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After 9 years of this I'm not sure I'm going to survive
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 387712" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Hi and Welcome! </p><p> </p><p>I am so sorry you need us, but very glad you have joined us!!</p><p> </p><p>Given the history of your ex's problems, I think you need to take your daughter into a neurologist to have a complete evaluation including a sleep deprived EEG. Many problems run in families and if her father had seizures she is much more likely to have a seizure disorder. MANY docs mistake seizure disorders for ADHD and other things. MANY medications lower the seizure threshold, making it more likely that seizures will happen. My daughter was given a diagnosis of inattentive adhd and several medications including concerta and strattera were suggested. We were given samples of strattera but I refused to give her ANY medications for adhd until we had the EEG done. Years ago all doctors required EEGs before they would give an adhd diagnosis, but that has changed and every doctor under the sun thinks they can diagnosis adhd. in my opinion it is wildly over diagnosis'd - many if not most of us on this site started out with an adhd diagnosis and found that it was incorrect or a symptom of something else later. I was very glad that I pushed for the EEG for my daughter because it showed that she has Absence Epilepsy and was NOT inattentive or adhd - her mind was turning off and missing about half of everything that was going on. When we finally found a medication that worked for her seh was SHOCKED because the days seemed far longer than she had ever known!! There are no real outward symptoms of her type of epilepsy. No thrashing about or typically thought of symptoms. They are almost unnoticeable unless you are really paying attention.</p><p> </p><p>I think a neuropsychologist evaluation would also help your daughter. You should also do some research on sensory processing disorder aka sensory integration disorder. It happens when the brain does not handle sensoryinput in the normal way. MANY children with other problems also have substantial sensory problems. They will seek or avoid various types of sensations. Textures, movements, scents, colors, patterns, etc are either sought out or avoided. You will need an Occupational Therapist to evaluate her. Here in the US we suggest finding a private Occupational Therapist (OT). Our schools have them on staff but they only look for how Occupational Therapist (OT) problems impact education, not the child's entire life. I am not sure how it works in Canada. You can learn more about sensory issues by reading "The Out of Sync Child" by Kranowitz. One of the positive things about sensory processing disorder (SPD)/Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) is that one of the best therapies for it involves NO medication and no invasive treatment. It is called brushing therapy and uses a special brush moved over the body in a specific way, followed by gentle joint compressions. It MUST be taught to you by an Occupational Therapist (OT) because if done wrong it can create HUGE problems. When used correctly, brushing has been proven to actually change the pathways that the brain uses to process sensory input. It literally "rewires" the brain with-o any invasive treatment! </p><p> </p><p>While sensory issues can make a HUGE impact, they are likely not the only issue. You do need a complete evaluation by a neuropsychologist, as others have recommended, in addition to the neurologist adn Occupational Therapist (OT) evaluations. It sounds like a lot, and it is, but it will give you a much better idea of how to best help your daughter. </p><p> </p><p>As far as handling day to day issues? I strongly suggest reading a few books. The Explosive Child is excellent, as others have suggested. What Your Explosive Child is Trying to Tell You, by Dr. Doug Riley, is also excellent. It will help you figure out what her meltdowns and tantrums are about. I also LOVE Parenting with Love and Logic, by Fay and Cline. It is the best book on parenting I have ever read, and one of the most empowering and useful books also. It advocates natural and logical consequences while strengthening the loving bond between parent and child. The authors used L&L to raise their own children. Now their children are working with them and using the methods to raise their own children. You can learn about L&L at <a href="http://www.loveandlogic.com" target="_blank">www.loveandlogic.com</a>. They also have a lot of stuff for teachers - take a look at that also. I found some great ideas there. They have quite a few books now, so browse their online shop to see which would fit your situation the best. </p><p> </p><p>I took a seminar by Dr. Charles Fay a few years ago. It was truly incredible! The funniest moment was when a younger teacher (in his late 20's) all of a sudden said "THAT"S WHY SHE DID THAT!!" He was NOT a plant - he taught with my step mother in law his first year of teaching. dr. Fay was saying to not nag your child about a chore. If the child won't do it, hire someone to do it. Let the child know they will be expected to find the $$ to pay the worker. When the worker leaves if the child won't pay the parent does. Then the parent takes the child's possessions to the pawn shop. NOt making a big deal or giving ANY warning about that step. PArent then gives child the pawn ticket and lets them know if they want the item back they have 90 days to earn the $$ to buy it back. If the child takes something of the parents and pawns or sells it, or tries, the parent calls the cops. It is illegal for the child to take something of the parents. The parent has every legal right to take an item of the childs because the parent has guardianship of the child and the child's possessions. It was as this was being explained that the man said what he did. </p><p> </p><p>He really thought he just thought it. He had NO idea how loudly he said it. His mother was there and laughed and laughed and laughed. They both said that the day she called the cops, having not nagged, ranted, shouted or even discussed what her plan was, was a major turning point in his life. It was when he started to turn things around from the really bad path he was on as a teen. While I love the story I thought the guy was a plant in the audience. It was later that my mother in law was telling me this story that I learned that she knew the mother and had taught with the son. </p><p> </p><p>I hope some of this helps. Welcome again, it is nice to get to know you!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 387712, member: 1233"] Hi and Welcome! I am so sorry you need us, but very glad you have joined us!! Given the history of your ex's problems, I think you need to take your daughter into a neurologist to have a complete evaluation including a sleep deprived EEG. Many problems run in families and if her father had seizures she is much more likely to have a seizure disorder. MANY docs mistake seizure disorders for ADHD and other things. MANY medications lower the seizure threshold, making it more likely that seizures will happen. My daughter was given a diagnosis of inattentive adhd and several medications including concerta and strattera were suggested. We were given samples of strattera but I refused to give her ANY medications for adhd until we had the EEG done. Years ago all doctors required EEGs before they would give an adhd diagnosis, but that has changed and every doctor under the sun thinks they can diagnosis adhd. in my opinion it is wildly over diagnosis'd - many if not most of us on this site started out with an adhd diagnosis and found that it was incorrect or a symptom of something else later. I was very glad that I pushed for the EEG for my daughter because it showed that she has Absence Epilepsy and was NOT inattentive or adhd - her mind was turning off and missing about half of everything that was going on. When we finally found a medication that worked for her seh was SHOCKED because the days seemed far longer than she had ever known!! There are no real outward symptoms of her type of epilepsy. No thrashing about or typically thought of symptoms. They are almost unnoticeable unless you are really paying attention. I think a neuropsychologist evaluation would also help your daughter. You should also do some research on sensory processing disorder aka sensory integration disorder. It happens when the brain does not handle sensoryinput in the normal way. MANY children with other problems also have substantial sensory problems. They will seek or avoid various types of sensations. Textures, movements, scents, colors, patterns, etc are either sought out or avoided. You will need an Occupational Therapist to evaluate her. Here in the US we suggest finding a private Occupational Therapist (OT). Our schools have them on staff but they only look for how Occupational Therapist (OT) problems impact education, not the child's entire life. I am not sure how it works in Canada. You can learn more about sensory issues by reading "The Out of Sync Child" by Kranowitz. One of the positive things about sensory processing disorder (SPD)/Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) is that one of the best therapies for it involves NO medication and no invasive treatment. It is called brushing therapy and uses a special brush moved over the body in a specific way, followed by gentle joint compressions. It MUST be taught to you by an Occupational Therapist (OT) because if done wrong it can create HUGE problems. When used correctly, brushing has been proven to actually change the pathways that the brain uses to process sensory input. It literally "rewires" the brain with-o any invasive treatment! While sensory issues can make a HUGE impact, they are likely not the only issue. You do need a complete evaluation by a neuropsychologist, as others have recommended, in addition to the neurologist adn Occupational Therapist (OT) evaluations. It sounds like a lot, and it is, but it will give you a much better idea of how to best help your daughter. As far as handling day to day issues? I strongly suggest reading a few books. The Explosive Child is excellent, as others have suggested. What Your Explosive Child is Trying to Tell You, by Dr. Doug Riley, is also excellent. It will help you figure out what her meltdowns and tantrums are about. I also LOVE Parenting with Love and Logic, by Fay and Cline. It is the best book on parenting I have ever read, and one of the most empowering and useful books also. It advocates natural and logical consequences while strengthening the loving bond between parent and child. The authors used L&L to raise their own children. Now their children are working with them and using the methods to raise their own children. You can learn about L&L at [URL="http://www.loveandlogic.com"]www.loveandlogic.com[/URL]. They also have a lot of stuff for teachers - take a look at that also. I found some great ideas there. They have quite a few books now, so browse their online shop to see which would fit your situation the best. I took a seminar by Dr. Charles Fay a few years ago. It was truly incredible! The funniest moment was when a younger teacher (in his late 20's) all of a sudden said "THAT"S WHY SHE DID THAT!!" He was NOT a plant - he taught with my step mother in law his first year of teaching. dr. Fay was saying to not nag your child about a chore. If the child won't do it, hire someone to do it. Let the child know they will be expected to find the $$ to pay the worker. When the worker leaves if the child won't pay the parent does. Then the parent takes the child's possessions to the pawn shop. NOt making a big deal or giving ANY warning about that step. PArent then gives child the pawn ticket and lets them know if they want the item back they have 90 days to earn the $$ to buy it back. If the child takes something of the parents and pawns or sells it, or tries, the parent calls the cops. It is illegal for the child to take something of the parents. The parent has every legal right to take an item of the childs because the parent has guardianship of the child and the child's possessions. It was as this was being explained that the man said what he did. He really thought he just thought it. He had NO idea how loudly he said it. His mother was there and laughed and laughed and laughed. They both said that the day she called the cops, having not nagged, ranted, shouted or even discussed what her plan was, was a major turning point in his life. It was when he started to turn things around from the really bad path he was on as a teen. While I love the story I thought the guy was a plant in the audience. It was later that my mother in law was telling me this story that I learned that she knew the mother and had taught with the son. I hope some of this helps. Welcome again, it is nice to get to know you! [/QUOTE]
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