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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 671396" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>The grief is so difficult my dear, it feels as if there is no finality to it, </p><p>because our D-cs are still physically present on this earth, just drifting, drifting.</p><p>They have gone far off the path that we envisioned for them.</p><p>So we are grieving over many things, really.</p><p>Loss, not only for them, but for us.</p><p>Over and over in our minds, we are witnessing their desperation.</p><p>And ours.</p><p>This is why it is so difficult to detach.</p><p>We feel that we can somehow <em>fix</em> this.</p><p></p><p>Truth is, they have to want to fix this themselves.</p><p>It is not enough for us to keep on trying and trying,</p><p>because they have not begun to see their own</p><p>endless possibilities beyond addiction.</p><p>Just as we, thrown into a state of despair,</p><p>do not see it ourselves.</p><p>So we continue to try to help.</p><p>All along this process, it is not up to us</p><p>it is up to them.</p><p>We will not be around forever.</p><p>They have got to find a way to stand on their own two feet.</p><p>If we look at this thusly,</p><p>then we begin to see that if we enable <em>until we die</em></p><p>what is to become of them? What will they do</p><p>when we are no longer here to help?</p><p>If we want them to be able to cope</p><p>to survive and thrive</p><p>we must take steps now</p><p>to give them their wings.</p><p>And their wings work.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Weakened and down,</p><p>is still manipulative.</p><p>There is help out there.</p><p>You are not the only beacon.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Retirement in their thirties, yes my oldest is this. We all have to make our way, to eek out a living. They need to learn this, to accept it, to live it.</p><p>The struggle is the end result of choices.</p><p>It is a lesson. Lessons can be hard, each of us taking away from the learning of it, to repeat the lesson, or to try something different, even better perhaps.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Oh Carolita, don't be so hard on yourself. This is a difficult journey. We are directed by our hearts to try to help in some way. It takes some time to figure it all out.</p><p> You have done exceptionally well. This is all new for you, and them. Change is not easy. Yes, the drama of contact, gut wrenching indeed. They are very, very good at making us lament their path with them.</p><p></p><p> I am glad you are starting yoga, that is one of my goals.</p><p>A network of supportive friends is awesome.</p><p>I am an artist as well, dabble in all sorts of stuff. I went back to my clay class after a long hiatus.</p><p>I have discovered that imagining and creating is an important part of self expression for me.</p><p></p><p>I know the feeling of giving up living our life. </p><p>I didn't realize it, swallowed up I was, with desperation for my D-cs. </p><p>I was absolutely drowning in the exhaustion of it.</p><p></p><p> This is wonderful Carolita, you have a life to live, to live to the fullest. We, too are organizing, trying to put the pieces back together. It is a catharsis to make things neat and orderly, especially after living a life of disarray in the shadow of our d-cs addiction.</p><p></p><p></p><p>No dear, not negated. It took much strength and courage for you to make the huge changes you have made.</p><p>Your son will go through his ups and downs due to this change</p><p>and so will you.</p><p>Change does not come easy</p><p>sometimes one giant step forward</p><p>two little steps back.</p><p>As time wears on,</p><p>you will be stronger even.</p><p></p><p>You are not alone, we have all been where you are. You are doing so very well, dear.</p><p>Keep up the faith.</p><p></p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 671396, member: 19522"] The grief is so difficult my dear, it feels as if there is no finality to it, because our D-cs are still physically present on this earth, just drifting, drifting. They have gone far off the path that we envisioned for them. So we are grieving over many things, really. Loss, not only for them, but for us. Over and over in our minds, we are witnessing their desperation. And ours. This is why it is so difficult to detach. We feel that we can somehow [I]fix[/I] this. Truth is, they have to want to fix this themselves. It is not enough for us to keep on trying and trying, because they have not begun to see their own endless possibilities beyond addiction. Just as we, thrown into a state of despair, do not see it ourselves. So we continue to try to help. All along this process, it is not up to us it is up to them. We will not be around forever. They have got to find a way to stand on their own two feet. If we look at this thusly, then we begin to see that if we enable [I]until we die[/I] what is to become of them? What will they do when we are no longer here to help? If we want them to be able to cope to survive and thrive we must take steps now to give them their wings. And their wings work. Weakened and down, is still manipulative. There is help out there. You are not the only beacon. Retirement in their thirties, yes my oldest is this. We all have to make our way, to eek out a living. They need to learn this, to accept it, to live it. The struggle is the end result of choices. It is a lesson. Lessons can be hard, each of us taking away from the learning of it, to repeat the lesson, or to try something different, even better perhaps. Oh Carolita, don't be so hard on yourself. This is a difficult journey. We are directed by our hearts to try to help in some way. It takes some time to figure it all out. You have done exceptionally well. This is all new for you, and them. Change is not easy. Yes, the drama of contact, gut wrenching indeed. They are very, very good at making us lament their path with them. I am glad you are starting yoga, that is one of my goals. A network of supportive friends is awesome. I am an artist as well, dabble in all sorts of stuff. I went back to my clay class after a long hiatus. I have discovered that imagining and creating is an important part of self expression for me. I know the feeling of giving up living our life. I didn't realize it, swallowed up I was, with desperation for my D-cs. I was absolutely drowning in the exhaustion of it. This is wonderful Carolita, you have a life to live, to live to the fullest. We, too are organizing, trying to put the pieces back together. It is a catharsis to make things neat and orderly, especially after living a life of disarray in the shadow of our d-cs addiction. No dear, not negated. It took much strength and courage for you to make the huge changes you have made. Your son will go through his ups and downs due to this change and so will you. Change does not come easy sometimes one giant step forward two little steps back. As time wears on, you will be stronger even. You are not alone, we have all been where you are. You are doing so very well, dear. Keep up the faith. (((HUGS))) leafy [/QUOTE]
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