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<blockquote data-quote="dashcat" data-source="post: 524902" data-attributes="member: 9175"><p>Your life is your own. No matter what. </p><p></p><p>Your son is taking advantage of you in a big way. Right now, he's in control and it's time for you to set some boundaries.</p><p></p><p>Since he's 19, I assume he's a high school graduate. He should either be working full time, be in school full time and doing a part time version of both. Set a deadline and tell him he will either have a job by said date or be enrolled in (and paying for) school by that date. If he does not get a job and is not in school, he will have to make other living arrangements. Talk to your husband in advance and ask him to back you up on this. </p><p></p><p>Once your son is working, he should be paying rent. </p><p></p><p>When my difficult child walked away from college and moved in with me (I am a single mom), I would wake her five days a week at 9:00 and put her to work around he house. I made sure there was always a project... spreading mulch (8 yards of mulch equals HARD work), painting, mowing the grass, etc. I gave her "time off" when she would leave to look for work but, otherwise, I expected her to work since she wasn't paying rent. </p><p></p><p>Let your son know that there is a time when the music and tv have to be turned off. If he was in an apartment, he would have to do this ...why should he not have to do it at home?</p><p></p><p>Once you begin to establish boundaries, you'll feel a lot better about your life. </p><p></p><p>Dasj</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="dashcat, post: 524902, member: 9175"] Your life is your own. No matter what. Your son is taking advantage of you in a big way. Right now, he's in control and it's time for you to set some boundaries. Since he's 19, I assume he's a high school graduate. He should either be working full time, be in school full time and doing a part time version of both. Set a deadline and tell him he will either have a job by said date or be enrolled in (and paying for) school by that date. If he does not get a job and is not in school, he will have to make other living arrangements. Talk to your husband in advance and ask him to back you up on this. Once your son is working, he should be paying rent. When my difficult child walked away from college and moved in with me (I am a single mom), I would wake her five days a week at 9:00 and put her to work around he house. I made sure there was always a project... spreading mulch (8 yards of mulch equals HARD work), painting, mowing the grass, etc. I gave her "time off" when she would leave to look for work but, otherwise, I expected her to work since she wasn't paying rent. Let your son know that there is a time when the music and tv have to be turned off. If he was in an apartment, he would have to do this ...why should he not have to do it at home? Once you begin to establish boundaries, you'll feel a lot better about your life. Dasj [/QUOTE]
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