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am I being too unreasonable/controlling?
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 296736" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>He does sound very Aspie-ish, especially the extent of this obsession. That's why I was suggesting you move his TV into your main living area, so at least he's socialising somewhat with you; you could watch a documentary together, for example, and then talk about what you watch.</p><p></p><p>When my kids were little and reading a lot of books, I made a point of reading the same books so we could talk about them. This meant I read all the way through Babysitters Club and other similar books (my brain felt like mush sometimes) but it was interesting seeing what my kids had picked up on, and what they had missed. The social situations described in the books gave us things we could talk about. "What do you think the girls should have done? Where did she go wrong in how she handled the situation? What do you think would have happend if she had handled things differently?"</p><p>You don't have to agree, simply having the opportunity to talk was valuable.</p><p></p><p>When difficult child 1 was doing his HSC English, it was the first year of the current HSC system. I was surprised at how much the curriculum relied on TV, movies etc. In our day you studied a Shakespeare play or two, a classic novel (such as "Silas Marner"), a more modern play (such as "School for Scandal" by Sheridan) and various poets. But these days they study a topc area and to a large exgent tey canchoose the stuff from their world that connects to that topic area. For difficult child 1, it was "The Institution" and also "Physical journey". The set film was "The Truman Show" and beleive it or nit, we watched Big Brother! Reality TV was part of the curriculum! But it was handled in a way that demystified it, that took out a lot of the sensationalism and media hype, stripping it away until the kids were shown the manipulation that lay behind it all. The question of "what is reality, really?" was then considered, in light of "Truman Show" too. Also as part of "Institution" he studied "Shawshank Redemption". For "Physicla journey" it was the film "Rabbit-Proof Fence" by Philip Noyce.</p><p>Everything else was what he had to find for himself. He had to find another film, a poem, a book, a TV show - all dealing with various aspects of these areas. he had to be able to discuss them, to explain how tey related and how they differed. In order to do this he had to really understand each book/film/poem/TV show.</p><p></p><p>Superficially I was not impressed to begin with. But I saw that it made him REALLY think instead of the "let's just walk trough it all by numbers" as we did back in our day.</p><p></p><p>So I watched te TV shows and movies with him. I read the poems with him. I read other books and if I found something he could use, I would share it with him. If he found something he thought could work, he would ask me to read it so we could discuss it.</p><p></p><p>We talked about so much stuff that otherwise he never would have experienced. It was great. And it set up a pattern of continued sharing of material with discussion.</p><p></p><p>Then when easy child 2/difficult child 2 was doing her HSC English, we both helped her. difficult child 1 hada strong sense of confidence in hisown abilities with it by then.</p><p></p><p>Now difficult child 3 is watching the educational TV shows on the ABC (10 am to 11 am weekdays during school term). Some of it is "for the juniors" but a lot of it is for senior primary or high school, right up to final year high school. Tuesday mornings there is a fifteen minute program on poetry ("Arrows of Desire - Poets on Poetry"). easy child 2/difficult child 2 and difficult child 1 were watching it with us one morning when the program was discussing a poem by Wilfred Owen, "Dulci et Decorum Est". I remember when they had to do it for school, they absolutely hated his poetry. But watching this TV show they both said, "If only our teracher had talked to us about this poem the way the poets on this program do, we'd have understood it and enjoyed it." They watched the program and then for the next hour or so, we talked about the poem and about the wider topic of war poetry in general.</p><p></p><p>So maybe this could be a point of balance for you, of some sort of compromise. You watch something together, perhaps while you are in the room doing other things like cooking, then you both go outside to do chores together (I find I get more out of difficult child 3 if we work side by side) and while you work, you discuss what you watched and compare notes on how you thought about it.</p><p></p><p>I know it would be a big change in your current lifestyle, but maybe try it for a week? See if it helps? </p><p></p><p>Whenever I am watching TV, I am still doing something. I might be darning, mending, or doing a puzzle, or cooking - you don't have to be idle. It gives my body a chance to rest and also gives me something to think about but also to share and discuss with family.</p><p></p><p>When I was little my mother used to have me shelling peas or slicing beans while we watched TV together sometimes. TV was very new back then, what was on it wasn't very interesting. Now it's so much better, if you look for the good stuff and avoid the dross.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 296736, member: 1991"] He does sound very Aspie-ish, especially the extent of this obsession. That's why I was suggesting you move his TV into your main living area, so at least he's socialising somewhat with you; you could watch a documentary together, for example, and then talk about what you watch. When my kids were little and reading a lot of books, I made a point of reading the same books so we could talk about them. This meant I read all the way through Babysitters Club and other similar books (my brain felt like mush sometimes) but it was interesting seeing what my kids had picked up on, and what they had missed. The social situations described in the books gave us things we could talk about. "What do you think the girls should have done? Where did she go wrong in how she handled the situation? What do you think would have happend if she had handled things differently?" You don't have to agree, simply having the opportunity to talk was valuable. When difficult child 1 was doing his HSC English, it was the first year of the current HSC system. I was surprised at how much the curriculum relied on TV, movies etc. In our day you studied a Shakespeare play or two, a classic novel (such as "Silas Marner"), a more modern play (such as "School for Scandal" by Sheridan) and various poets. But these days they study a topc area and to a large exgent tey canchoose the stuff from their world that connects to that topic area. For difficult child 1, it was "The Institution" and also "Physical journey". The set film was "The Truman Show" and beleive it or nit, we watched Big Brother! Reality TV was part of the curriculum! But it was handled in a way that demystified it, that took out a lot of the sensationalism and media hype, stripping it away until the kids were shown the manipulation that lay behind it all. The question of "what is reality, really?" was then considered, in light of "Truman Show" too. Also as part of "Institution" he studied "Shawshank Redemption". For "Physicla journey" it was the film "Rabbit-Proof Fence" by Philip Noyce. Everything else was what he had to find for himself. He had to find another film, a poem, a book, a TV show - all dealing with various aspects of these areas. he had to be able to discuss them, to explain how tey related and how they differed. In order to do this he had to really understand each book/film/poem/TV show. Superficially I was not impressed to begin with. But I saw that it made him REALLY think instead of the "let's just walk trough it all by numbers" as we did back in our day. So I watched te TV shows and movies with him. I read the poems with him. I read other books and if I found something he could use, I would share it with him. If he found something he thought could work, he would ask me to read it so we could discuss it. We talked about so much stuff that otherwise he never would have experienced. It was great. And it set up a pattern of continued sharing of material with discussion. Then when easy child 2/difficult child 2 was doing her HSC English, we both helped her. difficult child 1 hada strong sense of confidence in hisown abilities with it by then. Now difficult child 3 is watching the educational TV shows on the ABC (10 am to 11 am weekdays during school term). Some of it is "for the juniors" but a lot of it is for senior primary or high school, right up to final year high school. Tuesday mornings there is a fifteen minute program on poetry ("Arrows of Desire - Poets on Poetry"). easy child 2/difficult child 2 and difficult child 1 were watching it with us one morning when the program was discussing a poem by Wilfred Owen, "Dulci et Decorum Est". I remember when they had to do it for school, they absolutely hated his poetry. But watching this TV show they both said, "If only our teracher had talked to us about this poem the way the poets on this program do, we'd have understood it and enjoyed it." They watched the program and then for the next hour or so, we talked about the poem and about the wider topic of war poetry in general. So maybe this could be a point of balance for you, of some sort of compromise. You watch something together, perhaps while you are in the room doing other things like cooking, then you both go outside to do chores together (I find I get more out of difficult child 3 if we work side by side) and while you work, you discuss what you watched and compare notes on how you thought about it. I know it would be a big change in your current lifestyle, but maybe try it for a week? See if it helps? Whenever I am watching TV, I am still doing something. I might be darning, mending, or doing a puzzle, or cooking - you don't have to be idle. It gives my body a chance to rest and also gives me something to think about but also to share and discuss with family. When I was little my mother used to have me shelling peas or slicing beans while we watched TV together sometimes. TV was very new back then, what was on it wasn't very interesting. Now it's so much better, if you look for the good stuff and avoid the dross. Marg [/QUOTE]
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