HerBadMom
New Member
Hello, my name is HBM and I just found this forum and have been reading for days before I decided to register. I don't know how to make a signature, so a brief bio of our family:
HBM-me. 48, renal failure, ADD.
HBD-husband. 56, ADHD. Happily married to me for 20 years, positive, sunny outlook, forgetful.
Golden Girl - 27,lives on her own, artist, easy
Gentle Boy- 22, lives on his own, musician/student. ADD, easy
Golden Boy - 18, lives at home, graduating soon. Easiest - smart, motivated, happy
Gentle Jr. - 17, lives at home, student. ADHD, anxiety, sweet, easy
Nightmare - 15, girl. Adopted from foster care at birth. Bio mom used alcohol, pot, probably other stuff but did not tell social worker so it's not on official papers. ADHD, ODD, CD, Histrionic. Mean, hateful, ungrateful.
Sweetie - 13 girl. Mild Autism with mild ADD (daydreamer). Also adopted from foster care, do not know if bio used, but other bio sibs have some issues, so likely. Has some developmental delays but cognitively above average. Kind, thoughtful, patient, creative and nearly a savant with mathematics, art and music.
We live in the 'burbs in the US.
Obviously, I've described my children in a very biased way. It reflects how I feel which is anger, disappointed, disgust. We are at our wits end. Nightmare is ruining our lives and there seems to be no end in sight. She sees a psychiatrist and has been in counseling since age 6. She has zero remorse for what she does to people. It's always someone else's fault, everyone is against her, everyone hates her, nothing is fair. She gets in-school suspension every single week. She's been expelled 4-5 times for fighting, cursing, throwing things, lying on the floor screaming "F you" to the teacher who told her to get out of his class after disruptive behavior keeping the other kids from learning. She's disruptive in every class, has literally failed every grade with a 0 since Grade 4, but they promote her because "it would hurt her feelings" if they held her back. She has terrible reasoning skills and is like a black hole needing attention 100% of the time, no matter how she gets it.
She has stolen from us numerous times (as well as friends, teachers, etc) but the final straw was two months ago when she stole $1300 in cash that I had in the house to deposit to make the house payment. We're now behind on our mortgage. She goes nowhere but school and home and said she spent it on "candy". We took her to the police and they screamed at her, she cried her fake tears and then said she stole because she "wanted stuff that we wouldn't buy her" and "that's what I do when people are mean to me" and "if they had cameras around, they wouldn't have lost their money". She's never apologized and shows zero remorse. There is a lot more than this, but it's what has brought me here. She:
My kidney function has declined significantly because of the stress in the last few months. I can't stand the sight of her. I don't want to be around her, hear her voice, see her face, nothing. The other kids are complaining about the constant screaming from sun up till she's forced to shut the door and her mouth at night. We can't eat meals together, we can't do anything together because she will just pick pick pick pick at people for attention or scream and rage because we looked at her mean " or didn't answer her stupid" question " (which is usually something dumb like 'is it weird that I like my own farts') while we're talking to friends or at church.
She's taken every ADHD drug out there and there is very little change. Adderall made the worst impact. She's taking zoloft, Strattera and intuniv now. Medicaid won't pay for any neouropsych doctors. Her psychiatric just writes RXs and tells her to stop "acting like that with each report of her rapidly increasing bad behavior. She won't consider there might be more than just ODD, conduct and ADHD because Medicaid doesn't cover testing. It's been like this with every psychiatric she's seen. The psychologists and counselors just play with her or give her excuses to use when she gets into trouble like "I'm not able to tell the truth" and "I can't focus and have anger issues, so I can't help it" along with other stuff. Every.single.day. she has some physical complaint "my left earlobe hurts, my legs ache, my elbow itches, my eyelid feels weird, my neck cracks" etc.
She's 15 and shows no remorse. She has no life (her choice) and literally goes to school, comes home and reads/draws. She's never invited to do anything with any kids. Except for last month when she invited an autistic boy to a dance after we already made it VERY clear she could not go. It was a semi formal dance. She didn't tell us until 4 hours before when she said "Oh yeah, this kid Alex is probably going to come here at 7:00 because I asked him to the XYZ Dance and never told him I couldn't go" She didn't know his phone number and since he's autistic, he didn't have any social media or anyway to contact him. Literally all we could do was wait for this sweet boy to show up thinking he was going to a dance, corsage and little gift in hand, just to have it all crushed when she answered the door and said "I can't go". When asked why she did such a mean thing to a boy, especially one who she knew wouldn't understand, she said "I thought you would have no choice but to let me go if you couldn't call his parents and make me say I was grounded" It turned out her plan was to ditch him later anyway.
Ok, thanks for reading if you did. And if nit, that's ok too. I'm just so sad and this is getting worse and worse. She's basically unsupervised at school because they let her wander around (big school of 2000 kids) so I'm sure sex and drugs are not far behind. She would be happier in another home. We'd be happier with her in another home. There is no bond between us. She's recently st started with the I hate you, this house this family I don't want to be here, I want to be anywhere but here stuff. Frankly the feeling is mutual
HBM-me. 48, renal failure, ADD.
HBD-husband. 56, ADHD. Happily married to me for 20 years, positive, sunny outlook, forgetful.
Golden Girl - 27,lives on her own, artist, easy
Gentle Boy- 22, lives on his own, musician/student. ADD, easy
Golden Boy - 18, lives at home, graduating soon. Easiest - smart, motivated, happy
Gentle Jr. - 17, lives at home, student. ADHD, anxiety, sweet, easy
Nightmare - 15, girl. Adopted from foster care at birth. Bio mom used alcohol, pot, probably other stuff but did not tell social worker so it's not on official papers. ADHD, ODD, CD, Histrionic. Mean, hateful, ungrateful.
Sweetie - 13 girl. Mild Autism with mild ADD (daydreamer). Also adopted from foster care, do not know if bio used, but other bio sibs have some issues, so likely. Has some developmental delays but cognitively above average. Kind, thoughtful, patient, creative and nearly a savant with mathematics, art and music.
We live in the 'burbs in the US.
Obviously, I've described my children in a very biased way. It reflects how I feel which is anger, disappointed, disgust. We are at our wits end. Nightmare is ruining our lives and there seems to be no end in sight. She sees a psychiatrist and has been in counseling since age 6. She has zero remorse for what she does to people. It's always someone else's fault, everyone is against her, everyone hates her, nothing is fair. She gets in-school suspension every single week. She's been expelled 4-5 times for fighting, cursing, throwing things, lying on the floor screaming "F you" to the teacher who told her to get out of his class after disruptive behavior keeping the other kids from learning. She's disruptive in every class, has literally failed every grade with a 0 since Grade 4, but they promote her because "it would hurt her feelings" if they held her back. She has terrible reasoning skills and is like a black hole needing attention 100% of the time, no matter how she gets it.
She has stolen from us numerous times (as well as friends, teachers, etc) but the final straw was two months ago when she stole $1300 in cash that I had in the house to deposit to make the house payment. We're now behind on our mortgage. She goes nowhere but school and home and said she spent it on "candy". We took her to the police and they screamed at her, she cried her fake tears and then said she stole because she "wanted stuff that we wouldn't buy her" and "that's what I do when people are mean to me" and "if they had cameras around, they wouldn't have lost their money". She's never apologized and shows zero remorse. There is a lot more than this, but it's what has brought me here. She:
- Steals
- Lies
- Beats her little sister physically attacking her and leaves scars all over her body.
- Verbally abuses her
- Disrespectful to any adult having the misfortune to meet her unless that adult puts no demands on her
- Screams the moment she wakes until she eventually goes to sleep, rages for hours, breaking furniture, dishes, tears up clothing, holes in walls, doors and windows broken.
- Everything she touches ends up broken "it was an accident" smirks
- Argues about every word spoken to her
- If through choice is "good" or "bad" she WILL ALWAYS choose "bad"
- Has not turned in a single homework assignment this entire school year and has a zero in all of her high school classes, yet shes "progressing" on her IEP
- If she's in the room, everyone is miserable and fighting within seconds
- She gets into verbal fights with teachers and is removed from the class almost every day for throwing paper, barking, screaming curse words, talking, slithering around the room on her belly, flipping her chair "accidentally", dumping books, etc.
- Their solution is to send her to the Behavioral Learning Center where she has a single male teacher supervising her supposedly helping her with her work, yet we find that she's logging into her friends social media accounts all day. (she has zero access to computers at home, no cell phone, no tablet, nothing)
- She is involved in no activities because she's been asked to leave every single thing we've tried, even though she enjoyed the activity, her need for constant attention was higher. Cheerleading, gymnastics, soccer, ballet, jazz, tap, piano, softball, basketball and more. She is in youth group at church but I don't know how long it will last and I'm terrified she'll steal from the other kids or leader.
My kidney function has declined significantly because of the stress in the last few months. I can't stand the sight of her. I don't want to be around her, hear her voice, see her face, nothing. The other kids are complaining about the constant screaming from sun up till she's forced to shut the door and her mouth at night. We can't eat meals together, we can't do anything together because she will just pick pick pick pick at people for attention or scream and rage because we looked at her mean " or didn't answer her stupid" question " (which is usually something dumb like 'is it weird that I like my own farts') while we're talking to friends or at church.
She's taken every ADHD drug out there and there is very little change. Adderall made the worst impact. She's taking zoloft, Strattera and intuniv now. Medicaid won't pay for any neouropsych doctors. Her psychiatric just writes RXs and tells her to stop "acting like that with each report of her rapidly increasing bad behavior. She won't consider there might be more than just ODD, conduct and ADHD because Medicaid doesn't cover testing. It's been like this with every psychiatric she's seen. The psychologists and counselors just play with her or give her excuses to use when she gets into trouble like "I'm not able to tell the truth" and "I can't focus and have anger issues, so I can't help it" along with other stuff. Every.single.day. she has some physical complaint "my left earlobe hurts, my legs ache, my elbow itches, my eyelid feels weird, my neck cracks" etc.
She's 15 and shows no remorse. She has no life (her choice) and literally goes to school, comes home and reads/draws. She's never invited to do anything with any kids. Except for last month when she invited an autistic boy to a dance after we already made it VERY clear she could not go. It was a semi formal dance. She didn't tell us until 4 hours before when she said "Oh yeah, this kid Alex is probably going to come here at 7:00 because I asked him to the XYZ Dance and never told him I couldn't go" She didn't know his phone number and since he's autistic, he didn't have any social media or anyway to contact him. Literally all we could do was wait for this sweet boy to show up thinking he was going to a dance, corsage and little gift in hand, just to have it all crushed when she answered the door and said "I can't go". When asked why she did such a mean thing to a boy, especially one who she knew wouldn't understand, she said "I thought you would have no choice but to let me go if you couldn't call his parents and make me say I was grounded" It turned out her plan was to ditch him later anyway.
Ok, thanks for reading if you did. And if nit, that's ok too. I'm just so sad and this is getting worse and worse. She's basically unsupervised at school because they let her wander around (big school of 2000 kids) so I'm sure sex and drugs are not far behind. She would be happier in another home. We'd be happier with her in another home. There is no bond between us. She's recently st started with the I hate you, this house this family I don't want to be here, I want to be anywhere but here stuff. Frankly the feeling is mutual
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