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Substance Abuse
Am I expecting too much?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 727013" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I agree with Kathy. And I will also support any decision you make and I know you are moving but I feel that going to live with you in any location is risky.</p><p></p><p> He in my opinion needs to go to sober living and plan for his future. Living at home is easy and can be a trigger. in my opinion when he is well he won't want to live with you. He is past the age that one longs to be with parents. If he still wants to, I personally would take it to mean he is still not healed, which he can't be anyway after three months. He still likely craves those drugs. He will crave them forever and needs to learn to live life ignoring those cravings.</p><p></p><p>There are drug users everywhere in every state and every large city and tiny Town. I feel addicts need extra help after completing a rehab program and the more the better. Then they, with aid, move onto adulting and caring for themselves. I don't think that generally they go to rehab and then they go back home where life is easier and go on as if all is well.</p><p></p><p>I think our wish to have them near us may be more for us than for their good. Short term can turn into long term can turn into our giving them money (which is never good for an addict) which can turn into life before rehab in a second. One benzo and he is using again.</p><p></p><p>My daughter never came home but she paid for college, bought a car, worked, eventually bought a house....she adulted. She never relapsed. She was way too busy and her mind had grown up. She was immature...all addicts are....but she was ready to grow up anyway. And she did!</p><p></p><p>Like Kathy, this is my opinion. I too am puzzled that there is no sober living where they can test sobriety with their peers and be drug tested. And learn to function productively out there without us. The parent/child dynamic tends to kick in when they live with us.</p><p></p><p>Anyhow, this hit me hard. I said it. I'm done. Will support you no matter what.</p><p></p><p>Love and hugs!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 727013, member: 1550"] I agree with Kathy. And I will also support any decision you make and I know you are moving but I feel that going to live with you in any location is risky. He in my opinion needs to go to sober living and plan for his future. Living at home is easy and can be a trigger. in my opinion when he is well he won't want to live with you. He is past the age that one longs to be with parents. If he still wants to, I personally would take it to mean he is still not healed, which he can't be anyway after three months. He still likely craves those drugs. He will crave them forever and needs to learn to live life ignoring those cravings. There are drug users everywhere in every state and every large city and tiny Town. I feel addicts need extra help after completing a rehab program and the more the better. Then they, with aid, move onto adulting and caring for themselves. I don't think that generally they go to rehab and then they go back home where life is easier and go on as if all is well. I think our wish to have them near us may be more for us than for their good. Short term can turn into long term can turn into our giving them money (which is never good for an addict) which can turn into life before rehab in a second. One benzo and he is using again. My daughter never came home but she paid for college, bought a car, worked, eventually bought a house....she adulted. She never relapsed. She was way too busy and her mind had grown up. She was immature...all addicts are....but she was ready to grow up anyway. And she did! Like Kathy, this is my opinion. I too am puzzled that there is no sober living where they can test sobriety with their peers and be drug tested. And learn to function productively out there without us. The parent/child dynamic tends to kick in when they live with us. Anyhow, this hit me hard. I said it. I'm done. Will support you no matter what. Love and hugs! [/QUOTE]
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