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Am I doing the right thing?
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 737623" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>I can only share from my own personal experience. I spent years and tens of thousands of dollars trying to help my son, giving him second chance after second chance. In the end, I was doing the same thing over and over hoping for a different outcome. You know the saying, "the sign of insanity is repeating the same thing over and over expecting a different result". I made the choice that I was tired of the insanity. Had I found this site all those years ago, I could have saved time and money.</p><p>No, you did not fail as a mother. The fact that you are here on this site speaks to your character as mom, that you love your son and are deeply concerned about him. I'm sure there are parents out there that once they "liberate" their child from their home, they don't think twice about them.</p><p>I'm sure your son is capable of taking care of himself. While he may have struggled, he graduated and was able to hold a job.</p><p>As for maturity, well my son is 36 going on 14. My son just wants the "easy" life, the one where he doesn't have to be responsible for anything, the one where he can drink and smoke pot all day without a care in the world, the one where he doesn't have to work. Self centered and narcissistic, yup, he's all that too.</p><p>As much as I don't like the choices my son has made in how he lives his life, it's his choice and there is nothing I can do to change it. Once I accepted this I was then able to work on letting go and detaching with love.</p><p>This is a journey none of us want to be on but here we are. I will always love my son and will always hope that he will someday decide to make better choices for himself but I will not allow the choices he makes to affect how I live my life. It was not easy moving past all the anger and hurt but I did it. I have a wonderful life filled with lots of joy. That is my choice, to live a life with purpose and meaning.</p><p></p><p>Take good care of yourself. Self care is not about being selfish, it's about nourishing ourselves, mind, body and spirit.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 737623, member: 18516"] I can only share from my own personal experience. I spent years and tens of thousands of dollars trying to help my son, giving him second chance after second chance. In the end, I was doing the same thing over and over hoping for a different outcome. You know the saying, "the sign of insanity is repeating the same thing over and over expecting a different result". I made the choice that I was tired of the insanity. Had I found this site all those years ago, I could have saved time and money. No, you did not fail as a mother. The fact that you are here on this site speaks to your character as mom, that you love your son and are deeply concerned about him. I'm sure there are parents out there that once they "liberate" their child from their home, they don't think twice about them. I'm sure your son is capable of taking care of himself. While he may have struggled, he graduated and was able to hold a job. As for maturity, well my son is 36 going on 14. My son just wants the "easy" life, the one where he doesn't have to be responsible for anything, the one where he can drink and smoke pot all day without a care in the world, the one where he doesn't have to work. Self centered and narcissistic, yup, he's all that too. As much as I don't like the choices my son has made in how he lives his life, it's his choice and there is nothing I can do to change it. Once I accepted this I was then able to work on letting go and detaching with love. This is a journey none of us want to be on but here we are. I will always love my son and will always hope that he will someday decide to make better choices for himself but I will not allow the choices he makes to affect how I live my life. It was not easy moving past all the anger and hurt but I did it. I have a wonderful life filled with lots of joy. That is my choice, to live a life with purpose and meaning. Take good care of yourself. Self care is not about being selfish, it's about nourishing ourselves, mind, body and spirit. [/QUOTE]
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