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Am I in Hell?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 685836" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I am thinking reactive Attachment disorder, common in older adoptd kide, especially those born with substances used prenatally and also brain damage from drugs/ alcohol. These kids, who were not treated with love or stability in their infant/toddler years have different brain wiring and learn that nobody will care for them but them and do not learn to love or bond with others. No, love and kindness does not change them and usually love scares them so they act out even worse. They are very often kids without a conscience.</p><p></p><p>I adopted one like that, although we didnt know it. Nobody did. He perped on my two younger kids so we, for their sakes, made him leave our family. He killed pets. Started little fires. Lied. Stole. You name it.</p><p></p><p>If you can find a therapist who works with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) kids, which is hard to find, with extremelty hard work she MAY learn to bond and then again she may not. Regular therapy doesnt work...they are way damaged before they met us. And they lack the ability to be grateful. Some do better in homes where loving back is not an expectation.</p><p></p><p>Alcohol in utero can cause permanent brain damage. The kids don't imorove or remember right from wrong on a day to day basis. There is no cure. See is she has this too. A regular doctor wont know. Take her to neurologist or</p><p>neuropsychologist. Gaps in remembering things or reasoning day to dsy are a huge symptoms. Oftrn they abuse drugs or end up in jail because they dont understand right from wrong.</p><p></p><p>After you are moee aware of the types of damage she suffered before she came to you, then you can better decide what is best for all of you. We adopt them because we want them to know love. It shocks us when love doesnt work or makes thungs worse. Few older child adoptions are smooth or easy. And regular therapists and ourselves...we dont get it or them.</p><p></p><p>I wish you good luck. Better luck than we had. It was three years of hello, then recovering from it. We have not seen him again. We know he was beyond help and we had younger ones to protect. I still feel guilty.</p><p></p><p>Big hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 685836, member: 1550"] I am thinking reactive Attachment disorder, common in older adoptd kide, especially those born with substances used prenatally and also brain damage from drugs/ alcohol. These kids, who were not treated with love or stability in their infant/toddler years have different brain wiring and learn that nobody will care for them but them and do not learn to love or bond with others. No, love and kindness does not change them and usually love scares them so they act out even worse. They are very often kids without a conscience. I adopted one like that, although we didnt know it. Nobody did. He perped on my two younger kids so we, for their sakes, made him leave our family. He killed pets. Started little fires. Lied. Stole. You name it. If you can find a therapist who works with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) kids, which is hard to find, with extremelty hard work she MAY learn to bond and then again she may not. Regular therapy doesnt work...they are way damaged before they met us. And they lack the ability to be grateful. Some do better in homes where loving back is not an expectation. Alcohol in utero can cause permanent brain damage. The kids don't imorove or remember right from wrong on a day to day basis. There is no cure. See is she has this too. A regular doctor wont know. Take her to neurologist or neuropsychologist. Gaps in remembering things or reasoning day to dsy are a huge symptoms. Oftrn they abuse drugs or end up in jail because they dont understand right from wrong. After you are moee aware of the types of damage she suffered before she came to you, then you can better decide what is best for all of you. We adopt them because we want them to know love. It shocks us when love doesnt work or makes thungs worse. Few older child adoptions are smooth or easy. And regular therapists and ourselves...we dont get it or them. I wish you good luck. Better luck than we had. It was three years of hello, then recovering from it. We have not seen him again. We know he was beyond help and we had younger ones to protect. I still feel guilty. Big hugs. [/QUOTE]
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