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Parent Emeritus
All I can do is shake my head
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 528050" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I have adopted a few kids in my day and am very very close to three of them. Adoption has affected them, but those three are doing well...two of them we don't see anyone, but they were older adoptees, six and eleven. The eleven year old was plain old dangerous and did not want or really understand adoption or family or even decent behavior. He had to leave. I am of the opinion that there is almost no way a child that age can integrate into a family as if the family is really his/her own. There are too many memories and too many traumas...and by then they don't trust anybody at all.</p><p></p><p>I do think that infant adoption can work nicely and know a lot of people who have had children adopted from birth who are doing quite well, including Sonic and Jumper. HOWEVER, this doesn't mean they never thought about adoption. They just dealt with it realistically. But...when people ask me about adoption now, I tell them to adopt as young a child as possible and to expect them to search one day. </p><p></p><p>A lot of adopted children have two unstable birthparents and DNA is very powerful.</p><p></p><p>I am very, very, very sorry you are going through this, but I am not surprised. The child we adopted at six doesn't even acknowledge us anymore. I think it's just too old to expect the attachment we get from our other kids. That doesn't stop the pain, and I have felt it so you have my deepest empathy. The eleven year old is a registered sexual predator (the child we adopted at 11).</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 528050, member: 1550"] I have adopted a few kids in my day and am very very close to three of them. Adoption has affected them, but those three are doing well...two of them we don't see anyone, but they were older adoptees, six and eleven. The eleven year old was plain old dangerous and did not want or really understand adoption or family or even decent behavior. He had to leave. I am of the opinion that there is almost no way a child that age can integrate into a family as if the family is really his/her own. There are too many memories and too many traumas...and by then they don't trust anybody at all. I do think that infant adoption can work nicely and know a lot of people who have had children adopted from birth who are doing quite well, including Sonic and Jumper. HOWEVER, this doesn't mean they never thought about adoption. They just dealt with it realistically. But...when people ask me about adoption now, I tell them to adopt as young a child as possible and to expect them to search one day. A lot of adopted children have two unstable birthparents and DNA is very powerful. I am very, very, very sorry you are going through this, but I am not surprised. The child we adopted at six doesn't even acknowledge us anymore. I think it's just too old to expect the attachment we get from our other kids. That doesn't stop the pain, and I have felt it so you have my deepest empathy. The eleven year old is a registered sexual predator (the child we adopted at 11). [/QUOTE]
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