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advice needed from forum, I posted several months back. My 33 yr old son is in a short term rehab,
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 627262" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>You said it yourself, Sheila. You've done it so many times before and it hasn't worked. I once heard that the definition of insanity is to keep repeating things that don't work.</p><p></p><p>He is not as scared as he looked. If he was, he'd be clean. He has had enough chances to do so. I worked in a homeless shelter as a volunteer and they offer many services to get the homeless back on track. We had social workers who came in, housing, Welfare, SNAP caseworkers...and most of the people who came to our shelter (which only operated during the sleeping hours) did not follow through on anything that we set up for them. We even got them job interviews that most of them blew off. Why?</p><p></p><p>Drugs. Getting services is hard when you do drugs. Shelters will not let you stay unless you are clean. You can't do drugs or get drunk in them. Nobody can help a person who is choosing drug addiction. I heard them talking in the lounge sometimes and heard many comments about not stayinig here or there because, dang it, they are going to get high if they want to and nobody can stop them...they'd rather live in a park. So be it. A shelter that helps people has a right to set rules.</p><p></p><p>Our shelter gave a very warm welcome with respectful treatment as well as a home cooked meal by the church ladies. Most of us don't eat that well every night, but they did. It was in a church basement. Every night of the week a different church had a sleeping and dinner shelter and the residents were given train vouchers to get from place to place by train. Everyone else had to pay for the train. Do you get what I mean? People DO want to help them, even strangers, but they have to do 90%of it themselves. Heck 100%.</p><p></p><p>Until our difficult children decide to join what is considered normal society, they will live by the seat of their pants and the drugs that they take or with the mental illness they refuse to treat. We can't stop them. I'm convinced some would rather NOT have a warm home...they just want to be able to do whatever they want to do and there is always a band of homeless people who help one another out. It is an underground, but close society.</p><p></p><p>Heck, all they want from us, in Drug Addict and Untreated Mental Illness World, is money. They do not care about living with us or about us at all...they are too far gone. Only they can make it back. We can't force it. And if we enable them by feeling sorry for them and doling out money we no longer have, we are making their self-destruction easy for them to do. After all, the money usually goes to drugs, not for anything useful or for what they claim it is for.</p><p></p><p>Sheila, your son is in his 30's and he alone has to decide to change. Taking care of him will not encourage him to change. And what will he do once you're gone? We can't live forever.</p><p></p><p>I think you are doing the right thing. It's time for him to have to stand on his own two feet.</p><p></p><p>Hugs for your hurting mommy heart.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 627262, member: 1550"] You said it yourself, Sheila. You've done it so many times before and it hasn't worked. I once heard that the definition of insanity is to keep repeating things that don't work. He is not as scared as he looked. If he was, he'd be clean. He has had enough chances to do so. I worked in a homeless shelter as a volunteer and they offer many services to get the homeless back on track. We had social workers who came in, housing, Welfare, SNAP caseworkers...and most of the people who came to our shelter (which only operated during the sleeping hours) did not follow through on anything that we set up for them. We even got them job interviews that most of them blew off. Why? Drugs. Getting services is hard when you do drugs. Shelters will not let you stay unless you are clean. You can't do drugs or get drunk in them. Nobody can help a person who is choosing drug addiction. I heard them talking in the lounge sometimes and heard many comments about not stayinig here or there because, dang it, they are going to get high if they want to and nobody can stop them...they'd rather live in a park. So be it. A shelter that helps people has a right to set rules. Our shelter gave a very warm welcome with respectful treatment as well as a home cooked meal by the church ladies. Most of us don't eat that well every night, but they did. It was in a church basement. Every night of the week a different church had a sleeping and dinner shelter and the residents were given train vouchers to get from place to place by train. Everyone else had to pay for the train. Do you get what I mean? People DO want to help them, even strangers, but they have to do 90%of it themselves. Heck 100%. Until our difficult children decide to join what is considered normal society, they will live by the seat of their pants and the drugs that they take or with the mental illness they refuse to treat. We can't stop them. I'm convinced some would rather NOT have a warm home...they just want to be able to do whatever they want to do and there is always a band of homeless people who help one another out. It is an underground, but close society. Heck, all they want from us, in Drug Addict and Untreated Mental Illness World, is money. They do not care about living with us or about us at all...they are too far gone. Only they can make it back. We can't force it. And if we enable them by feeling sorry for them and doling out money we no longer have, we are making their self-destruction easy for them to do. After all, the money usually goes to drugs, not for anything useful or for what they claim it is for. Sheila, your son is in his 30's and he alone has to decide to change. Taking care of him will not encourage him to change. And what will he do once you're gone? We can't live forever. I think you are doing the right thing. It's time for him to have to stand on his own two feet. Hugs for your hurting mommy heart. [/QUOTE]
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advice needed from forum, I posted several months back. My 33 yr old son is in a short term rehab,
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