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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 194898" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Are you enjoying the show.....? </p><p> </p><p>Tapdancing, intimidation, all without popcorn and a ticket stub....because YOU are the TICKET....meal ticket, rent ticket. </p><p> </p><p>I guess I used to feel about the same way you do. What if he NEVER talks to me again. And I'm sure if we took a poll here a LOT more parents than you would believe of children 17 and older would actually tell you "OH MY the peace is nice." Unfortunately the other 1/2 of us would tell you - I'm not that far along in detaching and I worry all the time, day and night, I even wake up in the middle of the night thinking about HIS life, HIS choices, HIS irresponsibility. It makes me personally sick....or was. </p><p> </p><p>And I dont' have a great answer at this time in my life Irish to tell you what it feels like to turn a back on a kid and mean it for my own health and well being. I'm in process of that. And it hurts. I only have one - and for now that is a good excuse for me....it's MY ticket to - no I can't let go, I only have one kid....(KRAP) Or somedays I use the "You don't understand him." And my Mother flat looked at me and said "NO ONE understands him, why would they want to - he has choices like everyone else and he CHOOSES over and over again to be a jerk, embarrass you, and then thinks if he picks a flower or draws a picture or says I need you Momma you'll come running - and you do, and I don't get it!" and my Mother had hell on earth for a childhood growing up and so she doesn't cut him any slack. No one gave her any - </p><p> </p><p>But I do know that the day we finally STOPPED wiping the slate clean and making our son adhere to the FIRST rule, date, time-line, and consequence? It changed something in all of us forever. For the better. Now if I say "I'm NOT going to give you any more money." I don't get the puppy dog eyes, and the begging, or the "tricks up his sleve" because despite SEVERAL attempts and using all his guises from his fantastical bag of "believable" tricks - I'm wiser and really don't want to hear it.</p><p> </p><p>So it's a process - but if you said SEPT 30 - then do tell him Sept. 30 is it - no second chances - and I've NEVER heard of anyone that took 2 months to get a deposit together ??? Um no landlord is going to wait on that....NONE.....(maybe I don't have the story straight) but.....</p><p> </p><p>What you are lacking is YOUR UNSPOKEN PLAN B. Plan a IS GOOD - it gets him out of your house on the date you specified to him. And right now he's already starting to negotiate with you on HOW to get 2 more months - so I ask you WHAT happens in November when the plans ALL FALL APART and he's still living there like this in DECEMBER??? BECAUSE you KNOW I dont think there IS a plan to be out by NOV. I think he's stalling. And I 1/2 think you feel it too. </p><p> </p><p>Birds push their young out of the nest in nature - and it's either learn how to fly quick or pray there is no cat in the house where you built your nest. Gruesome, but not much different - the parent birds want to go on and "get giggy with it" but won't until all the babies are gone because they need the nest for the new result of said Giggy. </p><p> </p><p>If you think of a plan B now - and DO NOT TELL HIM - you're going to be 1 up on his manipulative thinking and you won't BELIEVE how fantastic it will feel -I know he's your kid, I know you love him but on Sept 30th - say he says "Well I know I was supposed to be out today Mom but...." and instead of being upset - YOU turn and say "Well yes, and you will be out by today - I'll take you to the Salvation Army Shelter.." I will BET YOU CASH he won't stay there and ALL OF A SUDDEN the kid who can't make a plan with 4 months notice CAN and WILL find a place to stay....</p><p> </p><p>Plan B - it's for me. And yes - I am prepared to take my son there.....he already KNOWS there will be no more living at home. And since he's basically crapped in MY nest (work employee related botched plan) he hasn't called. I am done.....now it's HIS turn to make something of himself and fix things and DO things.....And I know he knows I am serious BECAUSE he always calls.....and this week I've not gotten one call. I HAVE refused the one call I did get last week and HE KNEW IT......I told the foster family I was done - embarrassing me like that at work with a co-worker was BEYOND my abillity to forgive.....I've NEVER done ANYTHING like it in my life - but THAT told my son - You know what? WHO would WANT to talk to you after a stunt like that? I work - you do not. I have to work.....and now you jump a fence of a co-workers house and get caught and then lie about it? Nope - I don't want to talk to you. And he's facing 15 years for attempted burglary that I do NOT believe he did - but stuff catches up with you eventually - and his go round just came down. </p><p> </p><p>Best of luck </p><p>Get a plan B and let this kid KNOW you are not playing. </p><p> </p><p>Hugs</p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 194898, member: 4964"] Are you enjoying the show.....? Tapdancing, intimidation, all without popcorn and a ticket stub....because YOU are the TICKET....meal ticket, rent ticket. I guess I used to feel about the same way you do. What if he NEVER talks to me again. And I'm sure if we took a poll here a LOT more parents than you would believe of children 17 and older would actually tell you "OH MY the peace is nice." Unfortunately the other 1/2 of us would tell you - I'm not that far along in detaching and I worry all the time, day and night, I even wake up in the middle of the night thinking about HIS life, HIS choices, HIS irresponsibility. It makes me personally sick....or was. And I dont' have a great answer at this time in my life Irish to tell you what it feels like to turn a back on a kid and mean it for my own health and well being. I'm in process of that. And it hurts. I only have one - and for now that is a good excuse for me....it's MY ticket to - no I can't let go, I only have one kid....(KRAP) Or somedays I use the "You don't understand him." And my Mother flat looked at me and said "NO ONE understands him, why would they want to - he has choices like everyone else and he CHOOSES over and over again to be a jerk, embarrass you, and then thinks if he picks a flower or draws a picture or says I need you Momma you'll come running - and you do, and I don't get it!" and my Mother had hell on earth for a childhood growing up and so she doesn't cut him any slack. No one gave her any - But I do know that the day we finally STOPPED wiping the slate clean and making our son adhere to the FIRST rule, date, time-line, and consequence? It changed something in all of us forever. For the better. Now if I say "I'm NOT going to give you any more money." I don't get the puppy dog eyes, and the begging, or the "tricks up his sleve" because despite SEVERAL attempts and using all his guises from his fantastical bag of "believable" tricks - I'm wiser and really don't want to hear it. So it's a process - but if you said SEPT 30 - then do tell him Sept. 30 is it - no second chances - and I've NEVER heard of anyone that took 2 months to get a deposit together ??? Um no landlord is going to wait on that....NONE.....(maybe I don't have the story straight) but..... What you are lacking is YOUR UNSPOKEN PLAN B. Plan a IS GOOD - it gets him out of your house on the date you specified to him. And right now he's already starting to negotiate with you on HOW to get 2 more months - so I ask you WHAT happens in November when the plans ALL FALL APART and he's still living there like this in DECEMBER??? BECAUSE you KNOW I dont think there IS a plan to be out by NOV. I think he's stalling. And I 1/2 think you feel it too. Birds push their young out of the nest in nature - and it's either learn how to fly quick or pray there is no cat in the house where you built your nest. Gruesome, but not much different - the parent birds want to go on and "get giggy with it" but won't until all the babies are gone because they need the nest for the new result of said Giggy. If you think of a plan B now - and DO NOT TELL HIM - you're going to be 1 up on his manipulative thinking and you won't BELIEVE how fantastic it will feel -I know he's your kid, I know you love him but on Sept 30th - say he says "Well I know I was supposed to be out today Mom but...." and instead of being upset - YOU turn and say "Well yes, and you will be out by today - I'll take you to the Salvation Army Shelter.." I will BET YOU CASH he won't stay there and ALL OF A SUDDEN the kid who can't make a plan with 4 months notice CAN and WILL find a place to stay.... Plan B - it's for me. And yes - I am prepared to take my son there.....he already KNOWS there will be no more living at home. And since he's basically crapped in MY nest (work employee related botched plan) he hasn't called. I am done.....now it's HIS turn to make something of himself and fix things and DO things.....And I know he knows I am serious BECAUSE he always calls.....and this week I've not gotten one call. I HAVE refused the one call I did get last week and HE KNEW IT......I told the foster family I was done - embarrassing me like that at work with a co-worker was BEYOND my abillity to forgive.....I've NEVER done ANYTHING like it in my life - but THAT told my son - You know what? WHO would WANT to talk to you after a stunt like that? I work - you do not. I have to work.....and now you jump a fence of a co-workers house and get caught and then lie about it? Nope - I don't want to talk to you. And he's facing 15 years for attempted burglary that I do NOT believe he did - but stuff catches up with you eventually - and his go round just came down. Best of luck Get a plan B and let this kid KNOW you are not playing. Hugs Star [/QUOTE]
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