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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 723331" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Yes. The child was adopted at two. As young as that sounds, it is not too young to have suffered so much trauma in his early years that he has reactive attachment disorder as well as other issues. Attachment didordered people NEED to be in control always because they feel so inwardly out of control and they are sneaky and devious about the control and capable of harming others.</p><p></p><p>We adopted a kid at 11 with attachment disorder and he eventually killed two dogs, urinated abd pooped everywhere (he was 11 to 13 and we thought it was the dog), and, worse, sexually molested my two young adopted kids, the normal ones that we adopted as babies (the age of adoption matters a lot as does whether or not birthmother took care of herself during pregnancy).</p><p></p><p>K 's strange, eerie behavior (15 year olds are not curious about baby parts...*shudder*) makes me wonder if he was abused sexually. His other odd behaviors make me wonder if his birthmother drank or did drugs during pregnancy. All of this can and often does cause a lack of understanding of cause and effect in the child, can cause damaged empathy, and can, and sounds like it did, cause damage to him that causes antisocial personality traits. So does abandonment and neglect in the first three years of life.This situation is not unique to adoption, but very few people who have not adopted know about it, including many mental health professionals. It is hard to diagnose and treat.</p><p></p><p>There are three dangerous childish traits of impending sociopaths. These are them.</p><p>1. Pooping and peeing on self or all over in inappropriate places. This boy K isnt sleepwalking. Urinating inappropriately can also mean, although not always, that the child was sexually abused, even if he doesnt remember it.</p><p></p><p>2. Cruelty to animals...serial killers are famous for this. This is extremely serious and, hell, no, it is not "being a boy." Its sick.</p><p></p><p>3. Fascination with fire/playing with fire/getting close to fire/anything fire related. One family i know had an eight year old foster child eho got angry and burned down their house. While the family was hysterical as they watched their house burn from afar, the boy smiled and asked casually if they could get McDonalds. My friend had to be held back from lunging at him. They spent two months in a hotel while house was rebuilt. This boy, of course, left. Later they were told he was still very sick at 16.</p><p></p><p>I was told by an adoption worker from our boy's state that almost all kids in our foster care system have experienced sexual abuse, even if it traumatized them so much that they do not remember. Our boy did not remember, but obviously he was...that is the #1 reason children sexually abuse younger or vulnerable kids. You dont know if K is capable of this, but he is showing a strange interest in seeing them naked. And he is cruel to animals. Those are is l bad signs for his development and character. I wouldnt trust him near my kids. I am sorry every day that my husband and I felt we could love an 11 year old foster kid so much that our love would heal his past, although we didnt really know about his past and he always acted like a nice but quiet kid around adults. We had lived him. It didnt help him, I guess. We are sorry we adopted an older child. We realize now that he was too damaged to live normally in a family. But we did not know at the time. We never would have subjected our littles to that. We were told a psychiatrist aid he was normal but a bit slow. We talked to his foster family before us. They had loved him. Later he admitted he had abused babies that the foster parents babysat for in their home. They had not known either.</p><p></p><p>Your husband's parents are in serious denial about K. This child is a train wreck. He was one before your in laws met him. by the way kids from orphanages or the streets of other countries also develop attachment disorders and drug affects...so no matter where K came from, his behavior indicates serious problems that you are smart to not bring into your house.</p><p></p><p>If you are disinherited, so be it. That beats possible damage to you, your kids,your pets by K. You cant know what he is capable of doing. Like we didnt know. That boy I spoke of is long gone. He could not stay. Because of FB i know he is married with FOUR young kids. Lord watch over them. This boy is now 27 and at 13 he was seriously abusing a tiny boy and girl. I hope he stopped. I pray he stopped. I cant bear to think if he hasnt stopped...he was forced to sign up as a sexual predator for a long time, but is no longer signed up...who knows? We are afraid of him and will not get involved.</p><p></p><p>I am thankful my two he abused got enough therapy to be doing well as adults. God is good.</p><p></p><p>Do not be us. Our strong marriage pulled us together and kept us going for the kids, but that was the end of our trying to help kids who were abandoned. I know that sounds mean. But we never adopted or fostered again. And we learned unfortunately about the horrible things early neglect can do to young children. And mothers who drink or do drugs during pregnancy.</p><p></p><p>This is child abuse in utero.</p><p></p><p>Your mom gut is telling you that K is not okay. Trust your gut. Always.</p><p></p><p>I hope your in laws have a plan for K when they are gone that does not include you. I would be afraid to care for him. He will probably always need more than you or anyone else can give him and it doesnt help that it seems he is getting worse and has never been in treatment.</p><p></p><p>Regardless, stay away. I am sorry for all of you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 723331, member: 1550"] Yes. The child was adopted at two. As young as that sounds, it is not too young to have suffered so much trauma in his early years that he has reactive attachment disorder as well as other issues. Attachment didordered people NEED to be in control always because they feel so inwardly out of control and they are sneaky and devious about the control and capable of harming others. We adopted a kid at 11 with attachment disorder and he eventually killed two dogs, urinated abd pooped everywhere (he was 11 to 13 and we thought it was the dog), and, worse, sexually molested my two young adopted kids, the normal ones that we adopted as babies (the age of adoption matters a lot as does whether or not birthmother took care of herself during pregnancy). K 's strange, eerie behavior (15 year olds are not curious about baby parts...*shudder*) makes me wonder if he was abused sexually. His other odd behaviors make me wonder if his birthmother drank or did drugs during pregnancy. All of this can and often does cause a lack of understanding of cause and effect in the child, can cause damaged empathy, and can, and sounds like it did, cause damage to him that causes antisocial personality traits. So does abandonment and neglect in the first three years of life.This situation is not unique to adoption, but very few people who have not adopted know about it, including many mental health professionals. It is hard to diagnose and treat. There are three dangerous childish traits of impending sociopaths. These are them. 1. Pooping and peeing on self or all over in inappropriate places. This boy K isnt sleepwalking. Urinating inappropriately can also mean, although not always, that the child was sexually abused, even if he doesnt remember it. 2. Cruelty to animals...serial killers are famous for this. This is extremely serious and, hell, no, it is not "being a boy." Its sick. 3. Fascination with fire/playing with fire/getting close to fire/anything fire related. One family i know had an eight year old foster child eho got angry and burned down their house. While the family was hysterical as they watched their house burn from afar, the boy smiled and asked casually if they could get McDonalds. My friend had to be held back from lunging at him. They spent two months in a hotel while house was rebuilt. This boy, of course, left. Later they were told he was still very sick at 16. I was told by an adoption worker from our boy's state that almost all kids in our foster care system have experienced sexual abuse, even if it traumatized them so much that they do not remember. Our boy did not remember, but obviously he was...that is the #1 reason children sexually abuse younger or vulnerable kids. You dont know if K is capable of this, but he is showing a strange interest in seeing them naked. And he is cruel to animals. Those are is l bad signs for his development and character. I wouldnt trust him near my kids. I am sorry every day that my husband and I felt we could love an 11 year old foster kid so much that our love would heal his past, although we didnt really know about his past and he always acted like a nice but quiet kid around adults. We had lived him. It didnt help him, I guess. We are sorry we adopted an older child. We realize now that he was too damaged to live normally in a family. But we did not know at the time. We never would have subjected our littles to that. We were told a psychiatrist aid he was normal but a bit slow. We talked to his foster family before us. They had loved him. Later he admitted he had abused babies that the foster parents babysat for in their home. They had not known either. Your husband's parents are in serious denial about K. This child is a train wreck. He was one before your in laws met him. by the way kids from orphanages or the streets of other countries also develop attachment disorders and drug affects...so no matter where K came from, his behavior indicates serious problems that you are smart to not bring into your house. If you are disinherited, so be it. That beats possible damage to you, your kids,your pets by K. You cant know what he is capable of doing. Like we didnt know. That boy I spoke of is long gone. He could not stay. Because of FB i know he is married with FOUR young kids. Lord watch over them. This boy is now 27 and at 13 he was seriously abusing a tiny boy and girl. I hope he stopped. I pray he stopped. I cant bear to think if he hasnt stopped...he was forced to sign up as a sexual predator for a long time, but is no longer signed up...who knows? We are afraid of him and will not get involved. I am thankful my two he abused got enough therapy to be doing well as adults. God is good. Do not be us. Our strong marriage pulled us together and kept us going for the kids, but that was the end of our trying to help kids who were abandoned. I know that sounds mean. But we never adopted or fostered again. And we learned unfortunately about the horrible things early neglect can do to young children. And mothers who drink or do drugs during pregnancy. This is child abuse in utero. Your mom gut is telling you that K is not okay. Trust your gut. Always. I hope your in laws have a plan for K when they are gone that does not include you. I would be afraid to care for him. He will probably always need more than you or anyone else can give him and it doesnt help that it seems he is getting worse and has never been in treatment. Regardless, stay away. I am sorry for all of you. [/QUOTE]
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