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Am I horrible?
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<blockquote data-quote="scent of cedar" data-source="post: 609738" data-attributes="member: 1721"><p>No, you are not horrible. You are wonderful for taking this on in the first place. If I had needed to take my adult children in along with my grands, I literally would not have been able to take them. When the parent is on site, the child, rightfully so, is parented by the parent. This leaves you and Tony living your whole lives in the kind of chaos that happens when a grandchild visits for an afternoon. Everything is disrupted. Cory isn't parenting appropriately, and you and Tony aren't allowed to parent without feeling you are usurping Cory's role.</p><p></p><p>Do you think it would help if you had weekly (or daily) family meetings after the babies are in bed for the express purpose of communicating, adult to adult, about how to make the blending of your two families a better experience for everyone? What you are doing for your son and his child is a wonderful thing Janet, but it's a big adjustment to incorporate other people into our daily lives. Right now, everyone is still adjusting to this pretty much overwhelming change. If everyone can agree that you will all work to make this the best experience for everyone that it can be, maybe that can be a way to begin. </p><p></p><p>If everyone is willing, and if your family can figure out a way to get through this adjustment part together, the experience of living together again could become something really positive.</p><p></p><p>I'm holding a good thought for you that your family will be able to turn this around, Janet. It's so hard to remember how much we love them when they are right under our feet every minute of the day and night ~ but love them, we do.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p><p></p><p>I wanted to add that, when things were so bad for our marriage because of issues with the grown kids that communication between husband and myself was pretty much non-existent, my husband too took so much comfort from loving and seeming almost to try to shelter, the grandchild who was most aware of what was happening.</p><p></p><p>husband and that grandchild have a really special relationship to this day. And both of them acknowledge the special feeling they hold for the other, over all this time.</p><p></p><p>Maybe Tony is pouring the love he feels for you, and the sorrow he feels over all the loss and chaos, into this grandchild, too?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="scent of cedar, post: 609738, member: 1721"] No, you are not horrible. You are wonderful for taking this on in the first place. If I had needed to take my adult children in along with my grands, I literally would not have been able to take them. When the parent is on site, the child, rightfully so, is parented by the parent. This leaves you and Tony living your whole lives in the kind of chaos that happens when a grandchild visits for an afternoon. Everything is disrupted. Cory isn't parenting appropriately, and you and Tony aren't allowed to parent without feeling you are usurping Cory's role. Do you think it would help if you had weekly (or daily) family meetings after the babies are in bed for the express purpose of communicating, adult to adult, about how to make the blending of your two families a better experience for everyone? What you are doing for your son and his child is a wonderful thing Janet, but it's a big adjustment to incorporate other people into our daily lives. Right now, everyone is still adjusting to this pretty much overwhelming change. If everyone can agree that you will all work to make this the best experience for everyone that it can be, maybe that can be a way to begin. If everyone is willing, and if your family can figure out a way to get through this adjustment part together, the experience of living together again could become something really positive. I'm holding a good thought for you that your family will be able to turn this around, Janet. It's so hard to remember how much we love them when they are right under our feet every minute of the day and night ~ but love them, we do. Cedar I wanted to add that, when things were so bad for our marriage because of issues with the grown kids that communication between husband and myself was pretty much non-existent, my husband too took so much comfort from loving and seeming almost to try to shelter, the grandchild who was most aware of what was happening. husband and that grandchild have a really special relationship to this day. And both of them acknowledge the special feeling they hold for the other, over all this time. Maybe Tony is pouring the love he feels for you, and the sorrow he feels over all the loss and chaos, into this grandchild, too? [/QUOTE]
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