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General Parenting
am I being too unreasonable/controlling?
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 296835" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>First of all, is he 19? I didn't see his age or other info in your sig. If possible, could you include that? </p><p></p><p>What is "his needle"? I am assuming it is a shot of medication meant to last a while. Knowing what the medication is and what it is supposed to help could help us give you advice.</p><p></p><p>Is there a department in your government or medical care systems that helps kids who are not in school and can not function well enough to get apprenticeships or jobs? If so, get them involved. Here we call it transitional living, at least in my town. </p><p></p><p>He may need some sort of group home for others with his challenges. </p><p></p><p>I would search out local AA meetings and start insisting he attend. I would also make not drinking a condition of living at home. It sounds like you feel he has a real problem with alcohol, so those would be my first steps.</p><p></p><p>Then I would quit babying him. His clothes don't get washed, or put in the hamper? He wears dirty clothes. He won't call for a job? He doesn't get a job. He also doesn't get any money so he cannot buy drinks or rent movies.</p><p></p><p>He wants to go to town? Unless you are taking him to a doctor, some kind of therapy, or AA then he can walk. Whether it is one mile, one half mile or twenty miles he can dress appropriately and he can carry a water bottle and whatever money he has earned. </p><p></p><p>Practice saying a few set phrases, things like "How do you plan to handle that?" </p><p></p><p>Embrace the concept of "Do to Get". If he wants something then he must do somehting to get it. Wants a ride into town? Does chores to earn gas money and money to do whatever he plans to do in town. If he has not done something to earn the ride, don't take him. Don't let him promise to do something later if you will do something now for him. You know he won't do it later. </p><p></p><p>You are going to have to stop sheltering him. It does no good for you or the rest of the family and it does serious harm to him. It teaches him to be less than capable of handling his life. It teaches him he does not have to earn his way in the world, that he can just rely on you to pay his way in the world.</p><p></p><p>What if the unthinkable happens and you suddenly are not there to care for him? Will he be able to cope? Will his behavior drive others from him? Your job is to teach him to be a reasonable productive member of society. Babying him won't get that done.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 296835, member: 1233"] First of all, is he 19? I didn't see his age or other info in your sig. If possible, could you include that? What is "his needle"? I am assuming it is a shot of medication meant to last a while. Knowing what the medication is and what it is supposed to help could help us give you advice. Is there a department in your government or medical care systems that helps kids who are not in school and can not function well enough to get apprenticeships or jobs? If so, get them involved. Here we call it transitional living, at least in my town. He may need some sort of group home for others with his challenges. I would search out local AA meetings and start insisting he attend. I would also make not drinking a condition of living at home. It sounds like you feel he has a real problem with alcohol, so those would be my first steps. Then I would quit babying him. His clothes don't get washed, or put in the hamper? He wears dirty clothes. He won't call for a job? He doesn't get a job. He also doesn't get any money so he cannot buy drinks or rent movies. He wants to go to town? Unless you are taking him to a doctor, some kind of therapy, or AA then he can walk. Whether it is one mile, one half mile or twenty miles he can dress appropriately and he can carry a water bottle and whatever money he has earned. Practice saying a few set phrases, things like "How do you plan to handle that?" Embrace the concept of "Do to Get". If he wants something then he must do somehting to get it. Wants a ride into town? Does chores to earn gas money and money to do whatever he plans to do in town. If he has not done something to earn the ride, don't take him. Don't let him promise to do something later if you will do something now for him. You know he won't do it later. You are going to have to stop sheltering him. It does no good for you or the rest of the family and it does serious harm to him. It teaches him to be less than capable of handling his life. It teaches him he does not have to earn his way in the world, that he can just rely on you to pay his way in the world. What if the unthinkable happens and you suddenly are not there to care for him? Will he be able to cope? Will his behavior drive others from him? Your job is to teach him to be a reasonable productive member of society. Babying him won't get that done. [/QUOTE]
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