Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
After they've left home...
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 138209" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p>Hey {{{Witz}}}. I think being 'flat' is a form of self preservation in a way. As you know, I've been 'flat' with difficult child at times, but what is even surprising to me is that I've been 'flat' with easy child as well. With easy child when she went to college and I missed her soo sooo sooo much and I was flat with her when we were discussing her move into the apt with her boyfriend. It is a way of detaching to avoid the painful emotions and it's perfectly acceptable.</p><p> </p><p>Your L sounds so much like my difficult child...she will always bring along a friend (she even calls them her 'buffers'!!). I've only lost my cool once when she once again brought home a friend for a dinner during the week (nothing elaborate and basically enough to feed only 2 since she hardly ever shows for dinner and never lets me know if she's coming home or not). I simply said, "Oh Bean, you should have told me you were bringing John home with you....I don't really have enough food for you two. Maybe you could throw together something for yourselves after we're done." They ended up leaving and went to Chilis. H almost interrupted me to say they could stay, but I put up my hand behind my back and he piped down quick. </p><p> </p><p>I think you should embarrass her if that's what it takes to get her to stop manipulating you. She has no problem doing it to you and H. And you doing it to her is not stooping to her level - it's setting down a boundary for yourself in a way that she may understand. It will pi$$ her off, but hey, who cares, right?</p><p> </p><p>Can you research things to do in the area where you'll be vacationing and gather all the info together and go over them with H? Perhaps planning a few things ahead of time will help him to see that it won't be "go go go" the whole time and he will still get his downtime and reading time in and you will also get to do some fun things as well. Compromise? My H always wants to plan things when we're on vacation and I like to chill on the beach. If we're not at a beach, which is rare, then I want to do things as well, but if we're on a beach, give me a book and a thermos of drink and I'm happy for the day. H tries to squeeze in something each day and gets bored if we're doing something. Also, it we're with his family, ugh, we're dragged to all these 'educational' places and events and I just want to blow my brains out after a day of looking at rockets. I mean, how many times can you go to the space station before it gets old already?? Hahaha - anyway, there have been maybe 1.3 times when I was able to convince H that we do our own thing for a day - he gets to run around and I get to chill. The challenge we no longer face is that without our girls going on vaca with us, we have to agree on what to do...whereas when they were with us we could break up as a group and do our own thing more. </p><p> </p><p>H handled M perfectly I think - good for him. As to the not helping you out, well, how about you don't make dinner a few nights in a row and see what happens? Or whatever it is that you do for him on a consistent basis - stop doing and when he asks what's up, tell him you're so tired from doing EVERYTHING else.....&#9829;</p><p> </p><p>Hugs Witz. You're vacation will be fun because YOU will make it fun.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 138209, member: 2211"] Hey {{{Witz}}}. I think being 'flat' is a form of self preservation in a way. As you know, I've been 'flat' with difficult child at times, but what is even surprising to me is that I've been 'flat' with easy child as well. With easy child when she went to college and I missed her soo sooo sooo much and I was flat with her when we were discussing her move into the apt with her boyfriend. It is a way of detaching to avoid the painful emotions and it's perfectly acceptable. Your L sounds so much like my difficult child...she will always bring along a friend (she even calls them her 'buffers'!!). I've only lost my cool once when she once again brought home a friend for a dinner during the week (nothing elaborate and basically enough to feed only 2 since she hardly ever shows for dinner and never lets me know if she's coming home or not). I simply said, "Oh Bean, you should have told me you were bringing John home with you....I don't really have enough food for you two. Maybe you could throw together something for yourselves after we're done." They ended up leaving and went to Chilis. H almost interrupted me to say they could stay, but I put up my hand behind my back and he piped down quick. I think you should embarrass her if that's what it takes to get her to stop manipulating you. She has no problem doing it to you and H. And you doing it to her is not stooping to her level - it's setting down a boundary for yourself in a way that she may understand. It will pi$$ her off, but hey, who cares, right? Can you research things to do in the area where you'll be vacationing and gather all the info together and go over them with H? Perhaps planning a few things ahead of time will help him to see that it won't be "go go go" the whole time and he will still get his downtime and reading time in and you will also get to do some fun things as well. Compromise? My H always wants to plan things when we're on vacation and I like to chill on the beach. If we're not at a beach, which is rare, then I want to do things as well, but if we're on a beach, give me a book and a thermos of drink and I'm happy for the day. H tries to squeeze in something each day and gets bored if we're doing something. Also, it we're with his family, ugh, we're dragged to all these 'educational' places and events and I just want to blow my brains out after a day of looking at rockets. I mean, how many times can you go to the space station before it gets old already?? Hahaha - anyway, there have been maybe 1.3 times when I was able to convince H that we do our own thing for a day - he gets to run around and I get to chill. The challenge we no longer face is that without our girls going on vaca with us, we have to agree on what to do...whereas when they were with us we could break up as a group and do our own thing more. H handled M perfectly I think - good for him. As to the not helping you out, well, how about you don't make dinner a few nights in a row and see what happens? Or whatever it is that you do for him on a consistent basis - stop doing and when he asks what's up, tell him you're so tired from doing EVERYTHING else.....♥ Hugs Witz. You're vacation will be fun because YOU will make it fun. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
After they've left home...
Top