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<blockquote data-quote="TerryJ2" data-source="post: 262327" data-attributes="member: 3419"><p>Daisy, I agree with-the others. She does not want to do these things. They're all avoidance tactics.</p><p> </p><p>We've been through this, and it does continue if you don't stay on top of it. Believe it or not, I learned to double check people's work from a mega-real estate developer. He said if someone tells you they've cut the grass, go look out the window to make sure they've actually cut it. It sounds like micromanaging, but it seems to be human nature that people will get away with-whatever they can.</p><p> </p><p>When my difficult child says he's made his bed, I say, in a fake happy voice, "Oh, good! Let's go see!" and then I go upstairs. Halfway up the stairs, he's tugging on my arm, "Wait, I just have to finish one thing!" LOL.</p><p> </p><p>The idea is not to yell. I can say this because I still yell ... on occasion. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p> </p><p>Also, do not pile on the chores for her. "Clean your room" may be too big of a deal for her. I'll bet that if your difficult child is like mine, her emotional age is way behind her chronological age. So pretend you're dealing with-a much smaller child, and break her chores into smaller chores. "Remove all your pillow cases and put them in the laundry room. Fold your comforter and put it on top of your bed. Put all your school books in your backpack." </p><p>Three things. That's it. Even if her room is still a mess, she will understand that she put a dent in it.</p><p>(Frankly, I have to do that to myself when I get overwhelmed with-my office!)</p><p> </p><p>Then, at dinner, brag about how she helped clean her room. It will kill you to half-lie, but it will boost her ego.</p><p> </p><p>Don't expect it to work overnight. Expect that you will have to continue this until she moves out. Then, if she makes huge strides, you'll be 10X happier!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TerryJ2, post: 262327, member: 3419"] Daisy, I agree with-the others. She does not want to do these things. They're all avoidance tactics. We've been through this, and it does continue if you don't stay on top of it. Believe it or not, I learned to double check people's work from a mega-real estate developer. He said if someone tells you they've cut the grass, go look out the window to make sure they've actually cut it. It sounds like micromanaging, but it seems to be human nature that people will get away with-whatever they can. When my difficult child says he's made his bed, I say, in a fake happy voice, "Oh, good! Let's go see!" and then I go upstairs. Halfway up the stairs, he's tugging on my arm, "Wait, I just have to finish one thing!" LOL. The idea is not to yell. I can say this because I still yell ... on occasion. :) :) :) Also, do not pile on the chores for her. "Clean your room" may be too big of a deal for her. I'll bet that if your difficult child is like mine, her emotional age is way behind her chronological age. So pretend you're dealing with-a much smaller child, and break her chores into smaller chores. "Remove all your pillow cases and put them in the laundry room. Fold your comforter and put it on top of your bed. Put all your school books in your backpack." Three things. That's it. Even if her room is still a mess, she will understand that she put a dent in it. (Frankly, I have to do that to myself when I get overwhelmed with-my office!) Then, at dinner, brag about how she helped clean her room. It will kill you to half-lie, but it will boost her ego. Don't expect it to work overnight. Expect that you will have to continue this until she moves out. Then, if she makes huge strides, you'll be 10X happier! [/QUOTE]
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