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All I Can Say is Wow
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<blockquote data-quote="stressedmama" data-source="post: 641515" data-attributes="member: 18412"><p>No, we are not financially supporting her. She finally got a job and is paying her rent (her bio mom was paying from the time she went to the the half-way house until she got a job). We have her 3 year old son full time so staying up-to-date is somewhat necessary. I don't have much contact with her at all. husband does. I take what information he shares about their conversations and then throw out the warning signs to husband and bio-mom as the counselor suggested I do since I'm more removed and objective than they can be with difficult child.</p><p> </p><p>difficult child's bio mom gave up difficult child (and her brother) when she was a baby...after she got out of rehab. Not sure if difficult child knows the whole story or doesn't want to face it yet, but when we all had a family counseling session together, difficult child thanked her mom for giving her up and putting her in foster care - said it was the best thing that could have happened to her. She gave mom a free pass and then blamed her abandonment issues on husband. Ironically, husband had difficult child when bio mom got out of rehab but since he technically did not have custody (or any rights at that time as bio mom never told him she was pregnant and didn't put him on the birth certificate), she came to his house, took difficult child away from him and put difficult child in foster care. He fought for 3 years to get custody. Bio mom didn't want her and didn't want husband to have her so she didn't have to feel responsible or guilty about her decisions.</p><p> </p><p>The reason I feel compelled to know what's going on and give my input/opinions is because I've been really good at predicting stuff and right now I'm predicting difficult child is going to "give up" our grandson under the guise of what's best for him, although it's really about her not wanting the responsibility. I'm mentally preparing myself for the long-run and having our grandson and all that entails till he's 18 (and beyond)...and dealing with his abandonment issues that are sure to surface.</p><p> </p><p>I spend a lot of time reminding bio mom and husband that she is an adult, making her own decisions - good and bad - and she has to deal with the consequences of those decisions. But ultimately, we all have to deal in some way with her poor decision making as it affects us tremendously when it comes to our precious grandson. If it doesn't include or affect our GS, I really don't care what she does.</p><p> </p><p>I'll have to take some time read about Mindfulness. I've stopped dwelling on the past. I have a knack for predicting the future but I guess I need to set that aside and take whatever comes as it comes...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="stressedmama, post: 641515, member: 18412"] No, we are not financially supporting her. She finally got a job and is paying her rent (her bio mom was paying from the time she went to the the half-way house until she got a job). We have her 3 year old son full time so staying up-to-date is somewhat necessary. I don't have much contact with her at all. husband does. I take what information he shares about their conversations and then throw out the warning signs to husband and bio-mom as the counselor suggested I do since I'm more removed and objective than they can be with difficult child. difficult child's bio mom gave up difficult child (and her brother) when she was a baby...after she got out of rehab. Not sure if difficult child knows the whole story or doesn't want to face it yet, but when we all had a family counseling session together, difficult child thanked her mom for giving her up and putting her in foster care - said it was the best thing that could have happened to her. She gave mom a free pass and then blamed her abandonment issues on husband. Ironically, husband had difficult child when bio mom got out of rehab but since he technically did not have custody (or any rights at that time as bio mom never told him she was pregnant and didn't put him on the birth certificate), she came to his house, took difficult child away from him and put difficult child in foster care. He fought for 3 years to get custody. Bio mom didn't want her and didn't want husband to have her so she didn't have to feel responsible or guilty about her decisions. The reason I feel compelled to know what's going on and give my input/opinions is because I've been really good at predicting stuff and right now I'm predicting difficult child is going to "give up" our grandson under the guise of what's best for him, although it's really about her not wanting the responsibility. I'm mentally preparing myself for the long-run and having our grandson and all that entails till he's 18 (and beyond)...and dealing with his abandonment issues that are sure to surface. I spend a lot of time reminding bio mom and husband that she is an adult, making her own decisions - good and bad - and she has to deal with the consequences of those decisions. But ultimately, we all have to deal in some way with her poor decision making as it affects us tremendously when it comes to our precious grandson. If it doesn't include or affect our GS, I really don't care what she does. I'll have to take some time read about Mindfulness. I've stopped dwelling on the past. I have a knack for predicting the future but I guess I need to set that aside and take whatever comes as it comes... [/QUOTE]
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