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Substance Abuse
Am I enabling by feeding my son?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 629033" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>We usually find out once they are gone. Trust me, you are NOT the only one.</p><p></p><p>Your son's drug use is not his only problem. He has a disregard for the laws and will keep getting into trouble until he changes his attitude. Amongst our difficult children he is not alone. They tend to be their own worst enemies.</p><p></p><p>Your past is over. You didn't force him to use drugs, did you? Put a gun to his head and say, "You take drugs or I'll shoot ya?" If not, you didn't force him to take drugs nor did you have anything to do with it unless you did it yourself in his presence and grinned while saying, "You should do this when you grow up." This is 100% on him.</p><p></p><p>Many of us enabled our kids, which is why they stayed kids. Your son is not the only one. Don't feel alone here. We are here for a reason. Basically, we have all made the same mistakes because we love our kids and we didn't know any better. I was better equipped to handle Julie's drug problem because of my long experience with 36 and seeing how enabling just made him want more and more and did not change him one bit. He wasn't even grateful.</p><p></p><p>You are just starting out and it is gutwrenching at first. I hope this never happens, but if he is in jail for the same thing four times, you will naturally start pulling away and getting a bit angry at him and feeling a lot less guilt. It is a normal progression. Your son sounds like he has a nice personality, which is a big plus. He needs to learn that he can not break the law and get away with it in our world. Until he does, that is his biggest challenge unless he is taking addictive drugs. In that case, THAT is his biggest problem.</p><p></p><p>I have hope for your son, even though he's in a mess now. My daughter was so bad I thought she would end up in jail or dead. I think her eluding jail had more to do with her cuteness and her gender and her minor age while she used drugs than common sense. When she was on parole she continued to do drugs, but she never got caught. So she was "lucky" so to speak.</p><p></p><p>All the same, she shocked us all and quit. She told us the drug life is hard and she got tired of it and of the drugs and the people you have to contend with while using them. Your son may have this lightbulb moment in jail. You have to hope for the best and, until it happens, in my opinion it is really best not to enable them. Heck, I wanted it to be very hard for my daughter to take drugs and apparently she thought it was! She wasn't homeless. She talked her harda** brother into letting her live in his basement, but he could be a jerk and he had stricter rules for her than us...she got no favors from him and she finally detoxed in his basement with her boyfriend with her (her still SO).Her brother never even knew it was going on, so little did he care for her welfare. I think making an illegal lifestyle unpleasant is a better way to get them to see that light rather than keep giving them the comforts they would have if they were not doing illegal stuff. It doesn't always work, but it did work here.</p><p></p><p>These adult kids...you never know what they are going to do or why. Keep the Faith.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 629033, member: 1550"] We usually find out once they are gone. Trust me, you are NOT the only one. Your son's drug use is not his only problem. He has a disregard for the laws and will keep getting into trouble until he changes his attitude. Amongst our difficult children he is not alone. They tend to be their own worst enemies. Your past is over. You didn't force him to use drugs, did you? Put a gun to his head and say, "You take drugs or I'll shoot ya?" If not, you didn't force him to take drugs nor did you have anything to do with it unless you did it yourself in his presence and grinned while saying, "You should do this when you grow up." This is 100% on him. Many of us enabled our kids, which is why they stayed kids. Your son is not the only one. Don't feel alone here. We are here for a reason. Basically, we have all made the same mistakes because we love our kids and we didn't know any better. I was better equipped to handle Julie's drug problem because of my long experience with 36 and seeing how enabling just made him want more and more and did not change him one bit. He wasn't even grateful. You are just starting out and it is gutwrenching at first. I hope this never happens, but if he is in jail for the same thing four times, you will naturally start pulling away and getting a bit angry at him and feeling a lot less guilt. It is a normal progression. Your son sounds like he has a nice personality, which is a big plus. He needs to learn that he can not break the law and get away with it in our world. Until he does, that is his biggest challenge unless he is taking addictive drugs. In that case, THAT is his biggest problem. I have hope for your son, even though he's in a mess now. My daughter was so bad I thought she would end up in jail or dead. I think her eluding jail had more to do with her cuteness and her gender and her minor age while she used drugs than common sense. When she was on parole she continued to do drugs, but she never got caught. So she was "lucky" so to speak. All the same, she shocked us all and quit. She told us the drug life is hard and she got tired of it and of the drugs and the people you have to contend with while using them. Your son may have this lightbulb moment in jail. You have to hope for the best and, until it happens, in my opinion it is really best not to enable them. Heck, I wanted it to be very hard for my daughter to take drugs and apparently she thought it was! She wasn't homeless. She talked her harda** brother into letting her live in his basement, but he could be a jerk and he had stricter rules for her than us...she got no favors from him and she finally detoxed in his basement with her boyfriend with her (her still SO).Her brother never even knew it was going on, so little did he care for her welfare. I think making an illegal lifestyle unpleasant is a better way to get them to see that light rather than keep giving them the comforts they would have if they were not doing illegal stuff. It doesn't always work, but it did work here. These adult kids...you never know what they are going to do or why. Keep the Faith. [/QUOTE]
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Am I enabling by feeding my son?
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