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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 262272" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Lying is a BAAAAAAAAAAD habit and our difficult child's seem so comfy there. </p><p> </p><p>What you described was Dude not so long ago. IT was so frustrating! Matter of fact this is the issue that DF STILL can't get over - and won't for a long time and that's okay because someone needs to make them be accountable. </p><p> </p><p>When this became our #1 issue we went to the therapist. Dude admitted that yes, he lies, he doesn't know why - it just comes out. For stupid stuff - like - Did you feed the dog? Yes - check bowl....NO you did not!!!! UGH. SO asks him - WHY would you lie about feeding the dog? </p><p>I dunno </p><p>There is a reason - you must give us a reason</p><p>I dunno </p><p>I dunno is not an acceptable reason - try again, WHY did you LIE about feeding the dog?</p><p>.......BECAUSE....when I have to feed the dog I have less time to play. </p><p>REALLY? Your dog - and you can't feed it? </p><p>NO - I don't want to feed it. </p><p>Okay - then the dog is going to the Humane Society</p><p>NOOOOOOOooooooo I'll feed it. (starts to cry) I love my dog. </p><p>Well if you love him - you'll feed him. If you lie about it one more time - the dog is gone. </p><p>SO</p><p>Oh really - not a big deal for the dog to go?</p><p>(sat sullen with arms crossed, and that furled eyebrow thing) </p><p>Fine - Dad - take Puckey to the Humane Society </p><p>Dude crying and crying yelling NO NO not my PUckey</p><p>(Dad relented and brought Puckey back in the house) </p><p> </p><p>HERE is the deal - WE dont' believe you - WE don't belive a single word that is coming out of your mouth. If you tell me you're going to the bathroom I'm goign to follow you down the hall and stand outside the door. If I aske you if you flushed - I'll be looking, DId you wash your hands? THe door will be open and I'll see you washing your hands. </p><p> </p><p>As far as your dog? If you tell us you fed him and we look and you did not - we're giving you ONE change to double check - then admit you didn't feed it, then feed it. ONE TIME - you lie - he's gone. </p><p> </p><p>And thus - PUckey lived with us no longer. The first time Dude told us he fed Puckey and we said "Are you sure?"" giving him an opportunity to check and he lied? DF loaded Puckey and DUde in the car, drove to the Humane society and DF made DUde walk Puckey in and tell them WHY he was giving his dog up for adoption - He had to tell bunches of people "Becuase I lied about feeding my dog." </p><p> </p><p>WE did this - for EVERYTHING....and I mean EVERYTHING. During the time that Dude was at his worst for lying? WE were stuck to him like glue. He would say "But I'm just going outside to play." and we were told to grab a chair, and follow him outside and say "THen I must watch you play because you lie so much I don't know if I can believe you." if he got done playing and said "I'm going to go inside now" we had to get up and follow him - if he questioned or got upset about us following him - we were to say again "WE don't belive you because you are a liar." and follow him in the house. WHen he stopped asking - we stopped calling him a liar, but we still followed him everywhere. </p><p> </p><p>It got to the point where telling us the truth was EASIER than lying. Lying takes work - your parents will follow your every single move and call you on it. If he was done at the end of the night and said "I'm going to bed." One of us got up and followed him to his bedroom, watched him get in bed and then turned out the lights. We even had it worked out that I would stand in the hall - and DF would shut the door to the den - so that DUde would think I was gone - when he came sneaking out of his room? THe first few times it shocked him to tears......there I was standing in the hall WAITING for lying boy to come out of his bed. That went on for about 2 weeks until he got in the habit of KNOWING I was standing in the hall - or was I? </p><p> </p><p>There were no penalties for lying - there was just me and DF following his every move.....and trust me after a couple months of THAT? Your kids wear down before you do. YOu don't get upset you don't engage them in a conversation or arguement - you just say "You never tell the truth, so I can't belive you, that causes problems so I'm going to stick to you like glue and make sure what you say is the truth because I don't want to live with a liar." </p><p> </p><p>I hope I NEVER have to do that again .......but when we went to therapy we'd all sit down and Dude was asked "So how do you think you're improving on telling the truth, that seemed to be a big issue with you and your parents." and Dude said "Ask THEM - they never leave me alone." This was the first sign that this was working - it was a week after we started it. It took that child 2 months before we allowed him to leave the room on his own without asking "What are you doing? WHere are you going? and not following him." and the first time he left the room without us? He did what he said he was going to do, came back in the room and said in a snotty tone "See I went to the bathroom just like I said." and we said "Yes, we believe you." - and he just smiled. </p><p> </p><p>It's hard - it's time consuming - and it doesn't seem like your plan is working - and of course in difficult child fashion they will try to make a game out of it or tell you they LOVE being watched on their every move - but they don't really. </p><p> </p><p>Past doing this? WE tried punishing DUde for lying - and all it got any of us was frustrated. He'd lie - he'd get XX taken from him. He was FINE with weighing the odds and knowing that if he lied he'd have to live without XX for XX days - but what he could NOT know was that when you lie - someone will be watching your EVERY MOVE.....even when you potty....and belive me no one liked giving up their time - for two whole months I thought we'd go batty. ANd did.......but trust is something that is given until it's broken. THen trust must be earned and if I have to stand there and make sure I can trust you to go potty? Eventually it will wear you out. But I figured either I was committed to this exercise OR I would be committed to the nut shack or difficult child would be committed to prison where they watch you like this anyway - </p><p> </p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/faint.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":faint:" title="faint :faint:" data-shortname=":faint:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 262272, member: 4964"] Lying is a BAAAAAAAAAAD habit and our difficult child's seem so comfy there. What you described was Dude not so long ago. IT was so frustrating! Matter of fact this is the issue that DF STILL can't get over - and won't for a long time and that's okay because someone needs to make them be accountable. When this became our #1 issue we went to the therapist. Dude admitted that yes, he lies, he doesn't know why - it just comes out. For stupid stuff - like - Did you feed the dog? Yes - check bowl....NO you did not!!!! UGH. SO asks him - WHY would you lie about feeding the dog? I dunno There is a reason - you must give us a reason I dunno I dunno is not an acceptable reason - try again, WHY did you LIE about feeding the dog? .......BECAUSE....when I have to feed the dog I have less time to play. REALLY? Your dog - and you can't feed it? NO - I don't want to feed it. Okay - then the dog is going to the Humane Society NOOOOOOOooooooo I'll feed it. (starts to cry) I love my dog. Well if you love him - you'll feed him. If you lie about it one more time - the dog is gone. SO Oh really - not a big deal for the dog to go? (sat sullen with arms crossed, and that furled eyebrow thing) Fine - Dad - take Puckey to the Humane Society Dude crying and crying yelling NO NO not my PUckey (Dad relented and brought Puckey back in the house) HERE is the deal - WE dont' believe you - WE don't belive a single word that is coming out of your mouth. If you tell me you're going to the bathroom I'm goign to follow you down the hall and stand outside the door. If I aske you if you flushed - I'll be looking, DId you wash your hands? THe door will be open and I'll see you washing your hands. As far as your dog? If you tell us you fed him and we look and you did not - we're giving you ONE change to double check - then admit you didn't feed it, then feed it. ONE TIME - you lie - he's gone. And thus - PUckey lived with us no longer. The first time Dude told us he fed Puckey and we said "Are you sure?"" giving him an opportunity to check and he lied? DF loaded Puckey and DUde in the car, drove to the Humane society and DF made DUde walk Puckey in and tell them WHY he was giving his dog up for adoption - He had to tell bunches of people "Becuase I lied about feeding my dog." WE did this - for EVERYTHING....and I mean EVERYTHING. During the time that Dude was at his worst for lying? WE were stuck to him like glue. He would say "But I'm just going outside to play." and we were told to grab a chair, and follow him outside and say "THen I must watch you play because you lie so much I don't know if I can believe you." if he got done playing and said "I'm going to go inside now" we had to get up and follow him - if he questioned or got upset about us following him - we were to say again "WE don't belive you because you are a liar." and follow him in the house. WHen he stopped asking - we stopped calling him a liar, but we still followed him everywhere. It got to the point where telling us the truth was EASIER than lying. Lying takes work - your parents will follow your every single move and call you on it. If he was done at the end of the night and said "I'm going to bed." One of us got up and followed him to his bedroom, watched him get in bed and then turned out the lights. We even had it worked out that I would stand in the hall - and DF would shut the door to the den - so that DUde would think I was gone - when he came sneaking out of his room? THe first few times it shocked him to tears......there I was standing in the hall WAITING for lying boy to come out of his bed. That went on for about 2 weeks until he got in the habit of KNOWING I was standing in the hall - or was I? There were no penalties for lying - there was just me and DF following his every move.....and trust me after a couple months of THAT? Your kids wear down before you do. YOu don't get upset you don't engage them in a conversation or arguement - you just say "You never tell the truth, so I can't belive you, that causes problems so I'm going to stick to you like glue and make sure what you say is the truth because I don't want to live with a liar." I hope I NEVER have to do that again .......but when we went to therapy we'd all sit down and Dude was asked "So how do you think you're improving on telling the truth, that seemed to be a big issue with you and your parents." and Dude said "Ask THEM - they never leave me alone." This was the first sign that this was working - it was a week after we started it. It took that child 2 months before we allowed him to leave the room on his own without asking "What are you doing? WHere are you going? and not following him." and the first time he left the room without us? He did what he said he was going to do, came back in the room and said in a snotty tone "See I went to the bathroom just like I said." and we said "Yes, we believe you." - and he just smiled. It's hard - it's time consuming - and it doesn't seem like your plan is working - and of course in difficult child fashion they will try to make a game out of it or tell you they LOVE being watched on their every move - but they don't really. Past doing this? WE tried punishing DUde for lying - and all it got any of us was frustrated. He'd lie - he'd get XX taken from him. He was FINE with weighing the odds and knowing that if he lied he'd have to live without XX for XX days - but what he could NOT know was that when you lie - someone will be watching your EVERY MOVE.....even when you potty....and belive me no one liked giving up their time - for two whole months I thought we'd go batty. ANd did.......but trust is something that is given until it's broken. THen trust must be earned and if I have to stand there and make sure I can trust you to go potty? Eventually it will wear you out. But I figured either I was committed to this exercise OR I would be committed to the nut shack or difficult child would be committed to prison where they watch you like this anyway - :knockedout: [/QUOTE]
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