Almost a good post

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by meowbunny, Aug 17, 2008.

  1. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    It was an interesting week. First, I get a call to tell me I can pick up the money that was taken. A little late but the fact that she actually paid it back is a small miracle. Of course, no apology for taking it and definitely some attitude but you can't ask for the moon when you have a small piece of the earth, right?

    Then I ask her to stay at the house and watch the cats while I go dogsit for two days. She's happy to do it and did a good job. That was Monday and Tuesday night. She goes to work on Wednesday, says she has Thursday off and wants to hang out with me, maybe help me some with my work. Of course, the help didn't happen but we had a nice evening together when I got done with my busness. I ask when she wants to go home, was told after work on Friday. I raise an eyebrow but say nothing. Friday rolls around, she goes to work, comes home, says she has Saturday off and offers to again help me. This time around she actually does help a little and then we go out to dinner and to see Wall-E. We get home and I finally tell her she needs to go home on Sunday. I take her to work on Sunday, give her a kiss and think what a nice week we had together.

    I go run a couple of errands and get home. In the middle of my living room table are several cans of cat food. In the kitchen, a brand new box of canned cat food is open with cans taken out. So, I guess it's okay if the cats here don't get the wet food as long as the cats at her place do?

    I'm so very disappointed that she would even think of taking the cat food without asking. I am wondering why she didn't take it. It is certainly obvious she was planning to.

    I still have no idea why she didn't want to go to her apartment. Obviously, something is up there but I have no idea what. The best I got was that she was lonely there. Guess maybe roomie goes out all the time with friends and leaves her at home. (Why do I get the feeling she's blown another friendship? sigh)

    She did break up with her boy friend and that's my fault because I taught her to expect a certain way of being treated (he'd say he was coming over or going to call and then get wrapped up in work and forget). Well, if this is my fault, I'll happily take the blame. At least I know she expects to be treated well by the men in her life and that was a huge fear of mine.

    She's still into the church (cult?) and religion. You should see her bristle when I make any kind of negatve comment. She's now decided I'm not a Christian because I have some doubts and how dare I have them! It's almost comical. She really had a hissy fit when I said that basically any organized religion is a cult (and I'm not saying every cult is bad because they're not). The question is the degree -- is the church you're attending expecting blind faith in the leader of the church or blind faith in God? If in God, great, go for it. If in the leader run the other direction. Of course, she didn't listen and just got upset. I just had to bite my cheek to not laugh. I do love the arrogance of youth and I've always loved to debate religion.

    So, a lot of good and then the almost theft of the cat food. I guess I should go through the house and take inventory. I just don't want to know. sigh
  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    Sounds like an overall good visit. How about skipping the inventory and leaving it at that? I would, just to savor the visit itself.

    As for the church/ religion thing.......Well, any new convert is usually overly zealous. Good thing is that it usually also wears off given some time and mellows out. Unless you're my mother, but that's a whole other ball of wax. lol

    I do like that you managed to teach her the proper way to be treated by the opposite sex. Kuddos. Cuz that can be a hard thing to convince some of them of. I know. easy child did ok. But Nichole is just finally learning.

  3. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    Take the good, it seems that it was more than the bad. I agree with Lisa skip the inventory and keep the good flowing.

  4. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Can't skip the inventory. I buy on sale, with coupons. If I'm out of something, I need to know so I can restock when it is on sale.

    I did enjoy the good but the taking without asking just destroys me. What a tragic ending to a good week. I just wish I could understand the why of it. Where did I go so very wrong that she can't see that taking without asking, even from her mother, is stealing and you don't steal?
  5. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    mb, I'm confused about the cat food.......I understood she took cans out of full box and left them on the table in the living room. So did she actually take any or do you think she was just getting ready to take some? In my dealings with difficult child any time you let them in your home unattended you can expect that they will "borrow" something.......they tend to have the "what's yours is mine" attitude......
    From your description of what happened with the cats(your asking her to take care of them at your home) the cat food could be "payment" in her mind.......
    If you don't want to do inventory, don't let her in your home without supervision.......yeah, shouldn't have to be that way, but this is life with difficult child.....personally, I wouldn't sweat it, but ask her why she left the cat food out?
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    It is strange, but I know many people who don't consider taking things from their parents' home(s) as stealing. If it were taken from THEM it is grand theft, but not the other way around. I know you ahve already made it clear that you don't want her to do this, and can't afford for her to do it, but you need to say something.

    Or, if you REALLY want to make a statement, go visit her and set out some things you want. Just put them on the table when she is in the restroom or another room. Maybe ask for a bag when she gets out? Cause if she can "shop" at your house, surely you can "shop" at her house?? I don't know your difficult child, and this might jsut end up in a fight. With Wiz it is the graphic image of someone else doing to him what he did/does to them that gets through (we actually had a therapist who suggested this method).

    Overall, it seems like a good post. Certainly there are a lot of good things, esp that she PAID BACK THE MONEY.

    I do have an unpleasant thought though - any chance she will be thrown out soon? It was just a wonder, because she didn't seem to want to go home. Does she think, maybe, that since she paid you back she could move in with you if she gets thrown out?

    anyway, glad she paid you back and that you got to spend some time together and it sounds like it was enjoyable time.
  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    This is how I finally broke Travis. Personal boundaries is a concept that he just does not get. Period. He helped himself to anything in the house. To him he was borrowing, not stealing because he intended to give it back. There were so many times his sisters nearly killed him over this. I had to do something.

    So, I started going into his room and talking one or two of his most precious items and hiding them away. When he'd ask about them or comment on someone stealing from him I'd just say Well, it's certainly not fun when it's your stuff is it? I kept doing it until he stopped "borrowing" from other members in the house. Travis never thought to ask to just use the stuff he wanted. It never occured to him. What burned me up is that for most of what he'd sneak off with, they'd have let him use if he'd just simply asked.
  8. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    I tried the "borrowing" from her. Had zero impact. I've had the police talk to her. Same result. I'm just tired of it and it is so dang disappointing. I keep hoping to see she's changed and look for those signs and then she'll do something like this. It's as if she has to prove she's not a good kid. Sadly, she really is, just no boundaries.

    She did take some cans. Think she ran out of room. I always love how she leaves evidence when she does something wrong. Think she wants to get caught or what?

    I don't think she wants to move back in, especially since I haven't found a place to stay.
  9. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    I hear ya about the stealing. That just makes me see red. Rob doesn't do it anymore because I never leave him alone in my house anymore.

    I'm glad there is other good news to report. :)