Am I horrible?

[DammitJanet]

I know I havent been posting much lately but life has me extremely stressed. I do come on and read though.

One of the things that is stressing me out very badly is the Mouse. I feel badly that I feel this way about her and Tony thinks I am an ogre for feeling the way I do. But Mouse drives me completely insane. Her father wont keep up with her when she is in the house and lets her run wild. She can touch anything she wants and we arent supposed to get mad because "she is just a baby." Well no, she is two. She is old enough to start teaching that everything isnt hers. She throws absolute fits when denied her own way.

I get mad because Cory wont keep her from getting into Keyana's stuff. I have to keep anything that I really want Monkey to keep put up high in my room and pray that Cory doesnt decide that he will give it to her anyway. After all, nothing should be just one childs. That is BS in my book. I didnt raise the boys that way. Monkey is pretty sick of her as well because she simply wont leave anyone alone.

Evidently the mouse got into Billy's room the other night while he was at work and she did something to his computer. Pulled out the wires on it or something and now it doesnt work. At first he thought she just messed up the monitor but every one we try wont work. Cory lets her roam in there with drink and who knows if she spilled it on the tower. Billy is furious and I dont blame him. He has told her and Cory not to go in his room. Heck, Monkey doesnt even go in there if he isnt home.

I got in trouble the other night...I guess it was Friday night...because Monkey wanted to sleep on my hospital bed so I got in the bed with Tony to sleep. Well Cory wouldnt keep Mouse in the living room or have her go to bed and she kept coming in my room and was trying to keep Monkey from going to sleep. I made her leave the room at least 4 times by taking her out to the living room with her father but he never made any attempt to keep her there. I finally got fed up and picked her up, screaming the whole time, and put her outside my bedroom door and closed it hard. Supposedly she got her finger caught in the door when I did that. I dont believe I slammed her finger in the door but its possible she tried to push the door back open and the door caught her finger because my door is broken.

I am so sick of hearing "MINE!", "You Mean!", and stuff like that. She screams and cries if she doesnt get her own way and I can only imagine what her babble means because she looks really mean at you and spouts this babble which I can only take as her attempting to tell me off. I refuse to cater to her and when she wont do what I tell her I banish her from my room.

Ugh first it was Buck and now its a toddler. They are about on the same level! I know why I had kids young because Im simply not up to taking care of little ones now. And yes, monkey can get on my nerves too but she knows when I mean it and wont push me.

 

[donna723]

Janet, your problem isn't the toddler, your problem is her daddy!

 

[trinityroyal]

No, you're not horrible!

You're perfectly within your rights to expect that your rules and standards will be adhered to in your home. Two-year-olds are uncivilized monsters, and it's the job of parents to civilize them (well, as much as it's possible to civilize a two-year-old...). Letting them run wild and get away with things because they're cute and little teaches such a bad lesson to the child in question, and to everyone else she has to deal with. It's hard on Monkey because her things are not safe and she knows that Mouse won't suffer any consequences. They're being set up to resent each other.

I think Cory is making a mistake that will come back to haunt him later. Maybe it's time for one of those Come-to-Jesus talks with him. Whatever his parenting style, he's currently living in your home, so he and his better adhere to your rules otherwise.

*Many hugs Janet. I'm so sorry that the high stress continues.

 

[BusynMember]

You're not even halfway horrible.

Cory is living in your house and should be the one taking care of his kid and shouldn't be telling you not to discipline her. I agree that the blame is on him, not you or the child. You have a pretty good relationship with Cory. Can't you talk to him in a quiet, non-threatening way and work it out?

 

[Hound dog]

Cory needs to be told mouse needs rules. Also, he is a guest in your home, which means mouse is to be following your rules, whether he agrees with them or not. If he doesn't like it, it's time to move out. If he can't move out, it's time to do what needs to be done to have a place to stay and stop making excuses.

I absolutely hate the phrase "he/she's just a baby". Rephrase that as "I don't want to get up off my rear to correct the behavior" which is what they're really saying. easy child does the same thing......and now Brandon is a spoiled rotten anti authority monster. The only thing saving Connor so far is his personality, but that is beginning to change. He's copying Brandon more and more. Not only have I dealt with "he's just a baby" crud but also "he's a middle child" bull crud too. Big deal, so he's the middle kid. I guarantee that he has received the bulk of attention, affection, and spoiling since the day he was born. So even that excuse doesn't wash.

I make them mind anyway. My house, my rules. Don't like it, leave. My adult kids, and sils, know not to cross me on this issue. If I have to step in and you cross me there is gonna be major trouble.

Cory is likely overcompensating for having not seen mouse in all that time while working and for the neglect of her mom......as well as her not having mommy right now. He needs to knock it off. You can't make up for the past, you can only make the present and future count. She needs a Daddy and extended family. , not someone to turn her into a child no one can stand to be around.

Hugs

 

[DDD]

Sorry, Janet. One more time you are in a position where you have to stand alone and fight for your rights. It's very sad. My guess is that Cory is avoiding unpleasantness by using substances to take off the edge. I hope I'm wrong but I'd bet a buck or two I'm right. As you know some children require consistent structured living with darn near no opportunity to improvise. One person can not be the enforcer...it has to be a team effort.

by the way, do they have Head Start in your area. She could learn alot there about following rules. Snack time is at the ame times each day. Nap time is always consistent. Potty time...usually on schedule too. Story time and outdoor playtime are also at x hour. If she can adapt (and be praised) for being such a "good big girl" during the day then it's more likely that she will learn at home there is dinner time, chores time, bath time, game time etc. before bed time. Personally, lol, it was darn hard for me to revisit those toddler years and the need to adapt my home for little kids again. Alas, it removed the spontaniety from my house but they did learn to be civilied family members. I wish you good luck getting Cory on board. I imagine Tony would like the set schedule. Maybe, if you're lucky, your big girl will enjoy setting the example. DDD

PS: Don't forget to make a schedule that stays on the frig or somewhere visible. Then when she goes amok you or some other family member can say "Oh, look Mouse...it's time for you to get a bath now."...or whatever!

 

[1905]

A 2 year old needs to be engaged, played with, cared for, enjoyed, entertained, celebrated, taught things,.......you know...she'a 2.This is how Corey should be spending his days. Now she is learning how to get attention, all negative sadly. I am sorry she is ignored all day and it's much easier to say Janet is mean then to actually show her the right way to have fun and learn and feel lovd and cherished. Where is her mom? You are the only one paying attention Janet. Corey has to be her father every minute. Not you being the bad guy. She could get killed getting into something. She feels bad, too. Why aren't her mom and dad caring for her, stop this Janet, this should have nothing to do with you.

 

[susiestar]

You are FAR from horrible. You are an incredibly loving grandmother who recognizes that her grandchild is beign turned into a spoiled monster by her father's laziness. I know Cory has some problems now, but he is LAZY in raising her.

My children HAD to learn limits and manners because otherwise I would have ended up abusing them. I know myself and know that if they had done this type of thing, at some point I would have totally lost it and beaten them black and blue. I knew this LONG before I even was told I could not have them, much less had them. So I figured out that I had to teach them basics to save all of us. It isn't easy to parent, but in the long run it is vastly better than to not parent.

Cory needs to have his tush kicked until he is doing what the child NEEDS.

NO way does a 2yo need to be in Billy's room at any time unless HE wants her there and is supervising her. Cory needs to replace the computer that the child ruined. Period. As a parent if your child is allowed to ruin something, you are responsible for replacing it.

She isn't too little to learn, and she IS learning that she can do what she wants because Daddy and Gpa iwll yell at you if she gets upset. This is BAD. He is creating a difficult child and in my opinion that is cruel and wrong. You can tell him I said so if you want. in my opinion it is incredibly cruel to teach a child she can have/do whatever she wants because then she ends up iwth no friends, no real relationships, parents who love her but cannot stand her, and a world that will kick her tushie and kick it hard. SHe won't understand why no one likes her and she has no friends or loved ones, or why she cannot keep a job.

This is NOT what I think will happen. It is what we have ALL seen happen over and over. Cory needs to get up and make it stop every time. You cannot just say no. You have to make no happen or not say it. Not doing this is passive child abuse because it is designing your child's entire life to be difficult and a failure. The lucky few learn these lessons on their own, most end up being very confused difficult children who just know they are entitled to everything they want, when and how they want it, but they don't understand why no one will give them all of that before they even ask for it.

I think it is time to have a heart to heart iwth Cory about the future of this child if he won't parent her. Setting limits is not mean, it is the most loving thing you can possibly do. It isn't easy, or fun, esp if you have spent a couple of years not parenting at all.But it will be SOOOOOOOOO much harder to start it a few years down the road when school is calling and the cops are bringing her home for causing trouble, etc.....

Loving, caring parents set limits and enforce them. they do NOT let kids run wild and and then end up in trouble because the parents are too lazy to set and enforce limits.

Get the boy a copy of Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood, make him READ it, and then make Gpa and Billy read it. Then DO it. This will likely save her future and give her years of an actual positive future.

You are a great mom, and gma, and you are NOT horrible for seeing that this is not working and is not okay.

 

[svengandhi]

No, you're not horrible but neither is Mouse. She IS a baby and she isn't being taught by her dad how to behave. It isn't always natural to a 2 year old. If she sees Monkey in your room, she wants to be there, too. I am NOT saying you do this but my mother in law favored oldest boy and would close her door to hang out with him and leave the other kids sitting outside wondering why grandma doesn't like them. YOU know you're spending time with Monkey because she's older but Mouse isn't capable of seeing it that way. To her, it's just another rejection and this poor baby has already had a life time full from her useless mother. Can you and Monkey set up a time where you'll play with Mouse - not wild games, but "big girl" games like school, where Monkey is the teacher and you and Mouse are students. You can show her how children sit. Maybe Monkey would like to practice reading to Mouse. My 2 oldest loved to read to the younger ones when they were Monkey's age and the little ones loved the attention.

As for the computer, I agree that Cory should pay to fix or replace it. Unless Cory is letting Mouse into Billy's room, there is one way to keep her out. Put a simple hook and eye lock on the door at adult height and she won't be able to just walk in there. That's what we did when we lived at my mother in law's to keep her room and sister in law's room off limits to the kids. Mouse may scream the first couple of times she can't get in there, but she will learn that you can't just walk in everywhere.

We lived with mother in law twice - once from when oldest boy was about 9 months until he was about 27 months; daughter was born during that time. The second time, oldest boy was almost 7, daughter was 5, difficult child was turning 3 and easy child was just turning 1. We were there for 6 months. I work full-time. The first time, I paid mother in law to watch oldest boy (she was 65 at the time), then when daughter was born, we sent oldest boy to day care and I paid her to watch daughter till she was 10 months and then she went to day care. The second time, all but easy child were out of the house at school or camp or day care and I hired a sitter to come to mother in law's house and watch him and the older kids when they came home. I know how hard it was too keep the kids disciplined and respectful. difficult child and the baby were into everything, just like Mouse probably is. mother in law literally ripped oldest boy's Thomas Trains out of difficult child's hands one day when he was playing with them. That got me mad because I had bought all of them for oldest boy and did think he should share but his grandma didn't. on the other hand, I, like you, did put away things that I didn't want damaged by the little boys because not everything is to be shared. I rambling but trying to share with you thoughts from all sides of the issue.

I think the suggestion about getting Mouse out of the house and into pre-school or nursery or day care is a great one. You need a break and Corey needs a parenting plan before his children grow to hate each other.

 

[Hound dog]

Good points in the replies, Janet.

Two year olds are not babies, they're toddlers who do require vast amounts of attention, interaction, affection, guidance, praise, and rules. She has reached the stage where the world around her is to be explored and learned about. It's up to the adults in her life to place safe limits on her exploration.

This little girl needs you as much or more than her sister. Both girls need to be shown how to be and play together in a loving manner. I believe in sharing, but I also believe every child has special toys they love that should not necessarily be required to share unless it is the child's idea. Toys that are inappropriate for her age group should be properly put away when not in use, both for her safety and to prevent it from being broken.

Daycare is likely a good idea, maybe one or two days per wk to give her a chance to socialize and learn to follow rules while giving you a break.

I'd also be careful to make certain to spend some quality time with her too. I know this can be difficult given her current behavior, but it is critical for you both in order to form a loving relationship. Like it or not, right now you are her maternal figure. You might also see less of the ugly behavior if she is able to get some positive attention without resorting to such extremes.

I'm still building my relationship with Brandon. Love him to pieces, and he has some mighty fine and adorable qualities, but we had to get past the monster test Nana at every possible turn to focus on the relationship part. He doesn't test me much these days. Connor not at all. Let's me be the Nana I want to be. Took a long time to get to that point with Brandon though. That boy is stubborn as a mule. But his Nana can out stubborn anyone. lol

 

[DammitJanet]

You folks are very wise.

I think everyone under the sun knows I favor Monkey more than any of the others. I think its because I always wanted a little girl and she became my first little girl. My two middle grands are just hard to like though I do love them. It is a bit easier to deal with though because they arent in my face constantly. I only see them a couple of times a year. I would probably have this same problem if they lived here and I had to deal with them all the time...especially my second oldest granddaughter. She was horrible as a toddler. I had never experienced being cussed out by a 2 year old before!

DDD you are completely correct in your assumptions. I do have fear for this little one. I dont think she would qualify for the early head start or at least her parents wont even listen when I say we should try because it would get her out.
I do probably overcompensate with Monkey because of her life history too. Having her torn away from us at that particular age and then basically not even seeing her for almost two years killed me. She actually thought we didnt want her and it took us a long time when she came back to get her to understand we didnt send her away. Even now she feels like she has been replaced, especially with her Papa. He hurts her feelings sometimes and I tend to be the softie.

I hate the way everyone seems to baby the mouse though. Her mother went all out on her 2nd Birthday recently and they had a birthday party they couldnt afford. I know part of it was they wanted all their friends to come and give mouse presents. Of course her mother bought her one of those motorized cars that cost of $120 that looks like a Minnie Mouse VW. I was like...what? Walmart had a little one that cost a quarter of that and she wouldnt have known the difference. One person noticed though...the little girl that we didnt have a huge party for on her birthday just a few months ago. I think part of that is her mother wanting to overcompensate for not taking care of her baby constantly. I felt so bad for Monkey because they had this pinata filled with candy and little bags to pick up what fell and somehow Monkey left her bag on the table where all the presents were sitting and someone stole her bag of candy. She was so upset. Even me offering to go buy her more candy didnt help because it wasnt "that bag" of candy.

I know they have made some major mistakes like Mouse has never in her life slept alone. You cant even put her down for a nap without someone laying with her and most of the time if you get up after she falls asleep, she will wake up. Its awful.

I do think some things may change though in the not too distant future and it will be hard on the mouse. I also realize part of all this is the extremely difficult relationship between her Papa and I. You would have to be deaf, dumb and blind not to realize we pretty much hate each other at this point. We hardly speak a civil word to each other anymore. Its pretty hard to be here most of the time. At this point Billy says as soon as he gets his income tax check and the check for his accident he will be looking for a place to move to because we argue constantly.

I dont know, things arent good here and we shall see.

One thing is a bit pathetic. We probably wouldnt be having this much stress if SOMEONE hadnt set me up for being completely stressed out since the summer of 2011.

Oh well, not a whole lot I can do except be ticked off. See, one of the things we said from the moment Mouse was conceived was that we wouldnt deal with her in the same way we have dealt with Monkey. We werent going to be the one who raised her or paid for everything. Now it seems like Papa wants to go back on his word in some ways. He likes to be with her constantly but also complains majorly about everything else.

 

[svengandhi]

Oh, Janet -

I know you didn't want to raise Mouse but she is an innocent child and shouldn't be blamed for her parents' issues. I so clearly sensed my parents' favoritism towards my sister and it colored my entire life. I was estranged from all of them. I don't know the exact dates or causes of my parents' deaths and I've never shed a tear for either of them. If I was to find out my sister was dead, I'd probably breathe a sigh of relief, if not do the happy dance.

If she is as bright as Monkey, Mouse will soon sense, if she hasn't already, the overwhelming favoritism you have towards Monkey. I know I talked about my mother in law and oldest boy earlier. When daughter was about Mouse's age, she was very advanced verbally, and one day she walked into mother in law's room and said to her: "Why do you hate me, grandma? Is it because I don't have a penis?" Now, I know that particular scenario can't happen between Monkey and Mouse but... Someday, Monkey and Mouse, half sisters, may be all the family they have left. It does hurt me that I have no relationship with my sister but for us, it's too late. Too many years of resentment and her substance abuse, make it impossible. Hard as it may be now, one of the best grandma things you could do would be to foster a relationship between these two little girls. They need each other and only you can help them have each other because their mutual father isn't doing a very good job of it right now.

 

[Hound dog]

svengandhi you said that so well.

Janet, Monkey needs it explained to her this deal of different parents. None of you have any control over what Mouse's mom does/plans/buys, just as no one has control over what Monkey's mom does/plans/buys for her. Doesn't mean one child is loved more than another, just means they have different mothers and other family members. Know what I mean??

I had to really work on this area between katie and her siblings on both sides. She was jealous of the obvious tight knit family life and involved mother they had and they were a jealous in young childhood that she seemed to get everything she wanted. When Katie was in our home they were always on equal footing. They all had chores, they all followed the same rules, they all got attention / interaction as I'd normally do. While this doesn't sound like much.......it was this equal footing time that made it possible for them to forge their relationships. Had I tried to overcompensate for the fact that Katie had no family life in any real sense at home and suffered the absence of her dad, it would've fostered jealousy and resentment with her siblings.

You and Monkey are so close because she needed a mother figure and you filled that role for her, regardless of reasons. Mouse, for different reasons, needs you to step in for her sake as well. However, by doing so you're not just stepping in for Mouse.......but for Monkey too. These girls are sisters. (half or not they're still sisters) They were robbed of the opportunity to develop a loving relationship when Monkey's mom took off with her. Not Monkey's fault, not Mouse's fault, not Daddy's fault, or anyone's but Monkey's mother's fault.

You can't change what decisions the parents of these girls make along the way. But you can be the buffer that eases the pain it may bring, offer explanations so they can better understand instead of taking it personally, and be the love that help binds them together while being the stability in their lives.

Mouse is still young enough you could easily form as strong a bond with her as you have with Monkey. Don't worry about the "things", material things don't mean anything, it's the love they want, both of them.

Being a grandparent can be a blessing, but there are other times when it is very hard.

((hugs))

 

[lovemysons]

Janet,
I have not read your post in it's intirety but I just wanted to tell you that I think you are an awesome person...always, never horrible.

You be good to you.
Your friend,
LMS

 

[DammitJanet]

Just to set the record straight a bit...I do do things with Mouse. And we also try to keep the girls together but a 7 year old is able to do different things than a 2 year old and I cant hold one back just because the other isnt old enough. Monkey rides her bike and Mouse screams that the bike is "mine". Monkey is now wanting to cook but Mouse wants right in the middle where she cant be. Stoves and ovens are hot and this child has never heard the word NO, or simply doesnt listen to it. Monkey loves to make necklaces and bracelets out of beads but they are a choking hazard to Mouse.

*Also remember that a 7 year old is much easier for me because she can do pretty much for herself. I have a really hard time with a toddler who wont listen, wants everything right now and will take off out the door if given the chance. I cant run that fast!

 

[svengandhi]

Janet -

I understand completely. I went through this with mine. Toddlers are self-centered beings who need to be taught. She isn't screaming that the bike is hers because she wants the bike but because she wants to be with Monkey. I thought you said her mom got her a Minnie mouse car. Why can't she ride that when Monkey is on her bike? If it's not at your house, maybe you can get her a used tricycle or the like? When Monkey is cooking, can Mouse be in a high chair mixing a little dough or something not dangerous for her? I have 5 kids with 8 1/2 years from 1 through 5 so I get the developmentally different stages and you're right not to want to hold Monkey back. My parents refused me anything unless my younger sister could do the exact same thing and I've already spoken of the non-existent relationship we have as a result. So I've been a bit believer in separate but equal for kids of different ages. Monkey can cook but Mouse can be a helper - bring Monkey the butter, please, or get Monkey the big pan, etc. If Monkey is doing the beaded bracelets, get the giant size beads for Mouse with the big string and let her make jewelry. I still think that it will be easier on you in the long run if the 2 girls have a good relationship. Mouse sounds like she is developmentally appropriate for a 2 year old. They want to do for themselves but they also want to be loved. It was different for me because they were my children and my responsibility. I am sorry that Mouse's parents have shirked their duty to her. I may have missed something but why is her mother not taking care of her?

 

[Hound dog]

I have enough grandchildren ranging in ages 13 to 2, trust me, I understand.

Mouse is being an average 2 yr old.....perhaps a bit more severe given she's not had boundaries placed and is craving attention. No beads and cooking are not at her level, so she will have to be taught that or a compromise found. If you don't think you can handle the 2 of them together even with alternatives for Mouse, these can be something special you do with Monkey until Mouse is old enough to join in. I'm sure you could find something special for you and Mouse too......even if it's just something simple like story time or coloring while Monkey plays with another toy or does an activity too old for Mouse. I did coloring with Brandon and watched Mickey's Clubhouse with Connor snuggled on my lap for the longest time.......as Connor seemed only interested in coloring everything except the paper or coloring book. Both got some time with Nana doing something fun. Darrin often helps garden or pull weeds. Of course the lil guys want to be big like him and help too.......he's old enough to handle most tools.......they use plastic child versions. When they're helping him I keep close supervision on exactly what they're "weeding" so they're not just ripping everything out. Within a few minutes the little guys grow bored and go on and play, which is fine.

I realize this may be more difficult when others aren't giving Mouse boundaries and making her follow rules. Perhaps you need to sit down with Cory and ask him what makes Mouse different from Monkey at the same age? Monkey had rules and guidance and boundaries even though she was adored and spoiled. And lord knows Monkey's mom isn't all that different from Mouses mom.....both girls have been through a lot in their short lives.

 

[InsaneCdn]

and will take off out the door if given the chance

To me? This one is the only real issue. No, you can't run that fast. So yes, Mouse has to learn a few boundaries if she's gonna be around grandma much these days. Either that or you need some step-through baby gates that Monkey can open and Mouse cannot. Something - anything - that takes away the constant alertness due to a significant safety issue. It's not just about taking off out the door, though... if she's that fast, it will be a problem around hot stoves and pans, and potentially water (bathtub etc.). Cory needs to step up and work with you on this.

Beyond that? in my opinion, Cory needs to get on with his life. He needs to be elsewhere with Mouse. Then, Mouse can come to visit, rather than living there, which will give you a lot more patience when she does come.

 

[scent of cedar]

No, you are not horrible. You are wonderful for taking this on in the first place. If I had needed to take my adult children in along with my grands, I literally would not have been able to take them. When the parent is on site, the child, rightfully so, is parented by the parent. This leaves you and Tony living your whole lives in the kind of chaos that happens when a grandchild visits for an afternoon. Everything is disrupted. Cory isn't parenting appropriately, and you and Tony aren't allowed to parent without feeling you are usurping Cory's role.

Do you think it would help if you had weekly (or daily) family meetings after the babies are in bed for the express purpose of communicating, adult to adult, about how to make the blending of your two families a better experience for everyone? What you are doing for your son and his child is a wonderful thing Janet, but it's a big adjustment to incorporate other people into our daily lives. Right now, everyone is still adjusting to this pretty much overwhelming change. If everyone can agree that you will all work to make this the best experience for everyone that it can be, maybe that can be a way to begin.

If everyone is willing, and if your family can figure out a way to get through this adjustment part together, the experience of living together again could become something really positive.

I'm holding a good thought for you that your family will be able to turn this around, Janet. It's so hard to remember how much we love them when they are right under our feet every minute of the day and night ~ but love them, we do.

Cedar

I wanted to add that, when things were so bad for our marriage because of issues with the grown kids that communication between husband and myself was pretty much non-existent, my husband too took so much comfort from loving and seeming almost to try to shelter, the grandchild who was most aware of what was happening.

husband and that grandchild have a really special relationship to this day. And both of them acknowledge the special feeling they hold for the other, over all this time.

Maybe Tony is pouring the love he feels for you, and the sorrow he feels over all the loss and chaos, into this grandchild, too?

 

[DammitJanet]

Well Mouse is lucky to be alive today. Yesterday I was in the kitchen washing dishes and she wandered out to the family room and went to Tony. He noticed she had blue on her hands...then he saw it on her legs too. I went OMG....she went in my drawer and got out a blue marker! I ran into my room and lo and behold, she had drawn all over everything she could find including my cell phone screen, my computer and the computer screen!

I was livid. I went out to the living room with my phone and looked at her and told her she isnt allowed in my room, she did something bad and I smacked her on the butt. Cory seems to think she is too little to teach things to but I flat told him no she isnt. When she does wrong she has to be told its wrong and be punished. If we can train a dog, she surely must be at least that smart.

But lord how she can scream. Take something away from her and she will hit and kick you. She is going to learn eventually I dont put up with that because if you hit me, I hit back.