole thought surely he didn't mean it the way it sounded so she called him back and asked him wth? He laughed and said he sent it before he finished, he needed her to do him a favor...........

Yeah. So the guy has been working temp cos and going to school while the wife works full time. Nichole has gotten pretty chummy with him. (red flag for mom) And next thing I know I start hearing about this guys sex life. (red NEON flags) So I warn her to watch out for him, guys start talking that way and a gal is in trouble. Aw mom you've got the wrong idea.

So guy doesn't have work for a while and Nichole calls to tell him she's putting in for another sitting job. He literally asks her to have sex with him.

My daughter is totally dumbfounded. lol Of course she told him absolutely NOT. Then asked me if she should call his wife. I told her he asked, you said no, drop it. So she tells boyfriend.........who promptly calls the guy up and bawls him out, guy says he was only joking. phhht

Yeah.